You’re out of the whole thing. Such cliques always seem mega casual to me and I immediately feel moved to want that exactly too. Suddenly there is this flashback and I want to have OC California like also a clique, a firm gang. School, university, job, best friends forever, from couple to couple. How can you as a couple still find new friends nowadays, who have no one at the waffle, but tick about the same – and may I express this desire at all aloud at my age. You know, cool cliques like that, so friends for him and her- that just fit.
My thesis: With getting older making friends becomes more and more difficult.
It is probably mainly due to one’s own ideas about life. In university time you were glad to meet like-minded, equally lazy, equally hardworking or equally unmotivated fellow students. First tender friendships in the first semester were easy to establish. Even after that with boyfriend everything was good and the clique was a real gang.
But somehow it becomes more difficult in old age. Sure everyone has their friends that they bring into the relationship, but doesn’t it make sense to also make friends together, to also be friends with couples as a couple? Is there an equivalent to Tinder for this? Frinder? "Find your great friends for the perfect us."
"We love barbecues, good wine, but are out with binge drinking and stool gang discussions. Contact us! XOXO.
Somehow, couple friendships are probably also this kind of relationships that want to be nurtured on all levels. These people must get along however additionally still all equally well. She likes my friend, I like his wife? Can I like the child of the two? And why does it actually say cappuccino in big letters on the kitchen wall?? At the latest here the decision is already made whether it fits and whether it could be forever, whether the barbecue evenings do not become stinking boring, the other pair lives in a completely different dimension and whether one has no intersections in life with each other at all. Greeting from the other side of the street- yes. But please not every Sunday for a glass of wine.
Find like-minded people without seeming pathetic or aloof. A tightrope walk. Because even as a couple you feel like long evenings with nice people who have the same thoughts and ideas about life. The desire to go out to eat, have nice conversations and the certainty that the couple we visit or who enters our apartment ticks like us. Who wants to tie friendships to the leg, which could also burden the own relationship, because the others are rather weird than nice and that is a topic after every visit? Pair of friendships
Please do not get it wrong.
It is not about new experiences in swingers clubs because we have been together for so long and are bored with each other. No. Also, the friends we have are quite wonderful. Nevertheless I may ask myself the question, if finding friends together makes sense at all? I also want to be able to make new friends as a couple, as you and me. Discovering fun and common hobbies. I don’t want to be lonely as a couple in a small box without social contacts. The you and me shall not become a we forever because no one wants to have anything to do with us anymore.
When you are together for a certain time you have friends, he and she. They often find each other. But meeting friends together and sharing the friendship happens rather rarely. As well? Should we just sit down at the table with strangers, because they seem to be incredibly likeable? "Hey, nice shirt. Cocktail? Barbecue? Best man?"
Making friends gets harder as you get older and as a couple it’s a whole different level again. Most of the time we always have the same people around us. People who feel good and right to be with. But maybe then the input to develop further is missing? In any case I don’t want to be stuck in a kitchen with a coffee slogan on the wall.
Looking for friends for longer term, couple to couple. Looking for couple friendships.
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64 comments so far on "Couple friendships? Looking for friends for the long term."
Funnily enough, I have also thought about this very often. Christian and I are a strong team, a great "we" with a lot of love for each other. My boyfriend is unfortunately only every 4 weeks, for 2 weeks there – a sailor just! New contacts but also old contacts do not understand how our living together works, but I am of the opinion main thing we understand it. Our relationship is built on an incredible amount of trust, but we give a lot more to each other, so you are willing to admit it. We try to make the most of our time together, we don’t need binge drinking and weekends full of club parties or other mass events to do that. Sushi together, visits to the cinema, a stroll through the flea market, cocktails or even in the evening on the balcony – often just the two of us, because common couple friends are really few. For many people, the weekend just has to be a busy time, it’s already a busy time for us at work, so we like to be more relaxed on the weekends.
I often think that these people flee from the peace and quiet of their own home, maybe they don’t want to talk about life with other people.
We stay on it, sometime the coincidence wants it and we find the one or other couple which ticks exactly like us and I believe you also. &
Best regards,
Juliane
A good article and a good topic.
We have been married 35 years, together 40. Offspring leads its own life. Couples from relatives and acquaintances are rare. Lost many due to separation, death, moving to other cities. Friends exist, couples hardly. At our age, over 70, we get pretty lonely.
Therefore: do everything you can for a good circle of friends and do not be too critical and too demanding. It does not have to fit 100 percent.
All love
Marlies
Such a wonderful and true article. Not even just on this couple level, but in general. Finding friends becomes more and more difficult the older you get. When I moved to a new city, I felt stupid at first and asked myself: "and now??". Social media is a real help there, but like you mentioned – you feel weird at first. But I have noticed: It is like this for many. Way too many. Therefore it is not at all bad, if one looks offensively for friends. Because that’s not an experience you have all by yourself.
How often have I discussed this with my boyfriend in the last few years?. We have been a couple for almost 10 years now. Which does not mean that we are bourgeois and do not know what to do with each other. We are still just as crazy and slightly weird as before but unfortunately more and more often in the situation that you think in the evening on the terrace or Sunday morning in fine weather: "So a beautiful Lauer evening, come we ask xy whether they come over and put what on the grill, oh no too spontaneous …" or "After ZQ we wanted but for a long time times, would be nice if someone else goes along?".
To get to know someone and not feel weird because you have in the back of your mind this weird scenario of a discreetly desperate couple with swinger club mentality is indeed difficult. Or first of all to find someone. Someone who is just as uncomplicated, has understanding (or at least smiling acceptance) for one or the other quirk, in the best case shares and is on the same "level" in a certain way.
Of course it is quite normal that in the circle of friends always something changes however straight if one feels the "last" childless and unmarried pair is one wishes itself Gleichgesinnte.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends’ kids, love to spend time with them, but a spontaneous barbecue with wine and music late into the night is going to be rather difficult.
I press firmly the fingers because it goes to us hairgenau in such a way, my hope lies there with the coincidence&
So if you should find an insider tip, I am happy about a hint&
Greetings and a nice sunny Monday!
Hello from Ammersee,
We are in a similar situation (10 years together, unmarried, childless, etc.).) and your answer sounds sympathetic. Where in Germany are you?
Ho Marcel, would be cool to hear from you, completely without swinger club ulterior motives&
Dear greeting from the Oberland
Hello my name is Laura and my boyfriend is called Chris. we are 21 and 22 years old and come from munich.
We are currently quite the same we are also looking for other couples to do something together.
If of you etv jmd has desire lonnt you us also gladly an email under [email protected] write.
We would be very happy if jmd finds for common undertakings such as cinema amusement parks go out to eat etc.
You still a nice evening and greetings from Munich.
Hello Marcel,
the article speaks to us azs the soul and also we are again and again on the search for pair friendships. Life is constantly changing. We are from Landsberg am Lech and are about 50 years old. The article is nicely older and also your answer. Nevertheless, I just try times. Maybe you are still reading this and still open for new couple friendships. We would be glad to hear from you/you. VG Bettina