We all long for love and want to be appreciated. We all want inner and outer peace and a sense of connection. And though this desire is so great, we stand in our own way of doing it. It has been proven that most of them find it easier to give love, patience and compassion to their environment than to be good to themselves.
To ourselves we are rather critical and unyielding, hard-hearted and impatient. No wonder that as a result our relationship to ourselves and to other people does not want to succeed, remains superficial or is unsatisfactory.
Find the causes
The roots of this self-rejection often lie in childhood. Maybe the mother was overwhelmed and couldn’t take care of the little daughter. Maybe the father wanted a boy and that’s why he rejected the daughter. As a result, we experienced a childhood in which we were left alone, did not feel loved, were not seen or did not experience ourselves accepted for who we simply are.
From the outside, small and insignificant occasions are enough to reopen the wounds of childhood. This is especially painful when this hurt is triggered by a loved one. One wrong word, one critical look, and the pain flares up again.
We feel ashamed of a triviality, feel small, weak, stupid, at the mercy – and unloved. Sometimes we then even go so far over the top when we feel hurt. Then our environment falls out of all clouds and is – just as we ourselves – surprised about such an inappropriate and childish reaction.
Healing takes time
Healing the inner child is an important step toward appropriate, age-appropriate responses and, as a result, a fulfilling life as an adult human being. If we do not make up for this development and do not give ourselves what we were denied, we will never be truly satisfied.
If, on the other hand, we face the wounds of childhood and the difficult feelings with an open heart and a lot of compassion, this confrontation with ourselves leads to a deep liberation from the subtle effects of the past.
If we then also treat ourselves with self-care, patience and goodwill, we can unfold our full potential as a human being. Then we can set a new course and embark on a path where we can live deeply fulfilling relationships. Both with ourselves and with others.
Signs of deep hurt
Often we carry a wounded inner child within us without even realizing it. We unconsciously react hurt, offended beyond measure, disappointed, jealous, or envious, but feel that their world of feelings and beliefs, while painful, somehow feels right nonetheless.
Perhaps you, too, unconsciously carry such deep hurts within you. In the following statements, you can check if any of the most common beliefs of a hurt child also apply to you:
No longer miss anything and secure gift!
Subscribe to our free newsletter – we will send you exciting articles and inform you about current topics every two weeks.
You’ll also receive an exclusive excerpt from the creative encouragement book, You Are Stronger Than You Think, by Karima Stockmann.
Become a part of simply living fully – we are looking forward to you!
Nobody loves me
This belief arises when we did not receive enough attention as a small child and did not feel truly loved. Such a feeling arises, for example, when parents did not find time for their children because they had to work or were more interested in their careers than in their children.
This feeling of lack of attention in childhood, however, can also be caused by a terrible blow of fate. For example, when a child is born prematurely and has to stay in the hospital for a long time.
The three most common beliefs of a hurt child
1. I have to earn love
Children who were not loved for themselves often only get attention when they conform to their parents’ ideas and expectations. You are then fully aligned with this line: "If I am good, I will be loved." – "When I do something special, I get attention." Only good grades at school or exceptional performance in sports bring children the long-awaited recognition, while their own interests are not perceived by parents, but also not recognized or welcomed.
Often this dependency continues into adulthood, especially when only the career or family foundation that suits the parents is recognized, while other life plans are criticized, ridiculed or even rejected.
2. I have to fulfill the wishes of others
If children are given too many guidelines or are constantly criticized by their caregivers, they easily lose touch with their own wishes and needs. Instead, they are primarily concerned with fulfilling the desires of their significant others. The curiosity to explore is extinguished, so that a child gradually no longer knows what he or she likes. And if it still has its own wishes, it often does not dare to follow its own heart for fear of not getting attention anymore.
3. I am not right
Many children have to face critical comments because parents had other expectations or wishes for a child. Criticize perhaps your gender, your looks, or your talents. Perhaps the words of rejection have been addressed directly to the child himself/herself. Perhaps, however, it has noticed how this devaluation of the parents was expressed in the conversation with others.
When parents are not able to accept their children in their uniqueness, this can leave deep wounds in self-perception. If you too carry such a wounded child within you, realize that healing is possible. And it’s easier than you think.
The author Renate Seifarth shows in her book "Heal the child in you. Freeing yourself with mindfulness and compassion" a path that leads to more inner contentment and self-acceptance.