8. January 2020: It’s back again. For the second time. I bleed. My menstruation is back. Again and again I repeat these words to myself, while my gaze becomes more and more glassy. It is as if I have to confirm to myself again and again that the blood I have just seen flowing into the toilet bowl is really my own. The tears just streaming down my cheeks. I fall to my knees and clasp my hands in front of my heart. One Mixture of joy and infinite relief breaks out of me. Only now I realize what all has accumulated in me. The huge rock of fear, repression, and doubt that has been growing bigger and heavier on my shoulder, unbidden, for the past 2.5 years is crumbling. It literally collapses, I feel with every breath again lighter and perfect. I am me again. And I have it back, my period.
My most difficult balancing act so far
It was a long and hard way up to here. And until a few weeks ago, I didn’t know how much longer it would be. It took more than two years, Until I started bleeding again after stopping my pill in October 2017 (I had been taking it for almost 8 years). During this time I have from the beginning publicly Shared on my blog and Instagram what happens to me and my body – or does not happen. I was terrified to see, How many young women share my fate, How many out there are going through exactly the same thing as me. The gave me strength and drive, not to fall silent, further to break with the taboo. And yet there were also negative voices, which, despite all encouragement, could not be denied, let alone ignored. From women who were just waiting for me to start my Expose weakness would. The comments, private messages and mails hit me right in the heart. They frightened me, made me doubt, unsettled me.
"Can it be that you are malnourished? You look so unhealthily thin, almost anorexic. Of course the bleeding stops."
"It’s because of veganism. Two months of meat and milk and you would be healthy again. Then you wouldn’t look so skinny and old either."
"You have to stop exercising, you’re overdoing it. This is not good for you. And eating more wouldn’t hurt either. But you will delete my comment anyway. It’s your own fault!"
These are just three of many more comments I had to read under my posting. I would be lying if I said this didn’t hit me. But I had a strong will and didn’t let myself be distracted from my path and my very own truth dissuade.
All or nothing: me, the extremes
In the first few months of not getting my period, I stressed myself out so much internally that I guess I got even more tense. The whole first year I spent with it, my suppressing amenorrhea, Silencing them to death and waving them off whenever a friend tried to call me on it. However, most people around me didn’t even know about it in the first place. Also Chris I could not tell how I really felt. Probably because I myself did not know how much it really bothered me. This Displacement fight – I say today looking back – Was the worst poison of all. Because it gave me not only the amenorrhea, but also a Denying part of myself have.
This was followed by a phase that corresponded to the pure opposite of repression. I read ALL the articles, books and blogs on the subject of missing periods that are on the market. And when I say all, I mean all. I really got into it. so deep that at some point – due to the flow of information – I was again just as Emptiness and despair felt like at that time, when I simply tried to repress.
Funny enough, those two extremes are exactly reflective of part of who I am. Because I tend to do everything completely or not at all. I don’t know 80%, either full speed ahead with 150% – or not at all. That’s the way it’s always been. Already in school, I chose the subjects that interested me, convinced there with above-average – even extraordinary – performances, and neglected the remaining lessons, in my case mathematics, chemistry and physics, so much that I did not even attend them anymore.
This pattern continues through my life. If I want, then I have incredibly Bite and perseverance. I know no breaks, no doubts. So I can do my thing, no matter what others say. And that whatever I tackle, it succeeds and leads to success. For example, it was with my blog and my self-employment. Every day I put in hours and hours, even though I was a 100% student on the side. The Shadow side of it all? If something doesn’t interest me, I fully accept that and don’t have the slightest ambition to acquire knowledge about it. So during my time as a student I shone more with my absence in many subjects.
Why I am telling you this? Because Amenorrhea taught to a certain extent has also increased Seeking balance – and finding it. A little less full throttle in everything I do with all my heart. And a little more effort on things that are less appealing to me. Especially in the last year – 2019 – I focused on making fewer demands on myself, less perfectionism I had to start thinking about myself and the moment, and more often accept what is right now.
What really helped me in the end
Before we get to all the things that have helped me get my period back, I have to send something up front. Namely that it is No universal solution gives. From my own experience I know only too well that one is tempted to cling to every tip, even the smallest one. always hoping that this would be the change that would finally lead to success – in this case to the triggering of a hemorrhage.
When it comes to a woman’s cycle, there is no patent solution. There is no miracle cure, no manual and certainly no rules. We all have different backgrounds, live in different bodies, think differently and have had different experiences. Numerous books and blog posts on the same topic would contradict me on that one. Because of course it is easier and in a way more tempting to be able to present a "solution" to other women. But I can’t and I don’t want to. Also for the reason that this "I’ll give you advice that will help" got on my nerves so much that I didn’t want to receive any more of it. But what I can and would like to do is to give you a hand on what has helped ME. In the hope that you take with you on your way what is true for YOU too. But that is just as important as knowing what does not apply to you.
1) Yoga – not just on the mat
In yoga I found what was always hardest for me: relaxation and calmness. Just a year ago I could hardly switch off, put my phone away or just be with myself and in the moment in my thoughts. However, since I started practicing yoga regularly in January 2019, it has totally changed. By that I don’t just mean 1-2 times a week for one hour really practice yoga on the mat. Because yoga – as my dear friend Annelina always says – takes place always and everywhere. How right she is. I am now able to stop again and again in my hectic everyday life, to take a good deep breath and to shift down a gear. Alone the right breathing has changed so much in me. Sometimes it really is the little things that have a really big effect.
I also believe that yoga will make me more connected with my femininity has. In many things I am rather "manly": I am very determined, love enduring sports and am always striving to perfect everything and to become even better. That is of course not wrong. But it even scared me at times, to show weakness, to trust, to let go – how should this please go without me losing everything?
2) Courage of femininity
Connect with your femininity: This sounds totally esoteric and theoretical. I can tell you, both are not true at all. So here are a few tips that have helped me:
I have learned, To give me the full attention, when I look in the mirror. Instead of always looking at what you don’t like, I’ve started focusing on the things I do like about myself. I cream myself consciously with valuable oils massaged them in lovingly. Loving is a good keyword anyway: I look much better today at what I need and am in the moment less strict and unyielding with me. Also I learned to say no. Loving and yet very determined.
By the way, I’m also practicing just letting my day come to me and no longer being disappointed in myself when I’ve neither Not working off the to-do list can. Maybe someday I’ll even manage to write none at all. Sure it’s great to be organized – but just not when perfectionism takes over. I generally question a lot of what I have been eating for a very long time like a slave of my self worked off every day. I wonder who really asked me to do that?. With the realization that this was me. And only me.
3) More healthy fats
The Nutrition has a big influence to the extremely sensitive menstrual cycle of a woman. To get your period back it is important to give your body all the nutrients it needs. And here applies: Better too much than too little. This includes lots of healthy fats, carbohydrates and phytoestrogens, which are foods that contain plant estrogen (here written about this before, with a list of foods).
To get it out of the way: I have neither eaten more nor gained weight, to get my period again. It may be necessary sometimes. Especially if one suffers from an eating disorder, eats too little or is not balanced. I have also often been told that I should just gain gain 5-10kg and everything would normalize. It was always very hurtful. Mainly because it came from people who did not know me and my diet. During this time I was totally grateful for Chris, who assured me to have a normal eating behavior (after all, we live and eat together).
But for me, about 9 months ago I started to tweak my diet a bit here and there after all. In my case, this means above all: More fats. Why I had so decided, I can not tell you so exactly. Somehow I just learned to listen to myself and listen to my body. In general, I now eat very intuitively. I eat what I feel like and as often and as much as I want. This doesn’t mean eating pizza 7 times a week. But it that is, to treat yourself to a pizza when you feel like it.
My favorite sources of fat that I eat every day:
- Nut puree(almond, peanut, cashew, tahini): I prefer to make the nut puree directly into the smoothie and additionally again as a topping on top of it. Because I eat every day a Smoothie Bowl, come there already surely 2 tablespoons nut puree with on the food plan. In addition, I also use nut puree to refine sauces, for curries, salads, etc. Do not be afraid of these healthy fats, they are not only delicious, but also essential for us women.
- Cold Pressed Oils: I take every day either 1 tablespoon linseed oil or 1 tablespoon algae oil to me. So I am always supplied with the so important omega-3 fatty acids.
- Seeds and seeds: For a year now, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds and hemp seeds have been part of my daily diet. I eat 1 tablespoon of each. And when I say daily, I mean it (fits perfectly as a topping for sweet and savory foods).
4) End unhealthy relationships
What do the people around me have to do with my hormones?? Quite a lot. Because unhealthy relationships logically have great influence on our psyche and thus also on our body. In the last two years, I have found out for myself who is really good for me and who is bad for me only drains energy. This is not always easy, because it also means parting with people who were (supposedly) very important to you. But in the end it feels liberating and good.
And: You don’t have to completely detach yourself from all people directly, often it is enough to have a little more distance. Sometimes it is also enough to work through difficult relationships for yourself. Be it alone or in psychological care.
5) Less stress, more time out
I have already addressed this point several times in this blogpost. I think that really the key is and probably the most important and at the same time most difficult change is passed through. Or still do. Because in a way we are all downright addicted to stress. In our society, those who are stressed are considered to be especially important and hardworking. But it should be the other way round. We must stop just glorifying a full daily schedule. It’s no reason to be proud if you don’t have time. That’s why: More time out, more rest, more me-time.
6) Changed workout routine
Just as with nutrition, I have received an incredible number of messages regarding sports from people who thought they knew what was good for me. I should strive in addition to a weight gain also, no more sports at all to do. I knew for me from the beginning that this would be out of the question. Instead, I considered my Change your sports routine could be. Because it’s clear Too much sport can put additional stress on the body.
So I sat down and noted how much exercise I actually do and what. And then considers what of it might stress me – or my body. The bottom line is that HIIT – High Intensity Interval Training – completely out of my life (yes yes, that all or nothing effect again). I have maintained my running workload, which I have even increased in recent months because I enjoy it so much (I currently run an easy 30km a week). Newly added Yoga, Pilates and Barre than calmer sports that are based more on strength than endurance. This is how I found the ideal mix for me.
My deal with myself: At least 2x a week I consciously take a break from sports. On these days I neither go running nor do yoga.
7) Important supplements and dietary supplements
No matter if vegan or not: there are some essential nutrients that we can’t get or too little only from our food. In the following I present you the most important vitamins, which I take:
- Vitamin D3: I have increased the daily dose of vitamin D by a triple increase. Especially in the winter months we get too little of it because of the missing sun. Already knew? Vitamin D is a steroid, i.e. a hormone. Especially in women, the vitamin D also influences in the blood values the Hormones progesterone and estrogen. If this vitamin is missing in the female body, the content of testosterone increases.
- Vitamin B12: I have been supplementing B12 for only about 3 years and admittedly – for a long time I did not do it regularly. For a little more than a year, however, I dutifully take my drops or use my spray every day.
- Iron and magnesium: Not daily but at irregular intervals, I also started taking iron and magnesium.
- Monk’s pepper: Monk’s pepper also supports the female cycle. I didn’t take it every day though, so I can’t say how much that helped. However, many women swear by it.
What I have not changed
In addition to these smaller and larger things I’ve changed, there are also routines and habits that I’ve maintained. Among them, there are also points that are often chalked up when it comes to getting your period back.
1) Intermittent fasting
Very controversial is practicing interval fasting. Some books and blogs say that fasting is not healthy for the female cycle and body. Petra Bracht, Who I love to watch on YouTube and read her books, says exactly the opposite. I’m still a big fan of it too, and I just feel best when I do it between dinner and breakfast for 14 hours or more I do not eat. I have always done it (even as a child) and I just can’t manage to eat something first thing in the morning. Not only that I feel tired, drained and listless afterwards. The food is then also like a stone in my stomach.
It is important for me to say here that IF no compulsion should be. I don’t look at the clock and think: oh, now I have to hold out for one more hour. No, I am very relaxed about it. I just eat when I feel like it. It doesn’t matter if that’s 9 a.m. or not until 1 p.m. at noon. It’s all very intuitive and works well for me (disclaimer: this may be different if you have an eating disorder or don’t have a healthy relationship with food). You do you, I do me.
2) My sports workload
As described above, I have changed my exercise routine, but not the workload itself. I am and always will be an exercise person and love to be active in sports. It is important to really Strictly adhere to breaks and also to allow yourself the rest – and to enjoy this just as much as the activity.
3) My weight
I have always weighed about the same for years (with a height of 176cm pretty much 58 kilograms). Approximately I say, because I do not know that at all exactly. I have namely no scales at home and so I only put myself on it when I am at my gynecologist 1x a year. In general, I think we pay way too much attention to this number. For years I too was afraid to say publicly how heavy I actually am. Because I always heard the critical voices right away: Ah, THAT’S why you don’t get my period. Ah, THERE you are so and so. Oh, you are underweight with it. You know what? I even Trying to gain weight frantically and overeat myself, because this made me feel so insecure. From this I had indigestion for weeks, zero energy and felt sick all the time. Just leave it.
Especially Women just like to compare themselves. We are all built differently, have thicker or finer limbs and bones, more or less muscles. The Genetics plays an even bigger role than our diet and exercise. Therefore: Just leave it. Don’t tell anyone that he/she is too fat, too thin, or "just right". All this does not exist. The main thing is to be healthy, really.
Disclaimer: Many women find that gaining a little weight helps them regain their period. That makes perfect sense if you a) always ate too little or b) paid scrupulous attention to what you are. Here a few questions that you can answer for yourselves, If you’re not sure if it could also be due to weight:
- I have lost weight? How did I look before?
- I eat less than I used to? Do I have a relaxed relationship with food?
- I think about food all the time? It determines my everyday life?
- I have a guilty conscience when I eat something "unhealthy?
- Do I pay scrupulous attention to how many calories I eat??
If you answer some of the above questions with a yes, then it could well be that you have a disturbed eating behavior and/or eat too little or simply "too healthy". In this case, I recommend that you seek professional help and consider therapy – for the sake of your health.
How did I notice that I was getting my period??
Before I got my first bleed, I felt some changes in my body. I have, for example, total pain in the nipples, for about five days. In addition, I received a lot of sentimental and took a lot of things (even) more to heart than I usually do.
I also had this typical Pulling in my lower leaves and a tingling in my belly, like I am totally nervous and excited. Also mine skin had the one or other outbreak, although I really haven’t had a single pimple for years.
Why did I stop my therapy?
Last summer and hormone update I told you that I had a Naturopathic practice I would like to go to the clinic to work with bioidentical hormones. But in fact I only went there once. But not because I thought it wouldn’t do any good. I… how do I put this… just had the feeling that the not my way is. I was given many different globules, but when I got home I didn’t even take them for a week. It just didn’t feel right.
Nevertheless, I am glad to have made the first appointment. Because I had a wonderful conversation with the therapist. She didn’t state, she asked much more. And through her questions I could suddenly give myself a lot of answers. I kind of realized at that moment what my problem really was. And although I was aware that the Psyche directly connected to our body the conversation was a real eye-opener for me. I can still remember storming out of the office full of courage and confidence and somehow feeling that everything was going to be okay now.
This may not be understandable as an outsider but I firmly believe that this conversation was necessary for my healing conversation was necessary for my healing. And it shows once again how careful we should be with what we say. Because just as words can be curable, they can also cause mischief.
Where do we go from here??
I know that many of you out there are also struggling with cycle problems. You need to know: You are not alone. And just because I have my menstruation again, the topic is not off the table for me and this channel. On the contrary: looking back, I am almost grateful that amenorrhea gave me the opportunity to deal so intensively with the female cycle. I can tell you: Hormones are so incredibly exciting!
So for the future I plan to continue to take you along my way as I have done so far. I also want to talk about Zero Waste period talk and talk about how hormone-free contraception actually works. Do you have other topics that interest you? Then feel free to let me know in the comments know.
Thank you for accompanying me on my way.
I gladly share here again all Articles about hormones :