Now she is gone, gone and i am alone again, alone

Photo: Goran Horvat via pixabay

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A breakup and subsequent singlehood seem to be distressing to people who were previously in long-term relationships. Leaving your partner or being left by your partner usually results in an uncomfortable feeling of loneliness. This unfamiliar feeling can quickly become alienating, and it is not uncommon for many newly separated people to want their partner back again.

When can a love comeback work out?

Whoever was responsible for the relationship breakup: A breakup probably leaves no trace on anyone. But if ex-partners can forgive each other and forgive mistakes, it is a good sign that they can start a relationship together again. It is also important to note that both worked on themselves during the time of separation. For only by reflecting on past mistakes can you avoid them in the future.

Conversely, you should not get involved with the ex if you know that the reason for the breakup is unforgivable for you or neither of you has worked on yourself. "Insight is the first step to improvement" it is said. Therefore, an honest reflection of one’s own behavior is essential in order to possibly have a harmonious relationship with EX again.

The reason for getting back into a relationship should not be that you feel lonely without your ex-boyfriend, because this is absolutely normal and there are other interesting people who are also worth getting to know.

Even if the time alone seems alienating at first, you should not try to fill this apparent void only with your ex-partner, just because it seems to be the obvious option. Try to spend a lot of time with friends and your own family first to feel less lonely. Your friends will be happy to hear from you a little more than usual. Once your head is clear again, you will be able to assess the pros and cons of winning back your ex-boyfriend much more objectively.

Now a plan is advantageous to win back the ex

Build up your own self-esteem

Especially as an abandoned person you see yourself in the role of a victim in case of a separation. Therefore, you should first of all focus on doing something good for yourself more often in order to rebuild and strengthen your self-esteem. Talk everything off your chest with your friends and family, so it doesn’t weigh you down so much right away.

Spend time without your ex!

Do something with your family and friends to change your mind and get out of the victim role. This is how you prevent yourself from becoming dependent on your ex and wanting to get back together just out of loneliness and convenience.

Keeping in touch in a friendly but objective way!

The best thing to do is to severely limit or completely block contact after the breakup. Keep some distance and either wait for your ex to get back to you or check in with an innocuous, "Hey, how’s it going??". Don’t write too euphorically, but in any case remain polite and friendly.

Initiate a meeting!

The next step is to ask your ex out on a date. It is much more difficult to communicate clearly via text messages. In addition, you can build up closeness more easily in personal contact than via impersonal messaging services.

The reunion. Photo: Adina Voicu via pixabay

The reunion

Choose neutral topics of conversation! Emotional conversations at the reunion can make him emotionally attached to you, but then the likelihood is very high that this attachment will result from his compassion. This is not a good start for a relationship. Love ideally grows stronger with time, pity on the other hand has a much shorter half-life and is also a bad basis for a revival.

Keep a positive aura! For example, if you are still visibly scarred by the breakup and are chasing after him, this can quickly come across as unattractive. Happy, independent people seem far more attractive and therefore also more interesting!

Stay true to yourself! Just because being content with yourself is attractive doesn’t mean you have to smile throughout the date. Show him your honest feelings! This shows strength.

Meet in a neutral and beautiful place! The home of one of you or a place with which you have many shared memories is hardly the right place for neutral conversations. So, for example, find a cafe with a great view that you both don’t usually frequent or rarely do, or to which you have no emotional attachment.

What you should absolutely leave at the first meeting

Don’t blame him! Even if your partner has made mistakes in the relationship, you should not reproach him for them without being asked to do so. This seems off-putting and resentful. However, you should also not fall into the opposite and shower him with compliments. It seems intrusive.

Do not make up tall tales! The truth always comes out after all. And even if not, a lie can be very incriminating. This is not a good new start for a relationship 2.0.

Don’t make him jealous! It may seem that jealousy could fuel the combativeness of your ex. However, the sad reality is that he often feels discouraged to win you back.

Take it slow! What was once broken also needs time to be repaired. Quick shots could cause here the opposite, thus beautifully step by step, because the first meeting does not have to be the last, however, all the larger is then also on both sides the joy over the next date, you will see!