My child does not want to have his diaper changed

Baby lies on the changing table

When we asked you in our cooperation series to post in the comments which topic is urgently burning under your nails, the problem that many children don’t like to be changed came up again and again. Especially diapers with stool content seem to be vehemently "defended" by some children They simply refuse to cooperate in changing diapers. This often results in real diaper fights between parents and child. Of course it should not be like this. Therefore, today we look behind this widespread phenomenon at the possible reasons for refusal and try to find workable solutions. I won’t be able to reinvent the wheel, but maybe there is a trick or two that you don’t know yet.

Reasons for the problem

There can also be psychological reasons. The feces is something that children consciously "give away" At a cognitive stage where it is still understood as part of their body. Like cutting hair and nails, giving up your own (firmer) excretions is a step that some children have to take away the scary aspect of for a long time. For us adults, it is clear that feces must go in the toilet and hair and nails must be cut regularly to avoid looking unkempt, but to our children it seems more like they have to give up an important part of their body each time.

Mini-fissures are painful tears at the anus, which sometimes appear when too hard stool was secreted. These fissures are so small. sit on the inside so that they can hardly or not be seen with the naked eye. However, they are still very unpleasant for the child, both when excreting and when cleaning up, so that he or she reacts by refusing to be changed (and in the worst case, by sticking to it).

Solutions for the behavior

1. Be clear

2. Acting sensitively

I’m sure you guys are already doing this, but for the sake of completeness, I’ll write it down here: It is important that the diapering process be done delicately from the beginning, with respect. Unfortunately, it is still common practice for babies and toddlers to have their bottoms sniffed in public to find out if a diaper change is necessary – I find this disrespectful to the little human being. I realize that parents just want to see if a diaper change is necessary, but I’m sure there are other ways to do it. It’s also important not to just pick the kids up and pull them out of the situation, but to announce beforehand what’s about to happen and to accompany the steps with language. Slow, gentle handling and caresses are also an important step for a good diapering experience.

Baby holds mommy's finger

3. Creating a warm environment

4. Diapering standing up

4. Have diaper changing toys ready

As I wrote under point 2, a nice changing routine is very beneficial. Part of this is, as parents, looking at the child while changing him, talking to him, and involving him in the changing process by letting him pull the wet wipes out of the box or pick out a new diaper. If one is so in close contact with the child and the child likes this exclusive togetherness, then the following tip is not suitable. However, if your child is already older and would rather go back to playing than looking deeply into your eyes while changing diapers, then it might help to put a distracting toy in his hand to soften his aversion to the whole process a bit.

To keep the toy exciting, it should only be used for diapering and should be changed often. I’m not a fan of flashing toys per se, but I would actually make an exception when changing diapers. Anything that makes diapering easier is allowed. The child wants your cell phone? Okay, why not? It might even help to put a mirror above the changing table, so that the child can watch his diaper being changed. With us for a while (as I said, we diaper standing up) a Tip Toi book including pen was very interesting, currently it’s a small digger and a front loader, which is played with on the stool while I’m cleaning it.

5. Make nonsense

The son of our blog doctor Laetizia really didn’t like changing diapers at all, which was very exhausting for her, especially when her second son was freshly born and always hung in a sling in front of her chest. From this time comes her trick of combining diaper changing for the big one with a lot of nonsense. Now Laetizia has remained a child at heart, fooling around with her children comes wonderfully easy to her. Every time her son wet his diaper, she would ask him what the poop looked like? Are they little bunny droppings? A big elephant ball? A cow patty? A fly spot or a dog sausage? This is how she got him to have his diaper removed. They examined the diaper contents at length and while they talked, Laetizia quickly cleaned up son’s bottom. She made, in her own words, a "waaaaay too much fuss" around the diaper contents. Her strategy worked well – she always managed to get her son to come voluntarily for a diaper change.

Helped her with the books What do you have in your diaper? and "From the little mole who wanted to know who hit him on the head, which is about the consistency of the feces of different animals.

6. Let children explore

7. Turn 180 degrees

8. Bringing the child back

9. Keep and/or let run around naked

10. treat fissures

Our series on child cooperation

35 Comments:

I would like to go to Nr. 1 add something: In my opinion, it should also be considered a child’s need to not walk around with poop in their diaper for long periods of time. The intestinal bacteria can cause unsightly infections, z.B. a urinary tract infection. Since we are pre-damaged in this respect (although it was not because we changed diapers too seldom), it is clear to us: A diaper has to come off immediately, even on the way, then we just change him on the playground (discreetly somewhere at the edge, of course) or in the next cafe. I would like to spare my child another inpatient hospital stay.
It may be the child’s desire to continue playing even with poop diaper, but his need is to not get sick.

The idea of Laetizia is hilarious :’D
I have to try that!

Thanks for the other tips too, some things have been really new to us and we’ll give everything a try :)

With my son it has helped for a long time if he is allowed to take something from the play situation to the changing table and hold it there. With this he does not feel so much taken out of the situation. Also, since he’s big enough to understand, I’ve been doing it so that as soon as I notice he’s pooped, I ask him to let me know when he’s ready to be changed. Normally he will let you know within the next 10 minutes!" and runs with me to the bathroom. If it takes too long, I ask again, but 80% of the time it works.

You can also build a Pikler attachment yourself. O-Ton of our neighbor "for 30 Euro".
We ourselves have paid 90 euros used and have never had a diaper c(r)amperation. So thumbs up for the grid attachment!

Are there any instructions for the Pikler essay?

You can also shorten a side bed a little and screw it upside down on the changing table. Used one gets it for 20 euros

Changing table is very popular at the moment thanks to the photos I stuck on the dresser.

Hello,
thanks for the nice summary!
With us, problems with diapering were phasewise. At the moment the stool diaper is also actively hidden, although it seems to be uncomfortable for him – unfortunately you really can’t smell it very well and I sometimes only notice it when he doesn’t want to sit down or starts whining. He is 2 1/2 and on the one hand often has the play situation problem and on the other hand doesn’t like to be undressed, dressed or changed. That is already too much situation change for him.
We also often take toys out of the current situation, but I’ve also taken the changing mat from the bathroom to the living room.
I try to stay relaxed and ignore the grandparents’ lack of understanding as to why the child isn’t finally coaxed and pushed to go potty. I (Ossikind) was already clean with one year and my husband (Wessikind) with two.
Ohmmmmmm.
Love greetings!
Christine

My daughter likes birthday cards that can be flipped open and play fun music while changing diapers. Singing birthday flowers have an almost equally high entertainment value, they are available as a joke article for a very low price at Amazon. Since I have these "musical treasures I have discovered that diapering is much easier. But the important thing is actually exclusive use in the diapering situation to keep it exciting and interesting.

I had the feeling my daughter felt bad with the poop diaper because I got a little hectic calling "poop done". After we read a book about it and I am now happy to call the same, usually even comes running voluntarily, as long as I offer something interesting to play with in my hand in the process. And standing diapers are very easy with diaper underpants, you put them on like panties, but they are just normal diapers.

You are soo great! Again a big THANK YOU for your great articles!

I find the series really exciting. I am unfortunately not yet a mother, but so I learn already some things on which one can pay attention. That way you might also avoid certain things and be better prepared. I am already looking forward to the next article.

When my mother-in-law recently said, running to the dwarf: You stink, you stink! When I had to reproach my boss for this, I retaliated: "We have to collect the stinky now so that the cigarette company can use it to make new stinkies for grandma. The embarrassed look was delicious. I think she understood that she had offended the dwarf with her manner, although she meant it affectionately.
Unfortunately, this trick brings the "stinki as a resource does not get us anywhere. ;-)
In fact, it often helps us to offer him a bath in the bathtub so that he will get rid of his clothes and diaper. I guess he just doesn’t like the wiping of the bottom. However, he also does not like to put on or take off clothes very much, which is why sometimes even the bath does not pull.
When undressing and dressing we sometimes get on with the undressing song: we undress the bodysuit, we undress the bodysuit, we undress the bodysuit!
A trick for dressing I am still missing. He doesn’t seem to feel that it’s cold, although his skin is already starting to cool down. Warming clothes therefore does not help. Swaddling bodysuits for two year olds would probably be a help, since they don’t have to go over his head. I already had to sort out numerous sweaters because the head hole was too tight. But even shirts and jackets he puts on reluctantly.
Greetings
thuri

Big fan of your blog, thanks for that!
We have the changing table for space reasons in the study and there is conveniently the Ikearegal next to it. I only realized how practical it is when I went to a friend’s house "without" have swaddled.
1000 thanks!

In our house the whole changing table is a high Ivar shelf. With drawers and a homemade changing top that sits on a shelf. Super practical! :-)

The solution to our dressing problem was merino wool bodysuits. Wonderfully comfortable on the skin and well stretchy and quickly pulled over the head. The swaddle bodysuits ended up in the box very quickly for us. Viell. His solution for you? LG

I am very curious how the diaper change will be with us in the future. Our little one is only 5 months old. So far, our little raven is kept away for the big business with pleasure. He even interrupts breastfeeding when he makes big. He then lets himself be held off and is then quite impatient to get back to the breast as quickly as possible. But he can’t stand drinking and filling his diaper at the same time or drinking with a full diaper (on the way). Also at night he prefers to be kept away instead of filling the diaper. And when it is well filled (mostly during the day) we have to change it as soon as possible, otherwise he grumbles or even cries.

Thanks for the cooperation series. The topic had also just occupied me and I had gotten me some literature before your series has started. There was the book: Erziehen im Vertrauen – das joint-up-Konzept by Heinz Etter. Turns out it’s more suitable for parents of school age children or teens. But I found the approach very interesting. If you messed up in toddlerhood,because you didn’t know this blog :-) and the kids don’t want to cooperate, then you get a new perspective and practical help here. The author based the concept on the work of Jesper Juul and quotes him a lot in the book.
Maybe it doesn’t quite fit into the topic of diapering, but I just wanted to add it because I found the book quite interesting.

Love and keep up the good work :-)

thanks for the tip – that sounds very exciting! The book goes on our wish list :-).

I have gone through everything in the meantime. Distracting also helps only partially. What has helped me: in the bathtub (standing up) swaddle. I think this is a cheap alternative to changing grids etc. My friend has a hard time with it because you need some practice but with me it works wonderfully. LG

Our son is now a good 20 months and for a few weeks he can be changed every now and then badly. That means in the morning and at noon it is not an issue, in the afternoon he gets the crisis as soon as you want to put him on the changing table and changing becomes a fight. My husband has now switched to changing him then on the bed, which also works well.
Yesterday I wanted to try it anyway and insisted that we stay on the changing table and what can I say . it was the horror for both of us. :-( he screamed and I screamed back and in the end we were both very sad. I was really scared of myself that I can yell at my son sooooo and hold him just to get my way! Especially since I am actually a very patient person. Especially in relation to my son.

I really vowed that it wouldn’t happen again and I’ve gotten a lot of suggestions here on how to handle it better.

Thanks for the great articles!

Thanks! It is comforting that others feel the same way.

Hello!Thanks for your great blog and interesting articles. I devour every new post immediately:-)
When changing our mouse becomes a roaring beetle and I have already taken all tips to heart. Standing it worked well for a while. Since a few weeks, however, it is again difficult and I have broken my head. She gets really angry with her just 16months. And it takes way too long in her opinion.
Wrapping your fabric animals is exciting. She also imitates it but in itself it does not help. Since 3 days I close the diaper before and she can actively help to put it on. Works great! Finally found a compromise.♡

We have also tried everything. Exclusive toys, involve our child, nonsense until the Horst comes – diapering was the absolute struggle. Especially poop diapers – and we have them here 3 times a day. Now my daughter (2 years old) is always allowed to watch a short animal movie on her phone during diapering (and only then). Whether it is right to distract such an unpleasant situation for her by consuming media – no idea. All I know is that it’s much more relaxed and not everyone is completely frustrated afterwards.

I would say: Sometimes the end justifies the means ;-).

We’re stuck in the loop right now and I can’t figure out. Yanis is now 22 months old and has been steadfastly refusing to be changed for a good month now. No matter pee or poop, he wants to keep it on and screams like a banshee. To really get it right, there must be three of you; one lies down next to him and watches something fascinating with him, another swaddles him. And the three of us are very, very rare! We have rattled off all the points in this article, and just can’t find a way out of it. In the meantime it happens that we only change diapers when there is poop, and pee diapers sometimes stay on for a whole day, which I find very uncomfortable, but he apparently doesn’t. I’ve considered introducing him to the potty, but that doesn’t seem to be working out too well yet and I don’t want to push him too much either, it’s supposed to come from him when he’s ready. Can such a diaper hurt? Can switching to washable diapers make a difference? Or is it just a phase and has nothing to do with physical sensations?. It’s such a struggle every time, and even if I would say "okay, so he screams a few times a day like a spitfire, it has to be done". ", first of all I can’t get used to the idea, secondly I run out of patience at the latest when the diaper was full of more than just pee, and when the excrement lands everywhere due to his kicking, and I have to put him and myself in the shower and wash all the towels in the vicinity. There must be a solution?
Petra

Yes, so steadfast refusers there are sometimes. This is an exhausting situation. In any case: It is only a phase! Only it is still an unpleasant phase. I would try to really take the pressure out of it as much as possible and leave the diapers hanging. It’s not problematic for the butt unless it’s kind of sore/teared or something. A change to washable diapers could help, because there the pee gets cold quite quickly and that is more unpleasant than in disposable diapers. But: The things are quite expensive and if it does not help, you have spent a lot of money for nothing. I got on my son’s nerves quite energetically with a poopy diaper, kept asking him if I could change the diaper now and we eventually agreed that he would let me know when it could be changed. He usually wants to finish playing something or other. It worked well from 2.5 years onwards. Otherwise you can also try bribery. I’m not really a fan of that, but if something else doesn’t work, I’d promise gummy bears if he lets me roll him and let it wear off after a while. This is still better than changing him screaming with violence.
Good luck! Snowqueen

I have a confession to make: Our little snuggler MAG likes his full poopy diaper; he also deliberately says he wants to "sit in it". The change is then really a struggle, he usually does not want to give the thing. Last night I got involved, first this, then that, then playing car and he really stank, which I discreetly made him understand. It was then bedtime and I realized that the game would go on forever. Then I said, now we change and put him on the changing table despite fierce resistance, held and removed the diaper. The new diaper he tore away and wanted to grab the dirty one and put it on again. I then put them on top of the cupboard, he made a huge fuss, ran around on the cold floor without diaper and socks and screamed like hell; wanted ice cubes for his alleged ouch on his tongue (is sometimes such a quirk of his), then he didn’t want them and again from the beginning. Was completely through and no longer to calm down. Then, when he was briefly in a room, I rang my own doorbell; intercom. it was "the police, who was worried because the little man was screaming so loudly and who wanted to help him and (yes, I have to admit it) "maybe have to take mommy with us for a while". Then he said into the earpiece "no, don’t take mummy with you" and was very calm. The police agreed and I explained to him why they wanted to help him because they thought his mom was doing something really bad to him that he had to scream like that. From the ringing the mega screaming fit was immediately rum. He said later, the police is broken, made eia on the cheek (had hit me) and apologized for it. Today he was swaddled twice without any problems and in the morning he said that he was not screaming at all. I am really not a friend of threats and I have packaged it as a help number and it seems to work.
Oh yes, a few times the alter ego trick has worked too. In the nursery he can be changed without any problems and sometimes the mom was the nursery nurse and talked like her (as far as possible), then it worked somehow; but yesterday it didn’t help anymore. Tomorrow, by the way, we’ll meet a policeman friend of mine, which I’ve already announced to him, and fortunately he’s not afraid that he might take mommy with him.
In general, however, I would have liked to find another solution, especially I find it really alarming that he obviously enjoys singing in his own sh. to sit. I really hope that he will not develop a fetish like that. If someone knows a better solution to this or at least knows what the reason is, I would be really grateful.

I have a confession to make: Our little snuggler MAG likes his full poopy diaper; he also deliberately says he wants to "sit in it". The change is then really a struggle, he usually does not want to give the thing away. Yesterday evening I let myself in on it, first this, then that, then play car and he really stank, which I also gave him discreetly to understand. It was then also bedtime and I was clear, the game would go on forever. Then I said, now we change and put him on the changing table despite fierce resistance, held and removed the diaper. The new diaper he tore away and wanted to grab the dirty one and put it on again. I then put them on top of the cupboard, he made a huge fuss, ran around on the cold floor with no diaper or socks and screamed like a banshee; wanted ice cubes for his supposed ouch on his tongue (it’s such a quirk of his sometimes), then he didn’t want them and all over again. Was completely through and not at all more to calm down. Then, when he was briefly in a room, I rang my own doorbell; intercom. it was "the police, who was worried because the little man was screaming so loud and wanted to help him and (yes, I have to admit it) "maybe have to take mommy with us for a while". Then he said into the earpiece "no, don’t take mom" and was quite calm. The police agreed and I explained to him why they wanted to help him, because they thought that his mother was doing something very bad to him that he had to scream so much. From the ringing was the mega screaming fit immediately rum. He meant then still later, the police is broken, made eia on the cheek (had hit me) and apologized for it. Today he was swaddled twice without any problems and in the morning he said that he would not scream. I am really not a fan of threats and I have packaged it as a help number and it seems to work.
Oh yes, a few times the old ego trick worked as well. In the nursery he can be changed without any problems and sometimes the mom was the nursery nurse and talked like her (as far as possible), then it worked somehow; but yesterday it didn’t help anymore. Tomorrow, by the way, we will meet a policeman friend of ours, which I have already announced to him, and fortunately he is not afraid that he could take mummy with him.
In general, I would have liked to find another solution, especially I find it really alarming that he obviously enjoys sitting in his own sh. to sit. I really hope that there is not a misdevelopment and he develops such a fetish. If someone knows a better solution to this or at least what the reason is, I would be really grateful.

Hello dear ones.

Unfortunately we have a problem with our son (3) with the bowel movements. Since he was 3. On his first birthday he holds back the stool and only ever puts it down in small amounts. At first we thought it was constipation and went to the doctor several times. When it didn’t get better, the pediatrician told us that he probably does it on purpose because he had a bad experience (e.g. very sore bottom). By holding it in, new pains arise, which cause new fears. A vicious circle.

We asked our son about it and he confirmed that he was intentionally doing very little and didn’t want to make a big pile. That he has pain when making Kaka, he denies. But he does not give any other reason. This went so far that we really changed him every half hour and produced tons of diapers etc. If you let him go without a diaper, he goes in the potty and recognizes when he needs to go. But he does not want that and usually cries for the diaper.

Now the doctor has given us "Kinderlax" given. It is supposed to soften the stool so that he can no longer hold it in. If he does not feel the cocoa for a long time, the fear of it should go away with the pain. She says that until he goes to school he should not need it anymore. It is very unpleasant for me. First of all, I don’t want to have to give my child anything for years. It can not be healthy, if his intestine does not have to work itself. Secondly, it doesn’t change our problem. He continues to make small amounts, only now they are mushy. Now when we let him walk without diaper, he constantly soils his socks. He no longer notices anything.

I must admit, we are slowly with the nerves at the end. We never wanted to put pressure on him (we never did) or anything like that, but we are starting to hear phrases like "Well, why don’t you make a real pile?. I think our son also notices that the constant diapering is very exhausting for us (especially on the way).

What can we do now? I want to give my son time, but the whole drama has been going on for months. How can I motivate him to leave the diaper off??

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