Taking the initiative and approaching a man properly
If you see a man often, you would like to get to know him better, but you find it difficult to approach him and talk to him yourself? And you don’t feel like waiting for him to make the first move, but you also don’t want to seem pushy? So you take your fate into your own hands.
Actually it could be so simple..
You approach him, talk to him and see if he meets your requirements: how interesting he is and if there is more in the air. But why is it so hard for you to do this easily and what can you do about it?
The role image of the woman: How your image as a woman limits you to approach a man
As a man I can tell you that many men wish to be in the role of the woman for once. Among us men it is considered one of the greatest challenges of being a man to approach and talk to a woman. We see it as our job to do it. But unclear signals from women, the opinions of others, and potential rejection make it so damn hard for us to just walk up to you and tell you we think you’re great.
And even if it is nice to hear that as a woman, after all it gives you confirmation when someone tells you that he thinks you are great, with how many women does that go down well, just to tell her that?? Unfortunately for very few.
That’s why many men wish so much to be in the role of the woman and to be addressed.
It could be that simple for you: just do it and approach him. Men would be happy to be relieved of the burden for once.
If only there wasn’t that stupid voice in the back of your head telling you:
"If I approach him now, won’t I make myself totally uninteresting for him??"
"I would love to approach him, but it’s the man’s job". And then maybe he will find me less feminine, if I take over the task now?"
"Men do want to conquer. Then he should do it now and show me how much he wants me."
What’s the truth behind the myth: Do you make yourself uninteresting when you approach a man??
It’s true: When a man has to work harder for something, he appreciates it more. That’s why many men appreciate the achievement more when they approach a woman themselves.
This is simple psychology and it is as true for you as a woman as it is for us as men. The things we can not easily have, we want even more. Because To have kills to want.
But is the flip side therefore just as true? Do you make yourself uninteresting just by approaching him??
Let me explain it to you through the eyes of a man who has sat in a bar far too many times, exchanging eye contact with a great woman he would like to get to know better, but just didn’t have the courage to do it.
We men are shy ourselves.
We are afraid of being rejected.
We think about what will happen if you don’t like us.
But that is still the lesser evil. The much bigger thing is why you too are having these thoughts about whether you should do it: thinking that men have to do it. That it is the man’s job to approach you.
Men are forced into this conqueror thinking. We always have the feeling that we have to perform and be measured by the extent to which we live up to the standard of conquering you.
It brings a lot of pressure that many men can’t handle. That’s why many men choose to let the opportunity pass rather than take on the challenge.
And it is exactly in these moments, which most men know well enough, that we wish you would approach us, or if by some hand of fate we somehow get into conversation with you.
What you should be aware of is that the blatant conqueror types, who see it as their job to approach a woman and who may find a woman less interesting when she approaches a man, are the absolute minority among men. Besides, these are the men who approach tens of women in one evening. Simply because it is their scam and they are players. Do you really want this kind of man?
If you are in a popular bar and there are 100 men there. Then in this bar are ca. 5 men who have never approached a woman because they are too shy. Another 5 men are there who always approach women and fit the image of the conqueror and ca. 90 men are among those who would like to do it, but consider it a big challenge and approach you only when the circumstances fit:
- when it is very easy to somehow get into conversation with you,
- When your interest is clear,
- and if the challenge is so easy to overcome that the chance exceeds the risk many times over.
And these men, for whom it is even a challenge to approach you, are not only the men you are really looking for, because they don’t approach every woman and just want to get them into bed.
It is also the men who do not find you less interesting if you help fate on the jumps and make the first step.
And even if most of these men would react positively to a simple Hi from you, you can also make this first step with a little trick in such a way that the man does not even notice that you have addressed him and he still has the feeling that he has addressed you.
How you approach a man and make him feel that he has approached you
Personally I am a fan of directness. I would love to be able to just tell you that I think you’re great. That I like you and I would like to get to know you better.
However, in order for me to meet with success with this directness, one thing must be given: Your interest.
You must already find me so interesting that these words do not scare you off. In some cases this is so, in others the interest is not quite so clear.
For all these cases, when you want to approach a man without overwhelming him with your interest, there is a super method. And this method also allows you to overcome the problem that comes with the "role of the woman" – that is, to assume the role of the conqueror.
You can do that here:
Talk to him without talking to him.
Before you slap me for this contradictory sentence, let me explain how I mean it.
Start the conversation with him, but make it seem like he initiated the conversation.
Crush z.B. in your handbag, while standing next to him, smile briefly at him as if you were a little embarrassed and then say "I know, we women are always so bad with our thousand things in our handbags, aren’t we??" Do not say anything more. If he finds you interesting, he will take the option, respond to you and continue the conversation.
You can also just ask him for a favor.
If he is standing at the bar and it is quite crowded, ask him if he would be so kind to order you something. And if that seems too stupid, ask if he could let you next to him so you do it.
Or you drop something next to him while pretending that you didn’t notice it.
In all cases you take the getting-to-know-you into your own hands and initiate the conversation. But in all cases he will feel like he is the brave hero who took a chance and took the getting to know you in his hands. He’ll feel like the conqueror, even though you and I know you had your hands in this one. And the little special thing about this approach: He will always feel like the protector who could take care of you.
Whether he is laughing with you at the stereotypical woman or feeling like the hero who could do something good for you.
And then it’s open season. You are in conversation and now you can find out if he is more than just a pretty face.
If you’re having trouble here and don’t know how best to frame the conversation now and make it become more, sign up for my free email course. In it, I reveal to you how to really turn a man’s head and inspire him to give more and strive for the bond with you.
But what if you still don’t dare to do so? What if you still can’t approach the man and take getting to know him into your own hands?
If you still don’t dare to open the conversation with the man, although you would know exactly what you could do, the reason is because your "inner life" is blocking you.
By this I mean that your thoughts, fears, self-doubts and so on can be simulated. from just doing it. Your thoughts are like a chain that limits you to do what you want and should do.
And for this you need to be clear about one thing:
It is beside the point if he rejects you.
It is irrelevant what others think about it, if you now approach him.
It’s beside the point if more will come of you, after all, you don’t even know him at this point.
But all these thoughts show a picture of you: that you doubt yourself too much and you put too much importance on other people’s opinion about you. And you have to put that down or you’ll never be able to do what you really want to do.
If this describes you, then let me give you some directly applicable help on how to overcome those self-doubts and negative thoughts to not only finally stop hoping that he will approach you, but also to develop a much more confident aura that will attract men.
Just sign up for my free email course and let me show you how to approach men confidently, playfully and attractively, without fear or self-doubt, and make more of you.
To do so, simply click on the yellow button, enter your first name and email address, and you will immediately receive the first email.