Learning self-love – why it is so hard to love yourself

Learning self-love - why it is so hard to love yourself

Loving a partner is normal, but loving oneself is very difficult for most people. Why is self-love so complicated?? Perhaps because there are too many prejudices, because people who love themselves are quickly seen as arrogant, as self-absorbed and not infrequently as narcissists. At the same time self-love is the love for a person you know best, because everybody knows, which weaknesses and strengths he has. If you want to learn self-love, you have to accept these weaknesses and strengths. All those who have difficulties with this will have a hard time and learning self-love will become a feat of strength.

Two different things

Self-love and self-love are fundamentally different, but unfortunately they are still lumped into the same pot. Narcissus, a figure from Greek mythology who fell madly in love with his own reflection, is a recurring theme here. Narcissism has nothing to do with self-love, but with self-aggrandizement. Those who tend to narcissism have an exaggerated claim to their ego, overestimate themselves and are immune to any form of criticism. But this does not mean that he loves himself and accepts himself as he is.

So self-love has nothing to do with self-indulgence, but with self-respect and self-acceptance. If you love yourself, you are not an egoist, because self-love makes it easier to accept other people as they are. Learning self-love makes you tolerant.

Why learning to love yourself is so important?

Learning to love yourself can be the key to happiness and contentment, but many people have their problems loving themselves. At the same time, learning self-love is basically very simple. If you treat yourself well and show consideration for your own needs, you will also love yourself. Those who want to learn self-love do not have to strive for affection, they already have the certainty that they are good enough for themselves. Loving oneself always makes one independent, since no one is more dependent on the approval and recognition of other people. This provides not only an emotional, but at the same time a mental freedom.

People who do not love themselves are dependent on the affection and love from the outside, which makes unhappy in the long run. Such is always the case when the desire for affection and the longing for love are not fulfilled.

This is why learning self-love is important, because if you are good with yourself, you will radiate that to other people as well. Authenticity and love for oneself are very closely related. Self-love means that no one has to pretend to please others, he is perceived by himself as a positive person.

Does self-love make you more successful in life?

Every person has to cope with criticism, with personal setbacks, with mistakes and with many problems in his life. They are simply part of it and unfortunately cannot be ignored. Learning to love oneself is useful and helpful for this reason alone, in order to be able to better deal with the pitfalls of life. Those who love themselves will learn to grow from their problems and mistakes, but without constantly blaming themselves. Self-love also helps people not to give up too soon, but to keep working towards the goal they have set for themselves.

The feeling of not being satisfied with oneself is probably familiar to everyone. People who need to learn self-love often take out their frustration and dissatisfaction on others. But those who have already learned to love themselves are open, positive and, above all, friendly with their fellow human beings.

Why is it so difficult to love yourself??

There are many reasons and causes why many people need to learn self-love. Not infrequently, the reasons lie in childhood, where there was a lack of unconditional love. In many families this love is lacking, children get too little attention and too much criticism. This does not always happen with bad intentions on the part of the parents, they rather want to "prepare" their children for the coming problems in life. As a result, not only inferiority complexes develop, but also the inability to love oneself. Instead of learning to see oneself as lovable and positive, trying to get the need for respect, encouragement and love from the outside.

Every child should be loved unconditionally and also learn self-love. If this does not happen, then it will be very difficult to develop love for oneself later on. For many people it is even impossible, they see themselves as failures, they always focus around their own mistakes and it is very difficult for them to draw a positive picture of themselves.

In addition to self-doubt, there is also the question: How do others manage to live or work with a person? This scenario eventually leads to self-rejection and not infrequently to severe depression.

Learning self-love – it is very simple

To love oneself sounds strange at first. It sounds like arrogance, like egoism and like self-indulgence, so exactly how no one wants to be perceived. If you want to learn self-love, you must not see your self-image distorted, otherwise the person concerned will always say about himself how bad he is. Learning to love oneself means to see oneself in a positive light, always independent of one’s appearance and achievements. If this succeeds, then an important milestone has already been reached.

What can make learning self-love difficult is to consider this self-love as a basic feeling, which is a lifelong companion. Learning self-love is a process that everyone can influence themselves and whose exercises everyone must acquire. The whole thing does not happen overnight, because everyone has a different image of themselves. Basically, it is easy to love yourself, you just have to know how to do it.

What needs to change?

Unfortunately, there are still no courses in the adult education center where learning self-love is on the program. In general, there are four very important points to keep in mind:

  • Dealing with one’s own feelings
  • The own perception
  • One’s own habits
  • One’s own actions

These points cannot be worked off simply in such a way after plan, also the order cannot be fixed rigidly, they must go rather hand in hand with one another. These important points merge in the ideal case and who would like to learn self-love, should have it if possible always in the back of the head. To put these points into practice is connected with consequences, which also means that everyone must be honest with themselves. For example, it is important to think of oneself as one’s best friend. If the best friend does not have a good day, he is comforted and if he makes mistakes, then understanding is called for. If you are not satisfied with yourself, you should be aware of your strengths and not constantly think about your weaknesses.

Discover something new every day

Every day brings new impressions and even if they are only small things, they can still help to love yourself. What was positive that day? Making a list in the evening and writing down everything that was positive that day can be helpful in this regard. In this way, the learning process is easier to perceive positive things that eventually lead to a better self-image.

It can’t hurt to be proud of yourself once in a while and to congratulate yourself on a success. Patting yourself on the back is the better way than always waiting for others to do it.

Do not make comparisons

Those who want to learn self-love should not make comparisons. It is counterproductive to look at social media posts of people showing off their toned bodies. Who only sadly look at their own "life rings" looks, cannot love himself, but only envy someone else. Learning self-love means saying: so what?? I think I am beautiful the way I am and only my opinion counts. A well-toned body or pictures of a super expensive vacation, these are all just tiny snippets of a life. All those who want to learn self-love must focus on their own lives and be interested in themselves first and foremost.

Self-love and interpersonal relationships

Can someone who has to learn self-love love another person at all?? Of course, such a thing is possible, but the feelings here are a bit complicated. People who cannot love themselves assume that no one else can love them either. This statement is, of course, nonsense, because those who fall in love accept the strengths as well as the weaknesses of the other, which those who do not know self-love cannot do. Basically, everyone can only love another person as much as they love themselves. No matter what perspective love is viewed from, self-love is the key to any interpersonal relationship.

Only those who learn self-love and know their self-worth can accept others as they are. Unhappy relationships always have one thing in common: the person who is unhappy doesn’t break out of the relationship because he or she is afraid of not being loved outside the relationship anymore. This kind of cohabitation makes you sick in the long run, because not only is there a lack of self-love, but there is also a lack of awareness that your partner does not feel love either.

Do not blame yourself

Self-doubt and guilt are a vicious circle from which getting out is not easy. Learning self-love means first and foremost to get rid of self-doubt and thus to feel guilty all the time. When children do not feel loved enough by their parents, they usually blame themselves and not their parents. This is how the first doubts about themselves arise, which subsequently lead to a complete lack of love for oneself in adult life. Children blame themselves when their parents work a lot and look for their own faults when their father and mother take more care of the new baby. Particularly frightening at these questions of guilt and self-doubt in childhood is that the children are firmly convinced that this state is unchangeable.

This is not the case, however, because if you want to learn self-love, you have to deal with the two important aspects of guilt and self-doubt at the same time. Many go back to their childhood for this lesson and have to realize as an adult that they are in no way to blame. Those who realize this will also be able to love themselves.

Taking time for themselves

Hand on heart: Who takes enough time for themselves today?? Hardly anyone, because modern life is characterized by hectic and constant stress. Learning self-love is likewise getting away from stress and aiming to think more about yourself. Not everyone who thinks of himself and takes time for himself is an egoist. Taking care of oneself is a lesson that concerns everyone who wants to learn self-love. Simply turn off the smartphone and read an interesting book instead, even those who have always wanted to paint should start now and not let anyone disturb them in the process.

Learning self-love is always associated with increasing self-care and self-esteem. Those who do more for themselves also increase their self-esteem and self-love. So if you spend more time with yourself, you’ll learn self-love faster.

Observing himself

Who would like to learn self love, should look at itself once for 24 hours and be honest thereby. If negative thoughts about oneself and one’s own actions arise, simply shout stop aloud. If you want, you can still write down the thoughts and will certainly be very surprised at the end of the day, how deep the negative thinking about yourself is already anchored.

Learning self-love: How to get started? [Video tip]


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If you only see your own faults, always blame yourself first and criticize yourself excessively, you should learn self-love. Everyone must be aware that talking down one’s own successes and achievements does not make life easier. If you want to love yourself, you first have to change the way you think and behave, break up old structures and say YES to yourself again and again and as often as you can.

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