In fact, besides the online and social media world, there is a tangible reality that is often forgotten! For some an unexplored area, when it comes to the topic of addressing women. If you also belong to this group, which likes to let the eyes wander extensively but let all the beautiful women just pass by? Then do something about it! Of course, approaching women has to be learned and requires a pinch of courage. But test it out and experience the positive consequences of getting to know someone in real life.
In this article you will find:
Basics – seize opportunities
According to a survey in Germany wait ca. 50% of women want the man to make the first move. But only about 30% of the men start a flirt attempt. So there is a gap that you can close. In addition, the survey shows that only about every tenth woman takes the initiative when addressing. 1 Your dream woman will most likely not approach you by herself. So we have the question of "Should I really approach you??"already clarified.
Situations arise daily. Every moment when a woman attracts your attention, you can see as a potential opportunity. In your other life you also choose your hobbies, friends and even the food in the restaurant yourself, why give the rudder out of your hand, when it comes to one of the most important decisions in life? Sure, the easiest way is to wait for a lady to approach you and bite on it. This can work and make you happy, but do you really want to throw your desires and demands overboard and fall back on the nearest one?? No – after all you would not be here otherwise!
Whom – which woman to address?
If you have not yet set your sights on a lady of your choice, everyday life offers you a wealth of opportunities to meet women. You do not have to pay attention to signals, because many women do not expect to be approached in broad daylight. But you can do exactly that. If a pretty woman catches your eye, you already have a potential target.
Am I allowed to do that at all? Sure, chatting people up is not forbidden by law and finding a partner is a central aspect of human life. Generally it is not a bad quality to be interested in people. Addressing women means getting to know people and broadening one’s horizons.
We do not accept any excuses. "She’s much too hot for me!" or "She is surely already taken…" are pure, but unfortunately common, prejudices. Do not build on assumptions. But find out. But more about that later.
WHEN to approach women?
Actually, any time is the best time. As soon as a lady catches your eye, you can react. If the thought "Should I? Should I not?"If a woman reaches your consciousness, it is already high railroad to change into an active mode. Of course, depending on your experience, you can think about an opener* for a moment, but then you should act quickly, before the moment flies and your beloved gets on the subway.
But only if you do not rely on luck and coincidence and make sure that there will be a next time! Be honest with yourself: how many chances have you already given away and never seen these people again??
If you are in a location (disco, bar, coffee, etc), do something about it.) pay attention to signs of your environment. Some men are actually completely blind to the signals of a woman. You notice glances from the table next door? Or a person moves past you conspicuously often? Respond to them.
* INFO: An opener is a phrase, sentence, or even an action with which you open a conversation. bring about.
You catch the eye of this particularly pretty woman. What will you do? Act! And do it right away!
WHERE to address women?
Quite simply, where they appear. Even if some locations are better suited to approach women, but you will rarely find ideal conditions. In principle, the places to approach women can be divided into two categories.
How to approach women in everyday life
Just like it happens in the schmaltziest Hollywood blockbusters. In the coffee shop, at the lake or sea, in the gym, on the way to work, in the supermarket… the examples are countless. Two advantages are obvious:
- The surprise effect – On the one hand, women do not expect to be approached in such situations. So you fall out of the boring standard grid. Honesty is very refreshing – feel free to admit that it is not an everyday situation for you either to address women in everyday life.
- On the other hand you already have something in common – You are in the same place. Which is usually excellent for first topics of conversation. Sometimes excuses can be used there to get in touch.
Addressing women flirt-expecting places
Just in situations (z.B. Clubs, bars, etc.), where women expect pick-ups and the like, you should adapt your strategy. Unfortunately, many women gain bad experiences, especially with regard to drunk or too pushy men. Be a refreshing alternative and behave against your expectations. Especially extremely pretty women are rarely approached and look forward to an interesting conversation.
TIP: Only waiters or generally service staff who are professionally obligated to be friendly can be dangerous and are therefore usually taboo. Your friendliness should not be misunderstood as interest. You can of course test it out yourself but don’t develop false hopes with these ladies.
Just in everyday life there are countless situations to address women. (z.B. like here at the university)
HOW to approach women?
Now the supreme discipline – Which topics do you address?? How should you behave? Although the opener depends strongly on the situation, let’s try to go through the whole procedure step by step.
1. Be creative
and develop your own style. Questions about hobbies, the origin or the work can be absolute desire killers.
- Example:"You seem very self-confident and seem to be a woman who knows exactly what she wants. What would a woman like you wish for, if she had one wish free?"
- No-go:"What are your hobbies?" – "I like to drink." – "Oh, and otherwise so?" – "Not much except drinking." (actual answer of a woman to my colleague)
2. Think one step ahead
You ask a great question and are promptly rewarded with an answer. Be prepared for possible reactions to keep the conversation exciting.
- Example:"If you were to spontaneously get on a plane, maybe even with me, where would it go??" – "With you I do not get on a plane." – "Very good, would also be extremely questionable if you would immediately travel with a stranger." (the answer could also be positive and therefore reveal a lot about the character of the woman).)
- No-go:"Are you here often?" – "Yes" – "Aha, very nice."
3. Forget small talk
dive right into a topic. Or deal immediately with the current situation. Standard questions about age etc. you build in later.
- Example:"Don’t you think that a hot coffee would be the right answer to this dog weather?"
- No-Go:"But the weather is lousy today." – "Yes, indeed." – "Do you still have something in mind?" – "Yes…"
4. With charm and/or humor
If you manage to bring a smile to her face, you have already passed the first hurdle with flying colors. Besides, a gentleman with charm and good manners is never out of fashion.
- Example:I like to look you in the eye, but your dress looks just great on you"." (Especially in locations where flirting is expected, you can assume that women have spent more time on their outfit/look beforehand. You are welcome to reward this effort with a compliment. Applies to hair, makeup, jewelry, etc.)
- No-go:"You are the most beautiful in the room today." (too general, too clumsy)
5. First impressions count
Attraction and attractiveness remain purely a matter of feeling in the first moment. By the effect of the Priming, with it directly in the first seconds a picture of you in the head will consolidate itself. Sure, over a longer period of time you could convince her. But you usually won’t get this chance.
- Example:" Hi. It is usually not my style to approach strangers, but you immediately caught my attention. You seem very sympathetic to me."
- No-go:"Hi, saw you and you look very good. Wanted to ask you therefore, how you are called?"
6. Be in a positive mood
Good humor and a smile always go down well and are contagious.
- Example: Very simple: Smile! Best already before you address her.
- No-Go: Whine "I had a hard day today." or fuel the bad mood even further.
7. The body signals must be right
Align your body to her. Use broad gestures to suggest an inviting feeling. Keep your distance but quietly approach a little during the conversation.
- Example: Straight but still loose, relaxed posture. Body turned to the woman. Confident voice.
- No-Go: Approach from behind. Mumble. Approach from the side.
8. Eye contact
We cannot preach it often enough. Eye contact catapults a conversation to the next level of intensity. Keep eye contact even on the street. This will immediately tell you who is looking at you too.
- Example: Make eye contact from a distance.
- No-go: Still be natural. It should not feel like staring.
9. Learn their name and use it more often too
If she responds positively after the first few sentences, introduce yourself with your name and ask for hers that way. This not only comes across as personable, but also adds a more personal touch to the conversation.
- Example: Opener – "By the way, I am the … What is your name??" – "Isabella" – "Isabella, nice to meet you." – a little later – "By the way Isabella, what do you say you and I do some shopping and then meet for coffee??"
- No-Go:"May I ask what your name is??" – "Isabella and you?" – "Nice name. I am the …" (as you can see, this stops the flow of the conversation)
10. A compliment to start with
This point is debatable. Especially if you only refer to simple optical characteristics, the compliment can be taken negatively. Try to make a creative and charming statement here as well. The compliment should be formulated rather subtly.
- Example:"You have a very attractive charisma and seem extremely likeable. I would regret not talking to you now."
- No-go:"You have a great figure. May I stop you for a moment?" or "You have the prettiest face I’ve ever seen"."
Remember their stories and listen to their stories. Especially if you pull these anecdotes out of the hat on the right occasion, they will be positively surprised.
- Example:"…you solve this history just like at that time on Mallorca?" or "There would be your carnival costume as … again practical."
- No-Go: Repeated questions are absolute lust killers and testify to inferior interest.
12. Disclose your intentions
Be open and do not hide the fact that you are not looking for a colleague. Women want to know where they lie. Dating is something very natural. You can also mention that you are not someone who is constantly chatting up women.
- Example: in the supermarket: "Sorry but you like it too? And I thought I was the only one! Then we probably share the same taste."
- No-Go: Also in the supermarket "May I ask a quick question? How do you ..?"
IMPORTANTGive her from the first moment the feeling to be something special and not only the next one on your prey train. We know that this statement is a controversial point, because men are assumed to be only after one thing and to use any means to achieve it.
From our point of view, every person is unique and why should it be forbidden to give someone an honest good feeling?? Respect and honesty are the cornerstones for it.
What to do in case of rejection?
Everyone knows it when addressing women: "Sorry, I don’t have time right now." or "I am taken."A little white lie, which should convey to you that there is no interest. So expect reluctance or an excuse every time you attempt flirtation. Better yet, expect it and prepare for it. In fact, it is often a reflexive protective mechanism for an unexpected situation.
In addition, many women want the man not to give up if the contact does not go as planned. The saying "to fight for the woman" has so to speak also today still its value.
If it does happen and you get turned down, don’t fall into despair immediately. With the sport you also do not give up immediately, if the first hit lands beside it. Important thereby the realization should be: The rejecting woman is not to blame for your emotional pain. Lack of interest is not a crime. A failed pickup attempt just as little. So stop using slurs and distance yourself from curses "What a lousy lay…" or "All women are shi…".
Withdrawal is not a solution. Get up and move on. Change your tactics and approach new women!
IMPORTANTMany gurus mention that no one is to blame for failure. Who then? Mother Nature? We like the view that we ourselves control our lives and actions and are responsible for them. Therefore it is up to everyone to change something. You have the power to do something!
Addressing women and the permanent pessimism
Especially when talking to women, many men remain hopeless pessimists. "She certainly does not have time.", "I’m sure she’s not interested" or "She’s playing in a league too high"."Why so negative? Think differently: "She is single and determined!", "She needs variety!" or "She needs someone like me!" What sounds like a macho saying boils down to pure self-motivation. You determine your inner basic attitude.
And the saying "I will see her again"." or "Next time." we also do not let apply. Exactly this hurdle must be crossed. If you even begin to think of such a saying, it should be a sign for you to act immediately.
Who now thinks: "This will never happen to me in the real world."Keep your head up and your eyes open! Think positively and you will experience such situations.
Pick Up – Approach women with system
Of course, we dealt with the topic "pick-up" and an article will follow. BUT up to now exactly this topic of the systematic woman acquaintance polarized in our environment the most. In the "honest" pick-up, shouldn’t woman and man be winners? Many condemn this planned approach as mind games or manipulation.
There should exist systems, with which every man can successfully approach women? Critically, if everyone is using these methods, why should this work? The Pick-Up thought is based on taking up deeper evolutionary needs and trying to lead the woman in a certain right way.
Pick-Up knows many tricks, which, in our opinion, work in essence. With all the criticism: Many successful men already behave according to the rules of the art of getting to know each other, of course without knowing about it, and are successful.
6 simple tips – basic principles when approaching women
Again, our basic rules for approaching women strongly summarized:
- be well-groomed – You can not change your appearance but women pay attention to whether you show yourself quiet and well-groomed.
- be in a good mood – Good mood is contagious and that’s what it’s all about in the end… Spending a good time together.
- be curious – Be interested in them and their stories. Ask questions and you will not run out of things to talk about.
- Be honest – You are a man, you know what you want and you are looking for a partner. Women want to know where they stand. And even in times of emancipation many women want to be conquered.
- Be creative – You are not like the other guys. Then don’t talk like that either and forget bland introductions.
Woman successfully approached and invited for coffee
Addressing women from the woman’s point of view
Do women find it annoying to be approached or are they happy about it?? Every woman feels differently. In our experience, women with a fundamentally benevolent aura tend to be approached more often. To be danced to every 10 minutes or permanent unimaginative pickup can press on the fun brake. If a stubborn prospect just won’t let go, that can also be very nerve-racking. Here many men simply lack self-reflection. You should be able to notice when a woman is besieged, when she seeks contact or how she reacts to your closeness.
On the other hand, as mentioned above, many women are waiting for the man to make the first move. Especially pretty women are often neglected, because many men do not dare to approach these women. Women want to spend in principle also only a good time and you could sweeten the moment for her. A short report from a woman’s point of view proves that a personal approach makes you stand out from the crowd and women will credit you with your courage.
What women want
One theory is that women don’t know what they want (neither do men, by the way). Would you now master the power of mind reading and do everything that the woman wants. How would that go? In the first moment Great, but in the long run the thing carries a bland aftertaste. You will quickly lose your attraction.
What are we getting at? Women don’t want just one type of man, but a mixture. So stay yourself, with all corners and edges, which finally make you interesting. Friction generates heat in the end. And in fact we have already heard of the opposite: some women are also put off by a man being too attractive. Subconsciously they feel they can’t keep up. So don’t worry – with men it’s really the character that counts.
"You should not understand women! Because women understand women and they do not like each other."
Conclusion, fears& Motivation
To be nervous at the first contact is completely OK. Maybe you even tremble a little. But eventually the adrenaline rushes will reward you and fuel you to go on. The fear can only take away the routine. And finally, you will feel more confident with every conversation. Even if you get a rejection, you are already one step ahead of other men.
And don’t forget, instead of the worst case scenario (of rejection), keep the best case scenario in mind. Or do you also play lottery and assume not to win anything anyway? No, you want the jackpot! And by acting, you will reach him also.
After you were successful in the conversation, of course you should think about the next step. Do you want her number? Or better to go straight for a coffee/drink? Should the whole thing be the first step for getting to know each other or just a few hot hours?
"At the end of life you regret those things you did NOT do more than actual missteps."?
In this sense we wish you a lot of fun with flirting! Of course we are happy when you tell us about your successes.
INFOOnline dating – i.e. approaching women on the Internet – we have deliberately not addressed in this article. The online contact attempt has many parallels to the offline variant. However, due to the online anonymity and other restrictions, you have to approach things differently. We will go into this in the future.
Ahead: Away from Tinder and Lovoo, we recommend that you compare dating portals first. While some are only after your money, you can actually find it with others.
True Stories – true stories of getting to know each other
The daily encounter
I was lucky – on foot on my way to work I met a pretty woman almost every day. Unfortunately it took a long time until I banished my morning grumpiness and finally sought eye contact with her. And lo and behold, I was promptly rewarded with a sweet smile. I let the game run for a few days and built up tension. Then the next time I met her I greeted her with a simple "Hi"!" – she was surprised, answered and we both went to work with a good feeling. Of course, now was the time to act. The very next day I approached her. I had to learn "Who’s behind that sweet smile."and asked if she would like another "Hi" after work today. I would reward her for that with a drink/coffee.
With open eyes through life
In the previous story was based on a coincidence. You can help your luck with the women to address however on the jumps. On rainy days, I liked to walk along the sidewalk with a gigantic umbrella, also on my way to the station for work. I had noticed the numerous women, who hurried quickly, so as not to get a drop of something. And that’s where I jumped in. At the next crossing I simply held my giant umbrella over it. Smiled briefly and offered to "give her a ride".
Don’t be shy
Even in the disco you can find many women who are rarely or only clumsily hit on. Look for eye contact and just talk to her. Only in the rarest cases I got an immediate rebuff. Sometimes I ended the conversation. But openers like: "You look like a pretty interesting woman. I would like to know more about you." show immediately what I want to get at and offer the possibility to ask questions. By the way, I have actually met a lot of interesting women and heard some exciting stories.
Who does not know these classics? Company party or outing. First and foremost the infamous Christmas parties. In fact, sparks have flown here many times before. So I was also once on a trip to the Oktoberfest. Previously, I had already had lively e-mail contact with a distant work colleague. The alcohol and the relaxed atmosphere at the Oktoberfest did the rest.
Of course, you should be aware, especially at professional events, that there is a time after that. You should be able to live with the consequences or in case of doubt better leave it alone.
The second chance
Finally a story, how you should not do it. I saw a hot woman dancing with another man on the dance floor. I had already noticed her several times and I already knew her name. Unfortunately I lacked the courage to approach her. Instead, I wrote to her a little later via a social media platform. And lo and behold, I had also caught its eye. Since I like sporty women, I agreed to go for a run together. Perfect, I could make up for my slip-up and a relationship blossomed. But remember: not everyone gets a second chance!