Surely you know this behavior from yourself: The boyfriend breaks up, which comes more or less suddenly for you and you fall after this revelation first of all from all clouds. You still love your partner, you want to build a life together with this person and you can’t even imagine life without him or her. Desperately you try everything to bind your ex to you again, but often he distances himself more and more. What is it about this trusted person that suddenly makes you distance yourself so much and what do you need to do to win him back again? You will learn all this in this article.
Read here the best expert advice to win him back – step by step! First of all, learn more about the mistakes and hurdles that stand between you and successfully winning back your ex-partner. The first impulse that sprouts up in you as soon as the partner breaks up with you is that you keep putting yourself in the foreground by writing him messages, calling him, meeting him ‘by chance’ at various places or even showing up at his home several times. This is an understandable behavior with regard to the fear and pain inside you. However, these are behaviors that will only drive your ex further away from you. Imagine you want to distance yourself from a person, for whatever reason, and this person is constantly present with their actions. You will not want to see this person more, on the contrary: you feel constricted, pressured and uncomfortable. With these negative feelings, your ex-partner will not be able to develop a new love for you!
The first and most important step to recovery
The first and most important step in winning back your ex is to take a step back yourself. Always try to see and reflect on yourself and your behavior not only from your point of view, but especially from your partner’s point of view. Give him time and space, do not press him, do not play yourself into the foreground. Avoid negative feelings yourself as much as possible, for example. Jealousy, anger, rage, disappointment, etc. with yourself and do not give in to these feelings.
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if your ex, if it were the other way around and you had broken up with him, would score points with you with the behavior you are exhibiting. Be aware of who you are, where your strengths lie, and what character traits your partner fell in love with enough to choose you in the beginning. Work on your self-awareness, self-confidence and self-love. Break out of the victim role and become active.
Reflect on your past behavior and rethink your relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship has had any noticeable cracks lately and how they came about. Were there frequent arguments? Why was there a fight? How did your partner react in the quarrel? How did you react? Did you talk it out with your partner afterwards, or were the reasons always pushed under the table and everything was covered up after a while?? Also ask yourself what unfulfilled needs your partner had in the relationship that ultimately became the deciding factor for him to separate.
Become clear about which behaviors on your part were inappropriate. Have you been irritable lately and taking your stress out on your partner?? Did you not perceive his needs and he felt misunderstood? There are many reasons why the relationship may have broken down. Find this reason and work on yourself to have a fulfilling relationship with your partner for both parties. Only a fulfilled relationship will last in the long run, a relationship in which only the appearance is maintained that everything is fine and one or both partners swallow their frustration, can not last long.
What to do if you have followed all the points and are now clear about what the reasons for the breakup were?
If you are sure that you have really understood what the problem of your relationship was and you have already worked out possible solutions, seek a personal, clarifying discussion with your ex-partner. The important thing here is that there is no blaming, but that you meet with your ex at eye level. Present your point of view to him factually and let him explain his point of view. Avoid blame and accusations of any kind. Discuss in detail with your ex when it was clear to him that he no longer feels love for you. Maybe he still loves you, but you have hurt him so much with your behavior that a breakup seemed the only way out.
A clarifying, reflective conversation, in which both parties can state their point of view without being attacked by the other person, can close many wounds. Apologize if your partner makes you aware of hurtful behavior on your part and make him feel that you have worked on yourself and will continue to work to avoid this in the future. Show your partner how much he still means to you and that your relationship is worth a fresh start. Talk to your partner also about the good times and the beautiful experiences you had together. List positive qualities in your ex-partner that you fell in love with and you will remind him of your positive qualities and make him remember them.
If your partner wants some time to think after this conversation, then give him this time and withdraw completely. Wait for him to get back to you, if you were able to rekindle his interest, he will do so. If everything has not helped and your partner is too hurt, accept his or her decision. In this case, don’t go for a friendship offer either, because you will never get over him that way. Close this chapter completely and focus on your life and on a new love. You will find the love you long for if you are willing to give it to someone else.
Do not press your ex-partner after the breakup, reflect on the relationship and the behavior of both parties. Work on yourself and look for a clarifying and factual conversation afterwards, in which both can present their point of view with their feelings. Don’t push your ex to make a decision, accept his opinion whatever it may be and don’t get involved in a simple friendship if he doesn’t want a relationship anymore, because you will never be able to get over him that way. Open your heart and your life to a new person, let it come to you and you will be happy.