As Child and youth, it is quite easy for most people to meet other people. The Friends fly one almost automatically to. School doesn’t just help teach life skills. Above all, it presents us with real social challenges for the first time, throwing us into a classroom with various other people for several years in a. The advantage of this is that you almost automatically friendships.
As you get older, however, such opportunities become rarer and rarer. To find friends even as an adult, therefore, is more proactivity more in demand than in childhood. We’ll show you what you can do to make new friends.
How to make friends ► Places and opportunities ► Turning strangers into friends ► What are real friends?? ► Download, Survey .
Content: Find friends
1. What are friends?
Even the philosophers of antiquity, such as Aristotle and Cicero, struggled to find a good definition for friendship.
Aristotle sees in this a necessary for the community, independent social relationship Between two people. He cites the following as particular influencing factors:
- The two people resemble Each other very much (equality of the parties involved)
- They are about the same Age
- They are in common grown up
In addition, he noted that friendships are primarily formed for three different reasons:
- Either someone is expecting a Benefit From this,
- friendship promises a Gaining pleasure or
- it is entered into for the sake of being (i.e., in simplified terms, simply because the other person gives one sympathetic appears).
It must be mentioned, however, that the ancient Greek word "philia," to which he was referring, could mean both friendship and love at that time. Especially behind the gain of pleasure there might be love or infatuation and not friendship in today’s sense.
Even though Aristotle and others have struggled to find an exact definition: In the end, a friendship is what the participants make of it. Wikipedia defines it as a". at mutual affection based relationship with each other". That sums it up very well in essence, but the individual scope is very large.
Every friendship has a certain value for the person who enters into it different value. It is based on voluntariness and has normally no sexual actions as a goal.
"A little friendship is worth more to me than the admiration of the whole world."
Otto von Bismarck (1815-1898), German politician and statesman
Are you looking for friends?
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2. What distinguishes real friends?
What are real/genuine friends? Aristotle, as seen, distinguishes friendships that are entered into for some benefit from those that are for the sake of being only. Exactly in this definition the characteristics of real friendship can already be seen.
If it is a relationship that is only entered into because someone expects to benefit from it not from one genuine friendship are spoken about.
The real, true friendship is based on the fact that it is not entered into by anyone involved primarily because he or she expects something from it. The following characteristics further suggest it:
- Unconditional acceptance: Everyone who has a good friend knows the nice feeling of being accepted – regardless of his weaknesses and flaws. Nobody needs to pretend within this friendship and can be as he is.
- Honesty: In many situations it is more comfortable to get out of the affair with a little lie. Telling someone else the truth, on the other hand, requires courage and a close bond. Most people only put up with this if the other person is very important to them and they don’t have to fear major trouble because of their honesty.
The point of honesty in friendship is not uncontroversial. For example, who benefits if, under the flag of honesty, we simply hurt the other with our opinion? No positive benefit to our friend or to anyone else in the process? Suggestion: If our "honesty is hurtful, we weigh several times whether to share our understanding of the situation.
- Loyalty and trust: No matter what you are doing. A good friend is there for you. This does not mean that you see each other all the time. Good friendships can last for long periods of weeks or months without face-to-face contact. This can be seen when, after a long absence, the old relationship of trust is immediately reestablished. This also means you can be sure that friends keep things to themselves that are told to them in confidence.
- Forgive: Even in friendships, things can sometimes come to a head. This is simply part of human relationships. Good friends are characterized by the fact that they approach each other again afterwards without worrying and can laugh about the conflict after a few weeks at the latest.
How many real friends you have?
The voices so far:
3. Where to meet new friends? A collection of ideas
3.1. Get off the sofa!
Those who are looking for new friends should go to situations where they can meet new, unknown people. This usually means opening up one’s Comfort zone, own social context, to leave. It is also important Open to be and the willingness to get involved with others. Tips and ideas on this in the following article:
Article: Expand comfort zone
Expanding your comfort zone – 33 challenges for more success
There are some reasons why Staying in your comfort zone should, but there are also many good reasons why we should have Leave this zone again and again should.
The problem with the comfort zone is: We massively limit our possibilities. We limit ourselves and we prevent valuable developments.
In this post, you’ll read about what we can do to comfort zone and to expand it. You learn d 3-sector model know, personal exercises and 33 possible challenges in order to i to release internal brakes, To reduce fears and the To increase one’s own opportunities for success.
3.2. Use common interests
New friends are especially and particularly easy to find where your own interests lie. A good connecting point are for example Sports clubs, dance classes or volunteer activities.
To be after a long time revive an old hobby is also a good strategy. It is possible to find new people, for example, in a travel group, in an acting class, in a course at the adult education center or in the choir.
3.3. Going out
Where to find new friends? Visiting Concerts also offers the opportunity to find like-minded people. Certain artists have organized fan communities in many cities that can be joined, first online and then at meetings and concerts.
Deciding to further your education can also be very helpful. For example, if you are in a Seminar learns a new language, quickly finds talking to other people. For example, when it comes to exploring the reasons for learning the language.
3.5. Talk about the animal
A Pet can also be the key to a new social life. Because not only the four-legged friends themselves are very good friends, they also facilitate access to other people. For example during the Walking the dog you will often be approached by other dog owners and can arrange future joint outings.
3.6. Parent Activities
To find friends offer themselves for Parents especially the following places:
- crawling group
- Baby swimming, breastfeeding cafe o. a.
3.7. The wide online world
In this day and age, the Internet numerous opportunities to meet people and network. Whether it’s dating portals, Facebook groups or blogs: The possibilities are practically unlimited and there is something for everyone.
Can you add a place or opportunity to make new friends?
Thanks for every tip!
Soccer club, tennis in a club
At the workplace
Dancing, dancing, dancing
Hiking in a group, playing amateur theater, attending courses
Learning, practicing and communicating a new language with each other via Skype. In other words: Two native speakers of different languages help each other to learn the other language.
Travel alone, to a place/area that matches your interests.
Sports, fitness center, further education, start a running group via Annouce
About the circle of friends of acquaintances and existing old friends
Church community, pilgrimage
Waiting at the bus stop, at the car dealership, at the post office, asking at the supermarket, clubs with topics that appeal to me
At the workplace. We meet so many interesting people there and spend so much time together, why not deepen such working relationships?
Topic-oriented regulars’ tables
4. Be calm and brave
It is also important to Not to set your own expectations and wishes too high. It is like in love. If it sparks, then you have found a new friend for life. Otherwise, maybe just a buddy or a nice conversation partner. After all, that is already progress.
Taking the first step
Many people find it particularly difficult to make the first attempt at contact. You are insecure, shy and don’t know how to start a conversation for example. But that’s where the problem often lies, and that’s why it’s all the more important to look for such situations. Also applies to the social skill of reaching out to others: Practice makes perfect.
5. How does an acquaintance become a boyfriend/girlfriend??
You have chosen one of the above places and opportunities, arrived on the spot and even start a conversation! Not only that, your counterpart is even sympathetic to you! Now how do I get this person to be my girlfriend or my friend?. my friend will?
- Should I impress? Bragging about my experiences, my skills or my possessions?
- Or always exciting story or have an anecdote up your sleeve to keep the person talking for as long as possible?
Both are unnecessary and even counterproductive for making real friends. But what instead?
The Golden Tip is:
Surely you know the phenomenon from conversations: Most people like to chat about themselves and their opinions, but are not interested in the others in the round. Unfortunately, this also applies to twosome conversations.
That’s why it’s so easy: Hardly any person will be able to resist you if you inquire with interest about his life, his opinions and his preferences. Try it out, the success of a long conversation should be certain to you. And in doing so, the two of you can then calmly determine whether you want to become friends.
This approach works so well that you should think carefully beforehand about who you want to have a long conversation with
6. How often should you meet friends?
There is no general rule how often you should meet friends. Many people enjoy meeting their friends several times a week. Others are satisfied with having face-to-face contact with friends once or twice a month at most, or even less frequently.
However, in order to maintain relationships, it is important to have appropriate Signals send out. A simple, nice message or asking how they are doing is enough in such cases.
If you are busy most of the time with your work or your own family and still don’t want to neglect your friends, you should set up a regular Time window in his calendar. For example, it is possible to always reserve a table at your favorite pub on the first Friday of the month, making the meetings "ritualize".
We have collected more tips on how to maintain a friendship in the following article:
Article: Maintaining friendships
Maintaining friendships – 14 plus X tips for life
Many long to have a true girlfriend or boyfriend. someone who Going through thick and thin with one, someone to rely on in times of crisis, someone we can count on to meet, with whom we laugh and cry … songs or movies about friendship trigger a longing in many people.
That’s why when we have a girlfriend or a boyfriend we should, do something for it and cultivate friendship. 14 plus X suggestions we’ve put together for you.
7. Why do we need friends?
People are Pack animals and wither away when they are alone. At many stages in human history, it was essential for survival to maintain a connection with one’s horde or tribe. Isolation usually led to death in the long run.
We often hear of alleged experiments on babies who were fed but received no social attention and subsequently died. Although there are no sources for these studies, this phenomenon is known as "hospitalism". This refers to all the symptoms that occur when children do not receive lasting emotional attention during the first two years of their lives. The result is increased physical illness, disinterest in the environment, and delayed development.
From the article:
Article: 5 things that lead to contentment
Happiness is an attractive goal for many people. But feelings last on average only a few seconds, moods (hopefully) a few days at most. "Satisfaction with your own life" Stands for something Long-term, Sustainable. They look back and say, "My life is good. I feel it is a life worth living." Even if things don’t always go smoothly, even without having to transform yourself. Read here about the five empirically proven steps towards a life that is generally considered "a good one" is considered.
Similar symptoms are also seen in adults who do not have relationships with other people. Just as other people feel hunger, these people have a heightened sense of Loneliness. According to scientists from the U.S. and Australia, brain scans have shown that the same regions of the brain respond to people who are lonely as they do to physical pain.
Researchers are convinced that loneliness has harmful effects similar to smoking, obesity or lack of exercise. So we literally need our friends in order to survive.
"Of all the gifts that fate grants us, there is no greater good than friendship – no greater wealth, no greater joy."
Epicurus (341-270 v. Chr.), Greek philosopher
8. Why many adults have no friends?
Many adults who had many friends as children find at some point in their lives that most of them have slipped away as they get older. You notice that certain emptiness in their life has set.
Making new friends is easy them suddenly, however, a lot harder than in childhood. The lightheartedness to approach other people without ulterior motives is simply no longer present. Many have Fear from embarrassing themselves or making a bad impression on others if they open their hearts too much. You put yourself under pressure and fear that other people only smell cheap attempts at ingratiation behind it.
To make matters worse, everyone seems to have already found their set circle of friends and has no increased interest in expanding it currently. Many adults have a fixed social context, z. B. family and job, and because of that are only rarely in situations, in which they could meet new people at all.
The progressive Digitization has further diminished our communication skills in recent years. Many people today find it almost alienating when others start talking to them in a pub. The good old trivial Small talk Is as good as extinct.
Article: Why small talk is important
Why small talk is important and what you should definitely keep in mind
Small talk comes easy to some, others don’t think it’s important, and others have great difficulty with these actually casual conversations. small talk is an important part of interpersonal communication. It is essential to build and strengthen relationships.
This is as true in your personal life as it is in your professional life. Because this conversation, sometimes referred to as caregiver chit-chat, is the glue that brings people together and holds them together in a variety of roles. But there are some things to think about and to consider, because faux pas also lurk here. Read about the pitfalls, suggestions and ways to practice in the article. This is how small talk becomes a little more smart talk.
Another possible explanation for lack of friendships: The Trust into other people seems dropped to be. Some even suspect evil intent or pure self-interest in another person from the outset when contact is attempted.
Many people also have a wishful idea of what their perfect friendship should look like. These partly high expectations represent an additional hurdle.
"Demand a lot of yourself and expect little from others. This will save you a lot of trouble."
Confucius (551 – 479 b. Chr.), Chinese philosopher
9. Why do you lose friends?
One loses friends primarily because one has not taken care of the corresponding relationships. Even if good friends forgive you for many things Friendships not a self-starter and must be cultivated like a precious plant.
Especially from an age of about 30 years many friendships break up. There is no specific reason for this, in most cases they tend to expire. The reasons for this can be very different.
For example, many people rush into their jobs and focus on their Career. Instead of your previous friends, you spend a lot of time with your colleagues. For a while it looks like these are now the true friends. However, this is usually only the case until the job is changed.
Other people throw themselves fully into their relationship and into the Family life. Especially in the first Infatuation phase most people like to spend a lot of time with their new partner. For some, however, this remains the case permanently and the extended family environment becomes the focus of their lives. Often then simply lack the time or energy to still meet with friends.
In many cases also Moves to other places, cities and countries lead to the original circle of friends being lost. Nowadays, tools like Skype or Zoom make it quite easy to maintain relationships over long distances, but meeting in person is still irreplaceable.
To revive old friendships
It is possible to get close to your former friends again, z. B. because your life situations have changed. However, it may also be that we have simply grown too far apart in the meantime. It is therefore advisable, when in doubt, to simply meet for a coffee and talk again. The important thing is not to have high expectations. During the meeting you look to see if the spark is there again.
"Friendship is like money, easier won than received."
Samuel Butler (1835-1902), British writer
10. blueprints-Pareto-Tip: Finding friends
"Making new friends is sometimes difficult, especially as an adult. It is important to be open to others, to show interest and not to set your expectations too high. The easiest and best way to make new friends is to talk to people about your interests and hobbies."
11. downside / wholeness / reflection
Friends enrich your life, give you joy, comfort and security. But if you have too many friends / acquaintances, you easily get into stress. Especially intelligent people are said to be happier if they don’t have too many close friends. On average: Ten close friends are the magic number for the highest satisfaction. Source
Reflection questions on this:
- What do you expect from real friendship?
- Are you ready to give back as much?
- How many friends do you have enough free time for?
Also, not every "friendship" is a gain for us. Some people just don’t do us any good, leave us in a bad mood or tempt us to do deeds that harm us in the long run.
Article: To separate or not to separate?
To break up or not – in 4 steps to the decision
To be free from Separating people, is not simply. To hold on to them but sometimes not. Many a supposed partner, colleague or friend has turned out differently and no longer seem to suit us. We ask ourselves deceived have. Whether the other person is not only stands in the way, us pulls down or even harm?
But if this person has played a big role in our lives so far, hesitate we usually, to let the person out of our life. Often we get a lot of benefits from the relationship at the same time, still feel something for each other or there are other people, z. B. Children directly related to this.
A state of insecurity develops, which makes us paralyzes and much Stress means. This article will help you make a decision so that you can be more confident in life move forward can. For this you go 4 steps to the decision.
12. Download "Find friends
In our download you will find the most important contents of the article summarized on one page.
Making Friends- Summary
13. More on the topic on YouTube, Amazon and Co.
The Internet is full of tips, guides and instructions. We present you a selection below.
Video: Putting an end to loneliness
Length: 13 minutes
Video: Meeting new people
Length: 8 minutes
Video: Making friends online – is it possible?
Length: 15 minutes
Books on Amazon about the topic
14. In context interesting on blueprints.de
-to keep the love to the partner – so you dare – to these 21 signs you should pay attention – how we improve difficult relationships – to build affection- 14 plus X tips for life – bring peace to your relationship – where and how to make friends as an adult(s)
Two friends vowed to each other to stand by each other faithfully in all cases and to share joys and sorrows with each other. So they set out on their wanderings.
Unexpectedly a bear came towards them on a narrow forest road. United they might have conquered him. But since one of them was too fond of his life, he left his friend and climbed a tree, forgetting what he had promised just before. Now when the other found himself abandoned, he barely had time to throw himself flat on the ground and play dead, because he had heard that the bear did not eat the dead.
The best friends we have,
they arrive only with pain,
and what they did to us for woe,
is almost as great as its gifts.
And when they say goodbye again,
one must be comfortable to pain.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
14.2. Popular quotes about friendship
"Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend. But it takes a really noble character to be happy about a friend’s successes."
Oscar Wilde (1854 – 1900), Irish writer
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"Many a man runs after happiness and does not know that he has it at home."
Adolph Kolping (1813 -1865), German Catholic priest and founder of the Kolping Society
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"A friend’s real job is to stand by you when you’re in the wrong.
Everyone is on your side when you are in the right."
Mark Twain (1835 – 1910), US-American storyteller and satirist
Read more here
Jean Paul about friendship is a gift of God
"To have a good friend is of all God’s gifts the purest, for this kind of love knows no reciprocal reward. It is not inherited as with family. It is not mandatory
like that to a child. And she does not have the means of physical pleasures as in marriage. Therefore, it is an indescribable bond that carries with it a devotion far deeper than any other."