Every relationship is an ever-changing process, slower in one partnership and faster in another. Nevertheless, every love affair goes through the same five phases – as long as it lasts.
The well-known couple therapist Roland Weberhas divided the various change processes of a partnership into five relationship phases. Whether we are poor or rich, famous or unknown, every love goes through these five phases of relationship. The first two phases are probably familiar to most people, but even if you have already experienced all five relationship phases, that doesn’t mean you have to change your partner. have found the partner for life. Unfortunately, we only know after the fifth relationship phase whether we have found our soul mate in our partner, with whom we want to go through thick and thin forever.
Probably the biggest mistake is to believe that the first phase of infatuation will last forever. The second biggest mistake is to believe that after the feeling of being in love, the love will be weaker or even disappear. Not without reason one distinguishes between infatuation and love. With each subsequent phase, love becomes more intense and reaches a new and more intimate level. It should be said that none of the relationship phases can be skipped. Every love goes through exactly these five phases in exactly this order.
1. The infatuation phase
The first phase of every love is the infatuation phase. In this phase we wear the so-called rose-colored glasses, have butterflies in the stomach and float on cloud nine. Our partner or. our partner seems to us in this phase almost perfect and we do not recognize any shadow sides at it and/or. to him. We are so to speak blind before love. We can hardly wait for the next meeting and surprise our partner again and again with small gifts and attentions.
This phase is very decisive for the later stability of the partnership, because here the couple grows together.
The infatuation phase is after approx. three to 18 months over – and with it often also the partnership. Many people drop out at this point without ever realizing what the true qualities of the relationship would have been.
It’s understandable to be irritated and unsettled when the butterflies in your stomach suddenly disappear, but that’s the moment you shouldn’t be deterred by. Because at the end of the road there could be a wonderful and deep love relationship.
2. the feeling of being in love disappears
In the second phase of a relationship, we take off our rose-colored glasses and suddenly see characteristics and behavioral patterns that we previously had in our partner. have not perceived our partner. In this phase we take a closer look at our partner and discover more and more characteristics that we do not like.
As soon as the feeling of being in love disappears, we recognize more and more differences between us and our partner. We ask ourselves how we could have been so mistaken. At this moment we still see what connects us, but also what separates us. Criticism is easy to give in this phase and is also given generously and gladly.
In this phase most couples break up. This is a pity, because you only know after three or four years whether you are really a good match.
The relationship can now only last if both realize and accept that the butterflies in the stomach will never exist again. We often believe that love is over now, but the opposite is true: only when the infatuation phase is over, true love begins. The reason for this is that we only now begin to see our partner as he really is. Since we are also not free of faults and quirks, the task now is to be able to compromise and accept our partner as he is.
3. Opposites are fought
The third phase of relationship is not better than the second one. Both consider whether a separation might not be the best thing to do. You keep getting caught up in power struggles, turf wars, and competitive battles. Neither wants to back down and each wants to have the last word in this phase.
In the beginning we were sure to have found the right partner for life, but now we are sure to have found the wrong partner this time.
At the end of this relationship phase, however, something wonderful and elementarily important for the future relationship awaits both of us: Both of us can accept the partner as he or she is. Not only with his strengths – also with his weaknesses.
4. The I, You and We
By the fourth phase of the relationship, at the latest, you know exactly what the other person is like and what makes them tick. The power struggles are over and you now use your energy for your own personality development.
In this phase of the relationship we see ourselves as a couple, but we also try to find enough space for ourselves without losing sight of the cohesion. It is not always easy to find the right balance. You now try to find a balance between the "I", "you" and "we".
In this phase of the relationship the interest in the partner grows again and one gets to know many sides of the other person anew. Here one also promotes the self-development of the partner – he is independent, but still belongs to me.
5. You are my home
This phase, the fifth and last phase of love, is the most beautiful, deepest and most intimate phase of a relationship. Whoever arrives here can speak of true love without masks, projections and deceptions. Unfortunately, this beautiful phase is reached less and less often today. More and more often, couples break up in the first three phases of a relationship because they lack understanding and acceptance.
At this stage the relationship has already gone through all the ups and downs. Many things have happened that have bonded you together. One has not only learned the strengths and weaknesses of the partner, but also knows how to deal with them properly. You feel at home with your partner.
Now that all the fights are over, the partnership can increasingly come out into the open. For example, you work together for things, find new common goals and give the partnership a deeper meaning. From now on the partnership is formed by individual rules.