You’ve asked a great woman out on a first date. Often at some point the moment comes when there is something to pay for it. What do you do now – do you invite her out or not?
And how do you react when she wants to pay her share – you let her? I hear these questions all the time, so today you’ll hear my thoughts on them.
Several things argue for and against asking women out. Let’s look at the arguments for this first.
Arguments for paying for the date
Men who are proponents of asking women out on dates usually cite one of these arguments to that effect.
– You want the woman to feel absolutely comfortable
– You want to spoil the woman
– You want to show the woman that you can afford it
– They want to prove that they are successful
– You feel most comfortable doing it yourself
– They think the whole thing is just part of being a man
– They are afraid to break the mood if they make the woman pay
– They want to conquer the woman
– You want to impress the woman
-You were raised to think that’s the way it should be
Of course, other men see the issue quite differently.
Arguments against paying for the date
These men hold one of these views:
– You do not want to treat the woman like a princess on the pea
– They want to convey to the woman that they are not her servant
– From the beginning, you want to get the woman used to contributing her share to everything – including financially
– You find inviting women out of date and unfashionable
– You do not want to feel exploited
– They are afraid that the woman will only use them as a wallet or an ATM machine
– They think in times of emancipation there should be equality
– You want to be different than the other men
– You want to show the woman that you don’t need to buy her affection
– You find constantly asking women out just too expensive
Four pieces of advice about paying on dates
Let me highlight a few of these arguments and supplement them with practical advice:
1. A woman really shouldn’t have the impression that you are trying to buy her interest.
There is a certain kind of men that "gold diggers" seem to attract. These men should really watch out. Often it’s men with good incomes who can be seen to have a stable financial situation.
At the same time, they are often "workhorses" who are not yet so insanely experienced in flirting. Therefore, they often do not know which women are really interested in them – and which women just want gifts.
If this has ever happened to you, you should ask yourself: what if you don’t pay her anything?
Especially gifts like travel, clothes or jewelry you should therefore postpone until VERY much later. Speak, at a time after you are absolutely sure she would want you even without your money.
2. In the beginning there should be no expensive bills.
Expensive bills only bring pressure to the situation. The more money "invested", the more important it seems that "it was worth it". It doesn’t even have to be important for you – but for many women it often is.
Women who are not "gold diggers" often don’t want to be mistaken for such women in any way. They are even uncomfortable with you buying them something expensive before you have a close relationship with each other.
So in these cases, you’re hurting yourself twice:
– You spend a relatively large amount of money
– and make them feel uncomfortable and under pressure.
Often this mistake alone leads to the end, because the woman feels uncomfortable.
She then thinks: "Is he trying to buy me?? Think that just because he invites me to an expensive restaurant, I will sleep with him? I would feel so cheap.."
So just keep the ball low, especially in the beginning. Do things with her that cost little. Then there is never any pressure from money and you can concentrate completely on yourselves.
Recommended by Estefano: 7 unbeatable preparations for the first date
3. When you invite them over, you have to do it completely without ulterior motives.
If you don’t really want to ask her out -not to mention how the date turns out- don’t do it either.
Many men think to themselves, "Oh, I’m not that skilled, funny or good looking. I just have to dig deeper into my pocket to have beautiful women in my life."
But this is a very dangerous way of thinking. Because in this way they only attract women who are interested in their money. This can lead to really bitter situations.
When the money runs out, or the woman has a richer guy on the hook, the "love" can be over very quickly.
So give this kind of thinking a wide berth!
You are worth women liking and wanting for you! And if you still have skills to improve in the matter of women, then do it directly. This is how you become the man you actually want to be.
4. It depends on the woman
Some women make a point of paying their own share of the bill (especially in the beginning). In no case do they want to feel that they owe the man something.
(Especially because these men exist. Hardly any type of man is as unpopular as the "I invited her for a drink, so she has to give me her number" guy.)
Other women find it charming or even romantic when the man invites them out.
This is how you solve the question: "Should I pay for the date??"
As you can see, it all depends on the two of you.
You should always know what you want. That’s how it is in this respect.
– Do you feel comfortable paying a woman something?
– Can you do it out of kindness without wanting anything in return?
– Do you like women who want to pay themselves?
As a straightforward rule, I would recommend that you make sure the bills are small – and then you make the attempt to invite her out.
If she doesn’t want it, don’t insist on your position, but make her pay her share.
Overall, money should simply not play a role between you – not even in the long run. Because if she wants money, she doesn’t want you – and then she doesn’t care where the money comes from either.
Of course you can also give her presents, or pay for a trip for you, if she cannot do that. Then you should be really sure that she would like you just as much if you earned less.
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