Mamablog: From the postpartum – We can do without this type of midwife
With her second child, our author made the acquaintance of a midwife with a certain undertone. A warning for parents-to-be.
In my case it was one of three. The most experienced, of all people. Over 50, decades in the profession, working at a university in midwifery training. When she first entered our apartment, she did it with the attitude of the landlady. No hesitation, no question about where to hang the coat. No codes. Now her show was on. We dismissed it as quirkiness. That is just her way. What should we also do sensitively. After all, it’s about the welfare of our daughter.
Deplorable and snappy
I only realized how out of place her behavior was after the fact. When she saw the hematoma around my cesarean scar, she said "Wow, they really gave you a bump!!"Then she repeated several times: "This will not go away in two or three days."As if anyone in the world could have suspected that.
"You can go to the carnival as a full moon."
Midwife to a baby
With our daughter, she was squeamish, not rude, but unnecessarily snappy. She wrapped her reassurance that the little one was fine in phrases about how tubby she was. It was above all this permanent undertone that preoccupied us. It ran through her entire behavior. How she asked for a glass of water and then put it down almost untouched on the next best piece of furniture. And how she commented on our choice of name. It is important to know that our daughter’s name is that of a contemporary German author. But the name is not exactly trendy. Also our midwife had once read one of the books of this authoress. She concluded, "Oh, then it’s like when I was with Kevin."
Parental insecurity raises tolerance level
There are a few midwives of this type in Switzerland. I did not have to look for more examples. A couple of friends who also recently had a daughter told me similar things. Her midwife said, among other things, that the C-section wound was "sewn together at an angle". And when the mother asked a few questions about the baby’s well-being, she was asked if she was actually a hypochondriac.
The couple says that the midwife also excelled as a style consultant, criticizing, for example, a pastel-colored rainbow above the changing table. To the baby with his chubby cheeks she said: "You can go to the carnival as a full moon." And when the little one once cried violently, she demonstrated her complete repertoire of calming: held the baby’s feet under cold water, carried him to the balcony, rushed with him through the apartment, wrapped him like a burrito. "She played herself up mightily, to no avail," sums up the father.
The postpartum period can be difficult – all the more reason to have people around you who make you feel supported.
I wonder how it can be that such women are still on the road as midwives. Maybe it’s because you only need this service for a few weeks. The short-term perspective and uncertainty that accompanies you, especially with the first child, unnecessarily increase the tolerance level. Perhaps it’s also because with many postpartum offerings, you don’t know exactly who will be looking after you. In our case, it was that the midwives acted as a team and in rotation, as they did with our first child.
A midwife to be reckoned with
We let – and I am still surprised about this – this woman into our apartment a second time. Before we scheduled the visiting days so that only her teammate came to see us – a midwife as one would wish: empathetic, patient, friendly, who warmly took care of our daughter and of me.
I can only recommend that parents-to-be think carefully about who they bring into their home at this intimate moment in life, i.e. ask friends and acquaintances for recommendations. Postpartum can be difficult – after birth complications, when the baby isn’t doing well, you develop depression. All the more you should have people around you from whom you feel supported.
We were lucky that on the whole everything went well and because it was the second time, we were no longer so insecure. So this midwife is only a table anecdote for me today.
How about you, dear readers? Did you also have such irritating experiences? Or was your midwife just wonderful? We’re glad to hear about it in the comments column.