Do questions like these cross your mind from time to time, too:
- What makes me unique?
- What is the way of life that makes me really happy and fulfilled??
- Who am I in the eyes of others?
- What makes my behavior?
- What makes me unique?
- Where do mine lie real Strengths and weaknesses?
If these questions sound familiar to you, then you may feel right here.
Finding oneself is one of the most important processes of a human life. Those who initiate this process experience much more happiness and fulfillment in their lives, can think more positively, have more intense relationships, and have more fun interacting with other people and the outside world.
Self-discovery is the most important prerequisite for self-acceptance, self-love and finding a life path that suits you.
And how exactly you reliably initiate this process, you will learn in this article! By the way, I have also recorded a detailed video on this topic:
Finding oneself is not seldom complicated. Far too often one finds vague, unspecific tips and "esoteric explanations" in corresponding guidebook articles, which only conjure up more question marks in the face of the seeker than before.
I do not believe in this path. I think: At least the start must be pragmatic. So that EVERYONE can find an access.
In this article you will therefore find clear and concrete hints, as well as pragmatic tips (6 tips to be exact), so that you can start this fabulous journey to your own core and a fulfilled life today.
Ok, let’s get started. And as so often in life, we start with the most important foundation up front (which I’m deliberately keeping short because I promised pragmatism and clarity):
Find yourself: Search in the right place!
Why is self-discovery such a big topic nowadays?? Why is it that so many people have such a "unfound" that haunt me in this world?
The answer is banal and obvious:
Nowadays we are neither shown, nor exemplified, how to deal with ourselves. Starting in school, we begin to deal with the most diverse matters. We look outward a lot, but never inward.
In addition, there are simply an infinite number of external temptations and stimuli in the outside world. Wherever you go and whatever you do, we have the opportunity (and are enticed) to cognitively bombard ourselves in 10 different ways everywhere we go.
Be that with music, Whatsapp, Netflix, social media, outdoor advertising, store windows, etc….Our attention is 99% focused on the OUTSIDE. And so in a place where we can’t find one thing:
Ourselves.
If you want to find yourself, you have to be willing to invest time in turning your attention inward. Even though the lure of "external entertainment" is extremely great.
There is no other way. This is the first important learning you should take away at this point.
Ok. Focus attention inwards. sounds fuzzy. What exactly does this mean?
You get a first good idea in tip number 1:
Tip 1 (very important): Deal with your values
Every person has his or her own, very individual Mix of different values and expressions of these values.
What exactly are values? To put it simply, a value is nothing more than something very, very basic that is very important to you. These values are formed in the course of your life through various experiences you have had and the upbringing of your parents. And of course these values can change again over time.
Here are one or two examples of what is a value and what is not:
Is a fancy car a value? –> No!
Your life partner? –> No!
Intimacy, trust, devotion. –> YES!
To give you an idea, here’s a list of various values (which happen to be my Very broadly defined Are personal value mix& ):
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An exercise to first identify your most important values
The internet offers a number of value lists that can help you greatly in the beginning. For example, I can recommend this one.
Take this list of values and see which ones describe you, which ones are important to you, which ones describe your actions, which ones are important to you about other people’s actions, and which ones totally escape you A****.
Write out every value you can identify with!
Once you’ve done that, you’ll find that that’s far too many to do anything tangible with at first. While every value is more or less a part of you. But you want to find out which values are ELEMENTARY for you! So steam up this list and see how many elementary values you can break it down (ca. 5).
For me, it looks something like this:
- Freedom
- Fun
- Mindfulness
- Self-confidence
- Gratitude
You get when painting the "superfluous" Values always get some "feel" pretty quickly as to whether the swipe was right or not. Let your gut feeling guide you when steaming together.
Concrete benefits for you through this exercise:
- You find it MUCH easier to make important (but also unimportant) decisions.
- You get to know yourself better.
- You learn to do what is good for you.
- You can better direct your life in ways that fulfill you and suit you.
It is here not crucial that you find THE 5 values that describe you. In my eyes there are not THE 5 values (they depend on time in life and circumstances and can also change). It’s more about first intuition that you can refine over time and with more and more self-reflection.
This is about having a starting point that sharpens your focus on your values (and therefore your inner self)!
Tip 2: Find out what you really want in life
I know. this sounds like a tip from the category now for a start "easy to say, but hard to do!"
Of course, from the question "What do I want from life?" Basically, again make an incredible high school graduation.
The big question of all questions!
One or the other spends years answering this question to himself in great detail. Years he could have invested in making it happen. Years in which it could have been happier.
But we do it – according to the motto of this article (and generally of this blog) – again a bit more focused and pragmatic.
And that is with this simple exercise:
The perfect day
I would recommend that you take 45 minutes to do this exercise. 45 minutes is a lot to ask, I know. But I remember how this exercise had a big impact on my life and how I redirected my life after it.
That’s why I don’t want you to give away potential here, just to save a few minutes of your time.
Grab pen and paper (or word document and keyboard). Imagine how you will live your absolute dream life in the future. All the wishes, all the dreams, all the needs you have are fulfilled. Now ask yourself the following question:
- "WHAT would the perfect day in this life look like??"
Think a little bit about what elements would probably be important. Color each point of the day! Here are a few questions for creative inspiration:
- In which place are you (which country? Urban or rural? Nature? Building. )
- When do you wake up?
- What do you eat for breakfast and with whom??
- What do you do in the morning and forenoon?
- What do you do the rest of the day?
- What is your evening routine?
- Where does your money come from?
- How much you work?
- What people are in your immediate environment?
- What activities do you do?
- What material value do you have in your life?
- What theoretical options would you need for this day to be perfect (in other words, what things do you not necessarily do, but it’s still important to you that you theoretically COULD do them)?
Write down this perfect day in as much detail as possible!
You will get a pretty good idea in which direction your life should go and what is important to you for your life.
Again, it’s not about seeking out THE ONE day. And it’s not about this day being realistic either.
It’s more about learning more about yourself and your desires and goals in life and understanding a little better what you are actually looking for!
I, for example, thought for a long time in my life: "I need to TRAVEL. I have to explore the world. This is the most important thing for my life."
After doing this exercise, however, I realized:
"It’s not the traveling I really want to do. It’s the freedom to do what I want and not necessarily be tied down to one place."
I found with this exercise that I need close and good friends around me. I have found that my perfect day could never happen without rollicking fun and could never happen with low self-esteem or weak self-love.
And lo and behold, when I look at my important values in life, there is a lot of overlap! This is absolutely amazing.
Tip 3: Finding yourself also means to take the RIGHT to trust yourself.
What exactly does this headline mean?
Many people who have not found themselves place little value on their own opinion. And they take the opinion of others extremely to heart or value them as very important gauges. In this process, your own opinion, conviction and attitude are devalued, respectively. not really perceived.
This is not only terrible for your self-esteem, but it also keeps you at a distance from your true core.
Just allow yourself to ask yourself in every possible situation in the near future:
- What do I actually want?
- What do I actually think about it?
- How do I assess this situation?
- Why am I doing what I am doing?
And then take the right to make your opinion, attitude and conviction the most important one, to trust it and act on it.
In this way you learn to feel your own opinion, your attitude and your values first of all in everyday life, and to accept them in a second step.
And you notice how you differ from other people on this subtle, basic level of attitudes and values (and of course this is not negative, but super positive and quite normal).
Tip 4: Make dates with yourself
Find at least 2 times a week (or more) where you spend time with yourself without scruples.
And by unscrupulous, I mean without any distractions or major cognitive demands. No music, no cell phone, no laptop, no friends, no social media. Only YOU and your inner life.
You don’t have to sit motionless in an empty room and stare at the wall. Only you should have enough attention left for yourself, your body and your thoughts.
Suggestions for the first date with yourself:
- Cook yourself your favorite dish (even if it takes a long time).
- Take a walk through the park/forest/nature.
- Go eat alone.
Observe how you feel with yourself. Hold the feelings and thoughts inside you and look closely at what arises in you.
Take on an attitude towards yourself as if you were a person you just met and are very interested in.
Important: Just chill. Don’t force yourself to ask any deep questions or to do "anything". Just be still and passive and see what happens to you and your thoughts. The more relaxed you are, the better.
Also, try to actively value and enjoy this time with yourself. This "Alone-Time is something that only very few people really allow themselves these days.
Finding yourself Tip 5: Mindfulness or (self-)awareness
Important, important, important point!
As you stroll through everyday life, it is always insanely profitable to keep your focus inward. Not only outwardly.
Now you might be saying:
"Pah. I often have the focus inward more than I would like to! I am constantly thinking about all kinds of things and worrying about them!"
No. Mindfulness and focus inward means not "overthinking" every little thing.
First and foremost, it means first:
- What kind of thoughts come up in me at all? Where do they come from?
- What kind of feelings do I actually feel?
- How am I doing right now? How is my mood?
The second step is to simply take in this "information" in a non-judgmental way. It is about not judging your thoughts and feelings. This is important.
Over time, you’ll find that you have certain thought patterns. That you have certain feelings inside you that are increasing. And you will find that certain activities do you good and give you energy, while others do you less good and drain your energy.
Over time, you’ll learn more and more about yourself:
- "Oops, why is it that I always feel a little anxious when it comes to this or that topic??"
- "This one activity always makes me feel a little uncomfortable/upset/insecure ect. "
- "In this other activity I always feel somehow strong/good mood/motivated/confident ect. "
- "Oops, in general my thought patterns like to drift into the negative!"
If you recognize such schemes, then you have the indescribably valuable opportunity to penetrate deeper into yourself and to understand and get to know yourself better!
In conclusion to this point:
Because you will not succeed in integrating mindfulness, as I have just described it, into your everyday life without further ado, there is meditation.
When you meditate, you learn to be mindful and to take this mindfulness more and more into your everyday life.
Meditation is nothing else but a value-neutral, light focus inwardly. Nothing more than observing the thoughts and feelings that arise in you at that moment.