I have made a life for myself as a Single woman in 2009 self-selected, wait not to the right guy and I also did not just resign.
The fact is simply do not NEED a man and never actually needed one. And I use this word on purpose.
Maybe you’re thinking to yourself now: Another one of those who says she doesn’t need a man, but secretly Longing for Prince Charming. Some things will seem clearer to you after reading this post. And if not, it is also okay.
I will not write the hundredth list why life as a single woman better than to have a partnership. It would be just as bad if a parent wrote about how it is better to have a son than a daughter.
It’s not about which concept of life is better or worse.
It’s about one concept of life being equal to another. If you are self-selected have and you no pressure of suffering feel.
I want to give you some insight as to why Not the one person I need in my life, the all my needs fulfilled. Because my needs several people to be fulfilled.
I am not alone in being single
Sinah, who no longer wants to hear, to finally find a partner should.
Aleksandra wondering why Singlestatus always loneliness must mean.
Paula, whom people assume to be the Single life is boring or even dangerous!
As a single woman you often have to justify yourself
Funny that Life concept single woman is so exciting for other people. Because it’s just still " is strange, as a woman alone to be.
And remarkably, we single women have found ourselves so many thoughts about this topic (have to make).
I sometimes feel as if the person I’m talking to is responding to the Disclosure wait, that I am deeply sad, because I don’t have a boyfriend (yet).
Or I meet people who assure me that they the right one will come along would. they almost have tears in their eyes out of pity.
or men who ask why a woman like me has no boyfriend or man.
What is a "woman like me"??
My brother caused laughter at a family party when he said: "Yeah well, now she’s acting so cool. And how she would then be absorbed in it, When they cook and clean for you can." In such situations – even if I laughed along and didn’t want to be a killjoy – I become painfully aware: Even close people believe that they know me better than I know myself. Because I should lead my life as the social order demands and every deviation of it incomprehensible and irritating is.
I want to be understood properly. The decision to live as a single woman is a individual decision. By this I mean that it is not generally the case that a woman does not "need" a man. Born family women will not be able to imagine a life without a man and children. If such women can’t fulfill their dream, they will missing something. Or they will have to arrange well in case of non-fulfillment.
Every woman needs a man after all. That has always been the case.
That it more and more singles exists, I think, is not because people have changed. But rather Circumstances. I think that there have always been people who emotionally no partnership needed. And that it was simply necessary for the upbringing of the offspring.
Had I been in these earlier times grown up, of course I would have needed a partner. It could also have no discussion given whether I want husband and children. I would have gotten pregnant and finally succumbed to it all.
And yes – maybe I would have liked the life as a wife and mother too!
Today I have The choice. And do not want to actively choose. Neither for a partner or a man, nor for a family.
I need of course, like all other people in the world, love, attention, mental and physical closeness and tenderness.
I just do not need the one man for all that.
Everything is simply nicer in twos!
For many people it is the. Not for me.
As a single woman I am often asked if I do not have a lot of friends prefer to watch television as a couple wants. Or if I am not lonely in bed at night and long for someone.
Watching TV is about the very last thing I want to do as a couple, and I enjoy the time alone on the couch unbelievable.
When I come home from a busy day to my apartment – my sanctuary, my nest, my oasis – I just want to be my peace. The idea of someone waiting for me or coming home after me and wanting something from me is really bad.
And yes, the bed. A chapter that must also be considered.
single woman and sex
There are different ways to approach the topic as a single woman.
The guarantee of sex is at least for me no reason, to enter into a relationship. I know couples who celebrate Christmas and Easter more often in a year than they sleep together.
One Night Stands are rather for the time, when one is still young or much in the night life on the way, I would say. Or both. And work wonderfully in conjunction with alcohol. But in my experience you are not really fulfilling.
I prefer mainly Abstinence. Or variations where you getting to know each other and building trust can. friendship plus, romances and what they are all called.
(For more courageous and open women: In this article you will find the best tips for casual dating as a woman – that is, for when you times uncomplicated fun would like to have.)
Permanent singles are incapable of relationships
That may be. I am of the opinion that you can already a certain type of person must be, in order to be able to lead a "successful" single life. Rather solitary. This may not be true for the general public, but on me it is true.
For that I am introvert and shy. (My favorite and heart people probably fall laughing from the chair at these statements right now.) Whether these features contribute to relationship inability, I don’t know.
But I also do not care. For me life feels without romantic partnership good at. Platonic, long-term relationships I have enough, which shows me that I’m not basically commitment-phobic.
Women no longer want a partner because they have been disappointed
I like men very much and have, I think, no trust problems or fear of commitment, as is often assumed of a single woman.
I would like to mention this point anyway not completely exclude. I’m sure there are some women who have been so hurt by a man that they don’t even want a partner anymore.
I was from my 16. up to my 25. almost universally in relationships, and by the great love about nice to toxic everything was there. Really disappointed I felt, except for the first heartbreak at 20. Sure I had enough of men after that. But also the worst heartbreak passes sometime.
The main reason I stopped partnering at some point was because they just made me feel not fulfilled. And that I constantly longed for freedom and a relationship was rather "practical" and socially necessary.
love and closeness
Where do you get Love, if you don’t have a partner?
For me love is much more than just thing between man and woman.
Also Singles can love feeling. I feel pure love when I can dive into a deep conversation with favorite people. When I cuddle with my cat. In my childhood home I am. I am filled with love and power, when I am in beautiful places in nature. At my favorite creek for example, where we shot the pictures for my blog or somewhere that is quite quiet and green is.
Love is therefore not something for me, what another person actively gives me, by telling me that he loves me. Too often these words are also spoken carelessly and do not come from the heart. Love is not for me Storyline.
Love is a feeling and love does not consist of empty phrases. It is for me State, In which I am completely fulfilled, just doing something or just being allowed to be.
If you understand this, you will never feel unloved again.
The romantic love
Of course it happens that I fall in love, although extremely rarely.
In recent years were the feelings but never so strong or the man special enough, that I can use my Gave up single life would have.
It is roughly comparable to this scenario: Imagine you are in a happy relationship and love your partner. Then you fall a little bit in love with another one.
Would you break up with your partner now?
In my case my most important partnership the relationship to myself. I am true to myself and pay attention to what makes me feel good and that I am happy. And with all that it is also important to me to be free. So why give that up for a flash in the pan?
The Romance I do not need so much. Cuddle music I find cheesy and marriage proposals in public embarrassing. Sunsets Enjoy I very much like to be alone.
(Edit in 2021: That I don’t like romance in general, I wouldn’t sign like that anymore today.)
The subject of children
People are often very affected when they hear that a woman does not want children.
Children are for me in any case an argument, a partnership to enter. When I was a kid I thought I’d be a mom one day. At 16 I thought I would have children by the time I was 25.
Today I am 34 (as of 2016) and I still have no desire to have children. i also don’t hear my inner clock ticking.
What would be for me now Solution? Have a child anyway and then hope that motherhood will automatically make me happy?
One social mission fulfill? I do not want that. Then I’d rather fight so that other women who are absorbed in motherhood have better conditions and can have more children if they want to.
Men and flirting
I like to talk to Men, I am like with men and I also like to flirt with them.
Suitable for this dating apps or just get away best. Everything is in here, from a little flirting to deep conversations. All these forms and the Exchange with men I enjoy very much.
A partnership – ruled out forever?
I am always open for people, enrich my life.
It is not excluded, that I would ever decide for a person and a partnership, if he could make my life even more beautiful.
It is only just absolutely unthinkable, That one person can do this for a longer period of time and I give up my freedoms to do so.
Precisely because at the moment I have everything I want, need and am very happy all around.
Whether I want to be alone in my old age?
For many it is the horror scenario par excellence.
A small cottage in the country, a few Animals.
A Garden.
Not caring about what people say and a bit of an oddball its.
At Retirement in a rocking chair sitting, reading, with one of the cats on my lap.
If I had think this picture, I am blessed.
End up as a crazy old cat lady.
My Life dream that comes very, very close.
Edit in August 2019
Thank you very much for all your reactions and comments!
I never dreamed what this post reaches has. He has landed at Edition F and there he will be shared again and again, it is often commented on and occasionally I still receive emails from women who are in a similar situation are or who is interested in my current status.
To fall immediately with the door into the house: I am still Single woman and enjoy my life to the fullest. Edit January 2019 self-employed as a blog coach made and since then even less time resp. energy for love and romance.
When I lived in the spring 2019 had a herniated disc and was out of action for several months and very helplessly was, I thought how practical it would be to have a relationship and a man who supports. After I was fit again, these thoughts were also again in the background.
Do I really want to stay single forever?
My answer to this, from today’s perspective, is that my life is currently beautiful and mostly fulfilling. I’m not planning a partnership, but I’m not ruling anything out either.
Three, four years ago, would be a firm commitment to a man completely impossible been for me. In the meantime, however, I have met many people again, with different relationship concepts. Starting with long-distance relationships to separate apartments or bedrooms.
If someone enters my life, without whom I no longer want to live, I will see to it further. I do not close myself off. Perhaps also several people into my life – no one knows. & What I know: it would probably not be a conventional relationship.
I bind my relationship status no one on the nose and do not peddle my concept. Also I practice no criticism of other concepts.
It is only important to me that left in peace to become. And it doesn’t affect me if others can’t relate to this lifestyle, as long as it’s feels right to me.
My journey to myself
To find myself and to find out what I want, has many long years lasted. I started when I was about 25 years old, me with my personality to deal with it and work on myself. To make friends with me. That was about the time I ended my last relationship.
In the end, this also helped me to stand by my concept of life and to be able to write about it so openly.
I thank you each and every one of you for all your reactions and comments, for every share and like, for every single word.
Literature tips for those interested
My first book that came close to this topic was "Yoga. Power to the soul "*. My mom gave it to me around my 20. Birthday, when I was very bad (first heartbreak!). I read it many years later. One chapter says, mutatis mutandis, that you are not what others see or attribute to you. This was very eye-opening for me and I think it was the beginning of the journey of discovery to myself.
What also helped me was feminism. It helped me to be free and to develop the absolute certainty that even as a woman alone I have a high value in society. Feminism has enabled me personally to break out of rigid role models.
I have read many other partly spiritual books that have helped me to develop my current steadfastness and strength and I would like to mention some of them here, because I think they might help one or the other of you as well.
Note for comments: This is my personal story about my concept of life. I look forward to an exchange in the comments.
Comments relevant to the topic are very welcome. Comments that deal with another topic or violate my values (politeness, respect) will not be released and will be deleted.