Heartbreak: dealing with unrequited love and separation

When people are unhappily in love, they describe their heartaches as lovesickness. But what is lovesickness at all? And what helps against lovesickness? In this article on the topic Processing separation or. Overcome separation you will learn everything about the term, the causes and ways to overcome lovesickness and the unfulfilled love to fight.

heartbreak: heartbreak or more?

Wikipedia gives the following as a definition for the term lovesickness: "Lovesickness (obsolete: heartbreak) colloquially refers to the emotional reaction to unrequited or lost love. In the vernacular we also speak of a broken heart. Although this generally refers to psychological processes, physical symptoms can also occur, including the so-called broken heart syndrome, in which life-threatening dysfunction of the heart muscle can be the result."

alt="Heartbreak: overcoming unrequited love and separation, heartbreak-separation-heartbreak-relationship-ending-broken-hearts-300×94" width="300" height="94" />Love sorrow is mostly symbolized by a broken heart.

According to this definition, lovesickness is an emotion or a feeling. several emotions, but can also take on physical proportions. This shows that Heartache are possible with lovesickness, but not everyone is affected by physical symptoms.

Also, two major causes of heartbreak can be identified. Firstly, people suffer from lovesickness in connection with a partnership. This can happen for example during a Relationship crisis or marital crisis or after a separation.

In the case of a Separation the partner can still be attached to the ex and wants to save the relationship. In this case, the person does not even have to love the other person anymore, but the habit is the real reason. If the partner still loves the other person after the relationship has ended, his love is unfulfilled. In everyday language, however, we speak of lost love instead of unrequited love in this case.

The second reason for lovesickness is based without a steady partner by the side. This is the case when someone is in love and this love is not reciprocated or, for example, because of shyness, the beloved person is not approached. If someone is in love with a person and this person does not return the love, one speaks of unfulfilled love.

No matter what the reason of heartbreak is, whether separation or unrequited love, the pain seems unbearable. But cheer up, the pain again with time will be less and one day completely gone.

Marital crisis and relationship crisis: jealousy and other causes

A partnership is something beautiful, at least as long as both partners are floating on "cloud nine" and wearing rose-colored glasses. If the everyday life returns into a relationship, differences arise again and again, which must be mastered. Not all Relationship problems can be solved directly, but some manifest themselves as insurmountable hurdles.

Now the partnership is in a so-called relationship crisis resp. Marital crisis. The causes of the relationship problems can be very different: different goals, different understanding of the relationship, jealousy, infidelity ..

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A marriage crisis can lead to heartbreak. In the worst case a separation takes place forever.

Let’s take jealousy as an example. Partner A is very jealous and really wants to bind partner B to him or her. "Control is better than trust" is the motto of partner A. The other partner B, however, now reacts in a completely unexpected and blocked way. He withdraws.

The jealous partner A now intensifies his control, because the jealousy in him says that the withdrawal has to do with another person C. However, the more partner A controls, the greater the distance becomes.

The partnership is on the brink and that Relationship end becomes more likely. Now both are in a relationship crisis / marriage crisis. The basis for lovesickness is created, although lovesickness can also arise during the distance.

Partner A feels that the love between them is breaking up because of another person and partner B is lost. Partner B, in turn, feels offended, for example, or cannot comprehend A’s behavior at all. Partner B can thus also succumb to heartbreak.

Heartbreak due to pain of separation

If the partnership breaks up because person B has left person A, the heartbreak grows. Now a line of finality has been crossed from a desperate situation in which both partners suffered. Instead of working on the relationship crisis or. marriage crisis to work, one has thrown in the towel and chosen the end of the relationship. But also this person B can feel lovesickness. Thus, even in amicable separations, both people can suffer from this very separation.

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There are many ways to communicate a breakup. Some, however, only leave more questions and can increase the heartache.

How long this Breakup pain lasts, depends on the person and the environment. Especially people who feel very lonely after a breakup usually need a longer time to process the breakup.

Likewise, the strength of the feelings of love is decisive for the heartbreak. Here also the personality plays a role. People who fall in love fiercely, but also frequently, tend to experience great heartbreak, but also overcome it quickly through a new partnership.

Others believe in the great love and see this in the ex-partner and mourn this for a long time. This means that there are no universal answers to questions such as "how long does heartbreak last after I have been dumped??" or "How long does it take to process a breakup??".

Four stages of breakup: overcoming heartbreak

Generally, overcoming heartbreak to process a breakup is divided into four phases divided. Some also speak of stages of separation or stages of grief in heartbreak. Not everyone goes through all four phases to the same extent. Previous experiences influence how someone deals with heartbreak and copes with the breakup.

Phase 1: Not wanting to admit it

In this first phase of the separation, the partner does not want to accept the separation. The breakup is kept secret from others, because thoughts like "he’s having second thoughts" determine the emotional world. People in this phase tend to want to win back the ex-partner. This can also be the partner who is breaking up with you.

Phase 2: Breaking up feelings

In this phase, the end of the partnership and thus the separation is accepted. Feelings of anger, sadness and hopelessness define life. The pain of separation pulls the rug out from under some people’s feet. Some people fall into a deep hole during their heartbreak.

The sufferer may even lose himself in unrealistic thoughts, perceiving the relationship in his memory from a much better perspective. This naturally increases the pain of separation, because you have the feeling that you have lost something wonderful. The causes of the breakup are sought in one’s own person and thus a very negative self-image is created.

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Coming to terms with a breakup takes time. How long heartbreak lasts varies from person to person.

Phase 3: Reorientation

In the third phase, one’s own life is actively taken into one’s own hands again and a future is seen. The most difficult time after the breakup is over and hope marks the path. Even in this phase, the heartbreak is not yet completely overcome and thoughts of the partnership can arise from time to time, but they no longer determine life. Likewise, the context for the breakup becomes clearer and the causes are no longer attached in one’s own blame.

Phase 4: New concept of life

Now the separation is processed and the heartbreak is overcome. The partnership belongs to the past. The person is aware that the breakup was good and now feels stronger and more experienced.

What to do about heartbreak?

The question "what to do about lovesickness?" can be answered from two points of view. This is due to whether the question is more about preventive measures or what to do in the case of heartbreak.

Avoiding heartbreak is very difficult, however, because after all, you don’t know beforehand where your love will fall and whether it will be mutual. Whether a partnership lasts depends on many factors. Each partner can contribute. First of all, the two personalities have to fit together, then the partnership is based on a solid foundation.

Now it is important that each partner takes the needs of the other into account. Every person has rough edges. If one partner is very disturbed by the other’s idiosyncrasies, this can also be a reason to discard their negative behaviors.

However, if it is an important part of the personality of the person, which makes him special, the fit should be checked again. Not every problem is reason to directly throw in the towel. Here both partners should work together on the problem and possibly on reaction patterns (for example, giving up too quickly).

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No one is protected from heartbreak. But a separation can also be prevented under certain circumstances by both partners.

What to do about lovesickness because of unrequited love?

A rather neglected point in this article so far is lovesickness with unrequited love. Again, you need to work through the heartbreak and let it go. You can’t force someone to love you. If someone does not dare to share his love and therefore suffers from heartbreak, it helps to build self-confidence and self-esteem.

Almost everyone has had to endure rejection in their lives. Therefore, it is not worth not confessing your love to someone out of fear. Ask yourself what you have to lose and you will realize that you can only win. You have a no for sure, so a basket is the status quo.

Especially in this day and age, shy people find it easier to approach others and reveal their love, as smartphones and PCs offer an even greater protective wall than letters used to do. In case of rejection, it is much easier to save face by claiming an oversight or something similar.

Overcoming shyness also needs practice. The more often you talk to other people, the easier it is for you to do that. Turn off your head and just make the move. As soon as you start thinking, you will come up with 1000 reasons why it is bad to approach someone. Second by second the scenarios in your head get worse. So you will never overcome your shyness.

So act rather than just think. According to the motto: You never regret what you have done, but always what you have not done (Marcus Aurelius). If necessary, get support for the first step from your circle of friends, so that you can fight against your unfulfilled longing for love.

What to do about heartbreak after a breakup?

Unfortunately, there is no cure-all for heartbreak. Some people wish they had a pill they could swallow to escape heartbreak, but it doesn’t exist yet. But there are some tips against heartbreak that help to fight the pain of separation.

As with the feeling of loneliness, alcohol and drugs are not a good choice here. It is much better to let the feelings out. Crying is allowed. This also applies to men. An exchange with other people, for example the best friend, is useful. An alternative is a so-called lovesickness – forum. Here you can write your heartbreak from the soul and get support from like-minded people.

Music also helps against lovesickness. But choose happy music and disregard ballads. An example of a song that includes heartbreak itself and comes with a cheerful melody is by Siw Malmkvist and is "heartbreak isn’t worth it" (watch it on Youtube here).

Do something nice and avoid at first things that you have always done with your ex-partner, because then you are only unnecessarily exposed to the thoughts of the relationship again and the heartbreak will probably increase even more.

A common tip is to avoid common places after a breakup. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, for example, when both work in the same company. In general, any distraction helps, so that you do not only think about the breakup.

If your heartbreak is very strong and you are even thinking about suicide, it is time to seek help from a psychotherapist, for example, to deal with the breakup and overcome your heartbreak. Being abandoned is hard, but not the end of life.

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Heartbreak hurts, but with time the heart will heal and new courage will be taken.

Separation for a time

Sometimes it happens Separation for a time, that is, the partners are separated for a certain period of time. This scenario is typical for relationships that have to deal with changed life circumstances. Many couples talk about a temporary separation, for example, when one partner has to go abroad on business and the other partner can’t go with them.

However, a temporary separation can also be a so-called timeout in the relationship. This is suggested by at least one partner when there are irreconcilable differences, but they are still holding on to the relationship. It is not a permanent end of the relationship, but if the relationship problems can be solved, the relationship will be resumed.

Most often, partners use the time of such an end of relationship for reflection. So they can think in peace, whether the relationship still makes sense or the disadvantages prevail. Accordingly, a temporary separation can be a step towards saving the relationship as well as towards ending the relationship.

Some couples come to the conclusion that they end the relationship, although they still feel something for each other. Such a separation despite love has mostly a non-match of the partners as a cause. If both have different goals in life, it is important to weigh up. Either one’s dreams must be abandoned or a separation must take place in spite of love.

A separation despite love is in this case in the long run the better step for both persons, so that one does not sacrifice itself. After all, each person should live his or her own life.

Relationship tips: Saving a relationship

A breakup does not always have to be final. Some people, for example, tend to overreact and regret even their own decision to end the relationship. In such a case the relationship can still be saved and the ex can be won back.

This behavior is typical for phase 1 of dealing with heartbreak. So, in general, caution should be exercised if the relationship is to continue without changes. Finally, something has to change so that the end of the relationship is not just postponed.

With questions like "how do I win my ex back?" it is therefore not only about short-term possibilities of action, but about permanent changes. Otherwise, sooner or later lovesickness will arise again because of an unfulfilling relationship or. Set unfulfillable love.

In addition to general relationship tips such as working on the causes and relationship problems, it is especially important that the two partners work on themselves. Rarely are only the external circumstances of life responsible for a separation.

Be honest with yourself, so that a second attempt works out better. It is now no longer a matter of appearing as great as possible to the other, but also to question whether you can cope with the quirks of your partner. Both of you should think about what contribution each of you can and wants to make to a better success.

If you can’t do it on your own, it is advisable to make an appointment with a therapist or a life counselor, for example. As a result, it may also be better for both of you to end the relationship.

Finally, heartbreak – sayings and quotes that hit the heartbreak well

Quotes or. Sayings are something beautiful to bring things to the point. Here are three heartbreak sayings that I really like:

"What you love, set free. If it comes back, it is yours – forever."(Confucius)

"The sorrow that does not speak gnaws quietly at the heart until it breaks." (William Shakespeare)

"Love is not a solo. Love is a duet. If it fades in one, the song falls silent" (Adelbert von Chamisso)

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