When was the last time you told someone you loved them??
Saying I love you is amazingly difficult for us for some reason and therefore we say it far too rarely. Not only to our partner, but also to our children.
In our house, "I love you" was rarely said. That does not mean that I did not have a loving childhood – it was just not talked about. Maybe that’s why these three little words are so important to me and come up a lot in my interactions with my family.
This article is about saying "I love you", what it does to kids, when and how to say it, and why an "I love you" doesn’t count in my eyes.
Listen to it as a podcast
An I love you is the greatest thing for children
We adults are sometimes really pitiful creatures. We have completely lost touch with ourselves and our feelings. They’ve been rusty, trained away or locked away.
When we were children we carried joy, sorrow, love and hate on our tongues. I remember that I sometimes had the feeling that I could burst with joy and as a child I ran through the house cheering. If you rewind a bit, I’m sure you’ll be able to recall similar feeling moments.
But because today we are detached from our feelings work, we find it difficult to talk about it. Of course we love our children. But why do we not tell you?
Maybe you say – "my children know that I love them even without words".
Lame excuse or is there something to it??
I hope there is something to that but is that the point?
Basically children know it, because hopefully they spray it. But children, like all people, have periods when they are insecure. As in every interpersonal relationship there are ups and downs. Along these ups and downs come questions about whether this primal trust that they are truly loved is still right.
A I love you at the right time creates certainty and strengthens the armor against doubt.
Even if you think your kids know you love them – say it anyway. Perhaps you blur small, germinating doubts. Maybe you are just stating the obvious.
My memory of the moments when my mother would take me in her arms and tell me she loved me is great. I always felt better and stronger afterwards. I have to limit it a bit: I found it great for a while. From 12/13 I found it terribly embarrassing.
But deep down, it has always done something positive to me.
I love you vs. I love you
"I tell my kids that I love them." Somehow it seems I love you, easier to pass our lips. It also sounds good. But does it say the same thing?
Yes, "I love you" is a big deal. Why else do you think many find it hard to say it?. That’s probably where the idea of developing different classes of expressions of love comes from. The I love you stays for the partner, the rest gets a – I love you.
And that already answers the question if I love you that is the same as I love you. Obviously not.
I love you can apply to actually everything and everyone. I love my dog and I also loved the old retired couple that lived next door for a long time. But this does not come close to what I feel for my family.
But why discuss which is stronger – I love you or I love you??
Because misunderstandings and hurt feelings can quickly arise. When my now wife and I got together, it was I who said it first "I love you" said. We have been in a long distance relationship for over 6 months and have only seen each other on weekends. On the phone at some point it came over me and I had to get it off my chest.
As an answer I have "I love you too" get.
There I had taken all courage together and revealed my love and I get a "love you" in return. Like a soggy, wet handshake.
For a week I was totally insecure.
At the next meeting it turned out that she was with i love you the same as I meant with I love you.
Maybe it’s splitting hairs and in the end you have to find for yourself what suits you. For me, love for my children is on the same level as love for my wife – why should I use a different vocabulary?
That was quite a lot of emotion but this article has been close to my heart for a long time now. Therefore I am also very curious about your feedback.
How do you feel about "I love you"?
I am happy if you leave me a comment.
Do you already follow me by eMail?
If you Topics around the Father Life interested, then follow my Newsletter.
I Browse To you about 100 websites& Blogs and send you 1x a month an email with the most interesting content. More to it