Cross questions: how to show other women i’m interested?

Bisexual women, how do you flirt with other women?

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Love bisexual women,

I would describe myself as bi-curious. So far I’ve only had relationships and dates with non-queer men, but can also imagine a relationship with women or non-binary people. But it never happened – and I think that’s also because I have no idea how to approach a woman in everyday situations, for example a fellow student or a person at a party.

With men I eventually realize that they are flirting with me – with women I don’t know the codes

More than once I found a female or non-binary person cute and was less interested in a friendship with her than in a date. But I have never dared to flirt directly or ask for a meeting. How do I even find out if the other person is also queer? Isn’t a direct approach much too clumsy?? I don’t want to press the person, if he is straight.

Are there signs you can look for that indicate the person is interested in more than friendship?? With men, at some point I realize that they are flirting with me. But in my friendships with women it is often normal that we are very close to each other, hug, sometimes cuddle and hold hands. In the same way we compliment each other on our outfits or make-up. That’s why I think it would be harder for me to notice if a woman was trying to flirt through physical contact or nice words.

And: how do I show the woman that I am interested? Is it better to say openly: "Hey, I’d like to go on a date with you!" Or wait and try to make discreet signs? How to make discreet signs at all?

Dear bisexual women, please tell us about your experiences and tips!

Your bi-curious women

The answer:

Dear bi-curious women,

I know the problem. Flirting with men – no problem, but how do I do it with women? It actually took me a little while to figure that out, but it works pretty well now.

First of all, how do you find out if a person is queer?. If queerness isn’t directly apparent on the outside, there are a few ways: For example, I always hint that I’m queer and not just dating men in direct conversation with women and non-binary people that I find intriguing. I also often just tell people about queer movies, music, Instagram accounts, or books that I thought were great, or about this column. I’ve often seen women and non-binary people who are also into women take this opportunity to tell me that they are queer as well. What also helps: Spread the word that you are bisexual in your own circle. This has two advantages: If many acquaintances and friends know about your bisexuality, they will often tell you who of their acquaintances is queer. They also keep telling them that you are queer. And once the other queers out there know that you are available and interested, they are much more likely to dare to flirt with you.

Even when flirting with women, it’s helpful to read body language – or just ask cheekily for a date

But you also asked about signs that show a person is interested in more than a friendship. There is, for example, this typical, somewhat too long eye contact. I recently saw an interesting woman on the street coming towards me and looked at her for a longer time. She caught my glance, noticed that I was watching her – and when I didn’t look away, she really started grinning and we nodded at each other. It was already clear that we find each other quite cute.

Which brings us to the discreet signs you can watch out for or set yourself. Generally, a lot goes through body language. In a conversation with an acquaintance, for example, I noticed that she always looks at me with great interest, searches my gaze longer than usual, and touches my arm remarkably often. In the past, I would have thought: oh, she’s just being nice. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s why I now react to such small signs if I find the person exciting as well. I don’t look away, I also touch the person, and if she really wants to flirt, she will react to that in turn.

Cross questions: how to show other women i'm interested?

bisexual people, aren’t you actually pansexual?

Pansexual people fall in love with others regardless of their gender. Doesn’t that apply to bisexuals as well?

But I understand that it gets a little tricky at this point. Because, as you already said, with women you are more often physically on the road anyway and give each other compliments. To be on the safe side, it helps to flirt a bit more offensively. "You have cool eye makeup" has a different connotation than "You have beautiful eyes". What also works well: To approach the whole thing a bit playfully with humor and to say something like: "If you don’t feel like men anymore, then let me know!" Either the other person goes for it, maybe gets a little embarrassed or flirts back. Or she interprets it as a joke or doesn’t go into it, then you know too.

Not only are you looking for queer people, the queer people are also looking for you!

Generally speaking, however, there is nothing to stop you from being completely open about what is going on – just as there is when two straight people start dating. Why not just ask: "Do you want to go on a date with me??", ask, "Tell me, are you flirting with me right now??" or, quite directly: "May I kiss you??"Sentences like these have already led to exciting encounters where both people previously thought that the other was not interested. If the other person is not interested or is straight, they will say so. And in the best case you can laugh about it together. I have never experienced anyone feeling pressured in the process. Most of the time people were rather flattered.

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