Pretty girls can be seen everywhere – in cafes, shopping malls, city parks, clubs, supermarkets, buses and trains, bookstores, soccer stadiums, fairs and more. Actually the perfect opportunities to approach women, or? Actually
Still, we men let just about every flirting opportunity slip through our fingers, and get really annoyed at our hesitancy. In addition, women rarely make the first move. Even today, it’s up to us guys to take the initiative when getting to know each other.
But don’t worry, I will help you. With my tips I will tell you how you can overcome your shyness and take the first step towards ladies in order to have great conversations, get phone numbers and maybe conquer one or the other heart while flirting..
The best: You don’t need years of study for all this. If you have read this blog article, you can go out and attract attractive girls today.
Addressing women: Fear and heart palpitations like skydiving!
Addressing strangers is a seemingly insurmountable obstacle for many men. We guys are just afraid to get a fat basket and to embarrass ourselves to the bone.
And when we do muster up the courage? Then get red in the face and start stuttering because we find the situation so incredibly embarrassing. We just don’t know how to do it and what to say to the girls.
Why does being approached scare us so much? – 3 true reasons
The same phenomenon can be observed again and again. Even hardened and tough guys who appear fearless like James Bond suddenly get shaky knees and heart palpitations when they have to approach women. I once had an elite soldier in coaching who was more afraid of chasing women in an average German pedestrian zone than he was of fighting in a war zone.
Realistically speaking, approaching women is really not dangerous. You won’t be riddled with bullets or lose a leg. The worst thing that can happen is to be rejected. In all my years of flirting I have not even received a slap in the face, although I was often not squeamish when hitting on women. But then, where does this unfounded fear come from that we men experience when we want to approach women??
Reason #1: Primal fears from the Stone Age that live in us
There is no really reliable knowledge about it until today. The causes of phobias can be very complex and are therefore hotly debated by psychologists (and those who consider themselves to be such). Some believe that the deep-rooted fear in us goes back to the Stone Age.
If you got on the wrong Neanderthal lady’s nerves, you could be expelled from the group. Or the chief has pulled his club directly over your skull. Addressing women could therefore mean death – an experience which, according to some experts, is still in our men’s bones.
Reason #2: Bad experiences in childhood and youth
But you don’t have to travel quite so far into the past to explain the fear. A look at your own childhood and adolescence is already enough. Instead of love and security, many of us have had bad experiences, from rejection to violence to bullying. Therefore, self-confidence is tarnished and we have developed a great fear of rejection by "baskets" when we are supposed to approach women.
Reason #3: Hysterical parents who forbid contact with strangers
There are also parents who systematically teach their children not to make contact with other people. So you sometimes see hysterical mothers and fathers in restaurants or parks, hastily dragging their overly brash and outgoing offspring away from strangers, or at least "whistling" them back. "Leave people alone!"Many of us were allowed to listen to such sentences as a child. That this childhood experience shapes you should be clear.
Overcome fears quickly – by approaching with "eyes closed and through"!
But how to get out of this shyness? Wherever it comes from, you should do something about it to be able to approach interesting women with confidence. You can, of course, lie down on the couch with your therapist for the next year and explore yourself or try to heal yourself with hypnosis.
But my experience shows: The proof of the pudding is in the eating! If you confront the fear and make a habit of approaching women despite the uneasy feeling, you will lose your fear most quickly. In the next part you will get practical tips that will help you overcome your shyness everywhere in everyday life.
1. Good styling with top hairstyle and clothes
Before you go, you should have an honest (!) Take a look in the mirror. What do you see there? That’s exactly what women see… Like everywhere in life, the first impression counts and can be a "door opener". With a good styling (hairstyle, clothing, well-groomed skin, etc.), it is not dangerous.) you have immediately better cards with the flirt, as well as later with the Dating. Reason enough to always pay attention to this before leaving the house.
2. Conquering approach anxiety: slowly increase the level of difficulty
You don’t have to jump into the deep end and immediately go for attractive women if you are still too shy. Start with easy exercises, for example asking passers-by for directions or the time of day. This is how you first get used to contact with strangers. Once you’ve climbed this first step, you can gradually move on to harder and harder tasks – until you’re casually approaching the hottest ladies!
3. Oh miracle: The catastrophe does not happen
We guys are so afraid of being approached because we have horror ideas of what can go wrong. The woman will laugh at me or slap me in the face, deliberately spill her coffee down my shirt… When you actually approach women, you will learn that it’s all nonsense and nothing serious will happen. Many ladies react positively, give you a smile and even distribute their baskets politely. These good experiences will help you overcome your fears.
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4. The best remedy against fear: Loose handling of baskets
And if she does react negatively? For your head it is important that you do not take baskets to heart. Think of it as a casual game where you are the Super Mario! There will always be people who can’t "smell" you. Besides, the basket doesn’t have to have anything to do with you personally. Maybe that fury that just dumped you so badly is just having a bad day.
5. The attitude when flirting: Yes, I want to collect baskets!
Sounds crazy? But it is not! You can conquer your fear and program yourself for success by simply changing your attitude. Don’t see the rejections as something bad, but as a necessary experience for your personal learning. Go out there and say to yourself: "Today I want to get baskets from women!" The effect: You will start to enjoy rejections instead of being afraid of them.
6. Throw negative beliefs in the trash
Many men develop a fear of rejection because they simply don’t think they are good enough. That nasty little imp in your ear just grumbles all day: You’re too fat, ugly, poor, wimpy, never find a girlfriend/relationship… No wonder there’s a huge response anxiety spreading. Kill that goblin in your ear and contradict him inwardly when he starts talking that nonsense again. This is how you will learn to approach women more confidently over time!
7. The 3-second rule: No time for excuses!
If you see a beautiful woman, you will find a hundred thousand excuses NOT to approach her: I don’t look good today, she must have a boyfriend, I’m going to get on her nerves… That’s why you have to approach a hot lady within 3 seconds as soon as you see her, instead of waiting several minutes. The reason: In these 3 seconds the brain has no time to come up with excuses. But after these 3 seconds the bullshit in the head starts again… therefore use the short time window!
8. How to approach a woman in the best way? 3 ways to your goal
All well and good, you might think now, but how do I approach women properly?? What’s a perfect first sentence? There are three ways to get to know someone, all of which have worked in my personal experience. Which of them is the best for you, you have to find out yourself.
Strategy 1: The direct approach with compliments
You can let the proverbial cat out of the bag right away and express your interest unmistakably through compliments. So you say for example: "Hi, I know we don’t know each other. But you just caught my eye and find you really interesting!" This type of approach is straightforward and honest. The lady knows immediately what it’s about and can respond to your flirting attempt or turn you down.
That’s why this method with direct compliments is very time-saving and you know immediately from her answer where you stand with her. At the same time, the man shows great courage – a quality that directly gives plus points with the opposite sex. If you want to approach women in this way, however, you should be aware that some ladies may be taken off guard by this brash approach and may take to their heels.
Stratagem 2: The indirect approach to women
Why should we men always fall immediately with the door into the house? You can also approach the women very "gently" with a pretext. For example, you ask them on the street where there is a good restaurant in the city, with which bus line you can get to the city hall, etc. In the club you ask her which cool DJ is playing. From such questions can then develop quite casually a conversation. Since most people are basically helpful, nice ladies will readily answer you on any innocuous topic.
Here you give the lady the opportunity to get used to your presence and if she likes you, you can start a hot flirtation after a few minutes. This method is tedious, but can be the better choice for shy women or in public situations where a direct approach is not appropriate. Even insecure men find this indirect strategy easier in the beginning.
Strategy 3: The situational approach
In addition, you can improvise when getting to know each other and instead of a prefabricated sentence flexibly refer to your surroundings. You ask her what she has bought when she is carrying heavy plastic bags from the H&M or you ask her in the disco what strange drink she is drinking that looks like frog vomit.
If you want to approach women in this way, however, you need to be observant and spontaneous. After all, you need to be able to quickly turn interesting things that catch your eye into a promising line. The big advantage here, however, is that situationally addressing women comes across extremely naturally, since you don’t resort to prefabricated and artificial-looking phrases from your collection of sayings.
9. It is better to leave witty flirting sayings
If you search the Internet, you will find witty flirting sayings. These pickup lines for men are really funny, but in real life they are just clumsy when flirting. Therefore, you should better refrain from these sayings as a conversation starter. If you can’t keep your hands off these phrases, at least put them across with irony so that you can both laugh about them.
10. Opportunity makes love..
You don’t have to rush right out and tell the woman how great you think she is. It is often helpful to wait for a suitable situation. She is standing at the ATM and just pulls out the fresh Euro bills? In such a sensitive moment she surely doesn’t want to be spoken to! Before she thinks you are a trickster, wait until she has stowed away her money and is walking down the street (or to the next best store).
11. Do not forget to smile and positive body language!
Even if you are still afraid of being approached, you should always make sure to smile in a friendly manner. Remember: She doesn’t know you, so you have to be trustworthy right from the start. Body language is also important: stand up straight and loose, don’t step too close to her, but respect her privacy. Do not cross your arms in front of your chest or scratch your face nervously, but gesture calmly and confidently.
12. Building an interesting conversation
Of course, just saying hello isn’t enough – you want to really get to know the woman and maybe even get a date out of it. Basically, for each of her answers you can ask a new interesting question, so listen to her carefully! She told that she is just shopping? Find out what she has bought. A red scarf, is their answer? Then you ask them if red is their favorite color, etc. This is how a conversation develops. If you get along well: don’t forget to ask her for her cell phone number (or at least her Facebook contact)!
13. Not afraid to address groups of women!
Most men have a huge fear of approaching women in groups. But that’s a pity, because many ladies are in a pack (or at least with one single girlfriend). If you chicken out here, you’ll miss out on a lot of opportunities. You will notice that making contact with a group is not that difficult. Ask them a fun question or riddle, at the disco for example: "What does Santa Claus do in the summer when he is off duty??" Here a funny discussion can arise, about which you can very easily continue the conversation.
14. The right flirt in the right place
As I said, you can approach women everywhere: On the bus, on the street or classically in the disco. Of course, you should develop a sense for the situation in which you meet the women – because addressing in a quiet bookstore is something completely different than the hot flirt in a loud and freaky club. So adapt your strategy to the location correctly!
15. And if you’re so nervous you can’t speak…
… then you tell her exactly that! "Sorry, I don’t often approach girls, so I’m quite nervous right now and I don’t know what to say". But I just found you interesting and had to go to you!" So much honesty and modesty looks sympathetic. Many men think they always have to play the cool macho to be well received – the opposite is the case!
Where can I approach women? And say what? 16 tips: The best opportunities for flirting
Do you remember what you learned at the beginning of this article?? Exactly, great ladies are everywhere – and these are countless chances to find the great love! So the question should rather be, where can you NOT approach women?? You can, of course, contact ladies at any place where you meet them in everyday life. Here are a few more tips and ideas you can use to get in touch with girls today:
- In the library: Pass her a piece of paper on which you have drawn the grid for Tic-Tac-Toe / Three Wins. If she is cool, she will understand the prompt and get into the game.
- In front of the supermarket: Take out a 2-euro piece and ask her if she can change it for you (because you need a 50-cent piece for the shopping cart).
- At the coffee shop or bar: Ask her for a lighter (because you want to light the tea light on the table).
- On a crowded bus or train: Give her a note in her hand that says: "Do you want to go out with me?? Tick: Yes / No." This reminder of the childish love letters from elementary school are sure to provide a laugh.
- At the club: Take the hat off her head and say: "Sorry, I just have to put it on and see how it looks on me!"
- On the park bench: Sit next to her and ask what book she reads, what music she listens to, etc. Here’s some more help on how to flirt in the park.
- On the platform or at the bus stop: Check in with her to see if the move or. Bus has already left.
- On Facebook: Write her that you know each other through a mutual friend and how great you think it is to meet her here again now.
- In line at the Starbucks: Tell her you’ll let her go ahead because she looks so thirsty.
- In the club or in the pub Greet her and her friend by holding out your glass to toast with them.
- When she’s out walking the dog: Give her dog a compliment and pet the cute pet. Women like animal loving men.
- In the strange city: Ask her to take a picture of you in front of cathedral / city hall / landmark XY.
- On Facebook: Write a cheeky and funny comment under her post and hope that she responds to it.
- At the bar in the disco: Give her your drink menu and ask her to order you a drink if she gets to it early.
- At the bookstore or record store: Get a book or. Recommend a music album of hers.
- On the street: Tell her that you just had to approach her, because otherwise you would be annoyed like hell.
What other tips you need to keep in mind…
You want to conquer your fears and finally conquer the attractive women you really want to have?