I love my child – but i don’t like it! What helps? Question from the community

I am a silent reader here, and the experiences of other parents with questions have also often helped me.

I have been facing a problem for a long time and it would do me good to know if others have been through this situation and feelings before.

I am a fairly young mom, 28 years old and already two girls, 7 and 2. My boyfriend and I are.. well.. normal pair. We share everything quite equally, he is self-employed, I work part-time. We love and we quarrel, even in front of the children, but never badly. We deliver and already word fights, but are never hurtful, and we get along quite quickly. With the children we are both super affectionate, we have never beaten them, and we have both at most times loudly STOP when it was really dangerous.

We actually have a consensus on harmony in the family.

I say ‘actually’ because we are both terrified of our eldest daughter and completely clueless.

Even as a baby she was insanely tense, not to say a real writing baby. The defiance phase was scary. Daycare adjustment very difficult. Daycare time difficult. She never really wanted to be there.

I can remember very few moments so far when I thought the child was really comfortable.

All pediatricians have certified her as healthy and normally developed, she is not sick, we have had her completely checked – but she seems to be at war with the world, with us, with her sister. She screams from the smallest occasion, throws herself on the floor even as a first grader, curses (!), scolds, demands, stomps, destroys things.

I try to be gentle, then she doesn’t listen at all, and continues to riot. I try to be clear and firm, then she screams even worse, and also likes to break things. Yes, she looks at me or her dad grimly and challengingly and knocks an object around so that it rattles.


She has few friends at school, the teacher doesn’t have a good approach to her either.

We have seen two child psychologists, and have had two behavioral therapies, without much success. They could not make a proper diagnosis. There was suspicion of autism, has not been confirmed. Well, we have learned some tricks, which help us with the most necessary things, so that we dare to get into a vehicle together – without being afraid that we will have an accident right away. Loud music on her ears calms her down a bit.

Very rarely she likes to be held in our arms, when she is completely exhausted, mostly from crying.

We often say: "I love you!"and mean it also in such a way.

But I have to be honest: I don’t like my child.

Yes, I love my daughter, but I realize how I’m beginning to dislike her whole manner. My nerves are through. Sometimes I wonder if she doesn’t instinctively feel the rejection… even though I try everything not to let her feel it. Is this a vicious circle?

Her little sister is a treasure of gold. From the beginning "beginner baby", unproblematic, cuddly, sweet as sugar. The full contrast program. When I hold her in my arms, I oscillate between relaxation and a guilty conscience for the big one.

Fortunately, the big one has inhibitions to hurt the little one badly – but in the heat of the moment, the little one has already received one or the other block to the head. To be on the safe side, we never leave the kids alone.

To be on the safe side, all our friends left us alone… of course, with us as a family it’s no fun…

My friend has tried many things, trips with her alone, leaving her once with grandma (his mother). Difficult. She treats everyone like a capricious ruler. She has also thrown a shoe right in her grandma’s face and really hurt her.

I feel sad and hurt – my boyfriend is more optimistic despite everything. He thinks her moods are going to get the better of her…

Is there anyone who knows this feeling or has come close to such experiences? What helped?

Many desperate greetings,
an anonymous mom"

  • 23. May 2019
  • 113
  • Aggresive, aggression, I love my child – but I don’t like it!, Problem child, rage, angry
Bea Best
About me

School founder, mother, eternal child. Believes that creativity is the most important skill of the 21. She is a very active child of the twentieth century and advocates for more cheerfulness in learning, living and educating. Loves cooking, traveling and DIY and is always trying some crazy idea, usually with kids together.


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Dealing with anger better – The anger thermometer from "The Relationship

"My children make me freak out!"Well, and then? Regulating emotions – for everyone!




Wow dear mom,
First of all big compliments to you guys for getting through this as a family for so long already! I don’t know the situation from my own experience, but I would like to give you family constellations as a tip. I’ve had some really weird experiences with unclear and strong emotions (not with children, but similar situations), and I’ve found that they can be solved quite quickly and easily – maybe this will help you. I know z.B. There is one near Munich (Gunter Schricker’s practice), if you live near there, but there are many of them. Otherwise I send you a lot of strength, relaxation and good thoughts! If you like, feel free to contact me for more info as well.


Hello! I know this very well from my children. Have you had your child tested for autism?? We luckily had a pediatrician with a good eye for such things, but unfortunately this is not true for all pediatricians. Especially with girls, the diagnostic criteria often do not fit correctly at first sight. All the best and much strength!


Somehow the cover picture does not fit. Why a girl who looks like from a third world country?

Bea Best

You see, so the associations can be different. The girl reminded me of my own daughter when she was hangry and annoyed from the playground.
Best regards, Bea


I am afraid that the big child is extremely struggling with the postnatal sibling crisis, the effects of which came later and are therefore no longer associated with it.

Yes! It is a vicious circle because the child feels the rejection and as a result behaves worse and worse because he/she gets into more and more distress because he/she doesn’t get enough attention (and always has to watch the sibling being showered with it without effort).

Dear mom, you can start liking your child again, it’s not too late! However, you need to work intensively on the past and spend a lot of time. But you can manage to grow together into a great family! But this is exclusively in your hands – you as adults have to take urgent action.

I wish you strength and patience from my heart!
Kind regards

First of all, I have to give you a lot of respect that you are holding up so well. And it’s not your antipathy towards your child that’s the problem, it’s the result of it. I myself have a daughter who is now almost 17 years old, and answers like "a throne thrust" by the second child or "rejection is the cause" are not very helpful for you. I have a daughter who is almost seventeen years old and I don’t like her behavior either, but I love my daughter. My daughter always showed almost antisocial behavior, rules and boundaries do not exist. At that time, a pediatric audiologist certified AVWS, which relieved me. But parenting is terribly exhausting to this day. It only became easier as the child grew older and became more independent, so that the embarrassing moments became fewer. But then came puberty and everything went on worse than ever until today. I have three children and they are all very different, the other two are much easier to manage. It just goes to show that difficult children can also be
difficult nature and we parents can’t do much about it.
I hope for you that you can name the child and I wish you a lot of perseverance!

Dear Lola, thank you. I am glad that there are other parents who experience the same thing. It takes away my guilt. I love my son but his behavior is often a nightmare. At the same time he complains about lack of appreciation from us parents, his four siblings, his schoolmates etc. Sometimes we are just tired and I pray that it will slowly get better with age (he is 16;9). So thank you for your vote.

Love greetings


. another thought might be that your daughter has a high base tension in her neck, which may stem from pregnancy and/or birth. These tensions are reported as pain in the beginning (baby’s roar), but later they are not reported anymore. Then you can only deduce the tension traits from the behavior and possibly from body postures. Here it could be worthwhile to consult an osteopath and possibly also a homeopath. Shiatsu can also be very relieving.
If your daughter doesn’t like to lie down by herself at first, just let her watch when you or your husband are getting treated. This then sort of invites you to choose it as a possibility. Can also just be good for you, so that you have space for relief and once again come to breathe through.
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Dear desperate mom, I can understand you so well! I also know such feelings. I think the most important thing is not to accuse yourself. I think you can dislike every close person (partner, children, yourself) from time to time! And it is understandable that you also reject her behavior. Tips I don’t really have. I myself sometimes have to fight with our rage. I recently heard about a method called "Mate MEO". It helps to reflect the whole situation (parents with child) better. But you seem very reflective to me. What a pity that your friends have abandoned you. I have the feeling that you don’t have to do anything about the child so much as you have to think about yourselves. Ever thought about a therapy for yourself? To not always flagellate yourself for your own feelings? Feel pressed by an understanding mama of three (and each of the three is different)! Sometimes I like one more, sometimes the other. But I love them all!)

Hello dear mom,
Compliments that you have remained so calm so far.
It reminds me a little of my daughter.
I’ll leave you with some thoughts on this, maybe it will help:
– try to protect your boundaries and don’t put up with everything.
– Maybe more independence, a new hobby, a new task for your daughter
– Don’t take it too much to heart. Let them stay within their frame. MAKE. It will get better. Have confidence.
– Focus on the positive. catch her being good and praise her for it.
– In the evening, check the three best things of the day, from their and your point of view. Train the view on the positive and empathy for you.
– No sibling comparison. The fact that the little sister behaves completely different will give the big one additional fire.
– Look for sources of strength
I wish you all the best. We are still experimenting.
Love greetings


Hello dear mom, I know this sounds a bit scabby but if your little one grows horns again just leave her alone. From experience there is no point in staying with them when they are angry . Let her calm down and then approach her again ask why she is angry and how you can help her. But don’t show her that she has broken something . And does your child do sports? Try a sport and a possible horseback riding therapy .Many love greetings


Much of what is described reminds me of my own daughters: they are like a volcano, the slightest occasion is enough to make them freak out. Conversely, they can also be completely bubbling over with joy – sky high, sad to death, but there is little in between. You have a lot of energy and sleep badly/very little. They need a whole lot of mommy attention, it never seems enough. If this applies to your daughter, your child is perfectly normal, she is just "more", especially temperamental, with a lot of assertiveness, but (still) low threshold of irritation. Check out Nora Imlau’s book "So Much Joy, So Much Anger" on, or "How stressful kids become great adults" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
LG, Julia


Reminds me of my own mother. She was always of the opinion that I was an impossible and difficult child.
I can remember that she never really understood me. And always stressed how sweet and quiet my little sister is, which made me feel devalued all the time.

She was always having me checked somewhere and wondering what was wrong with me. Because of this I always felt different from the others and not loved.
In reality my mother was in her own world and never really understood how to deal with me and what my personality was like. Because of the fact that I was apparently already so difficult as a baby, she never really behaved affectionately to me but only nagged at me.
At some point I started to scream loudly in protest at every little thing. Most of the time I got into more trouble, although I actually felt neglected and not really noticed. Most of the time she didn’t know what was going on inside me and never bothered to build up a real relationship with me. It was much easier to put the blame on me even at elementary school age.
I could no longer take her seriously because she always seemed helpless to me, even to a small child.

I now worry a lot about having children of my own because I am afraid I will not like my child. Since I never got that perfect love in my own childhood.

Many situations become clear only later, and the older I get the more I understand it was not me but my mother.

My mother was a primary school teacher and now works in a kindergarten. Now that my sister is a bit older and I have moved out, she is no longer the favorite child.
Since I have limited contact with my mother I feel better and she is much nicer to me than before. Suddenly she treats me better than my sister, who was clearly her favorite child at the time and has now taken over my role.

I have read many books and now I think it is because of her own inner conflicts that she could not solve. And maybe she saw something of my father in me or she didn’t like that he was always on my side.
She destroyed my relationship with my father by always telling me how bad I was and presenting things only from her point of view.
I am glad to have no more contact with her and advise everyone with similar problems to get to the bottom of things. Looking for common ground with daughter and spending time with her alone, not just when sister is around. Give her a positive self-image. Children always notice such things and never behave conspicuously without a reason.

Problems at school and perhaps indicate that the girl has not learned what it is like to be liked for her personality and therefore has difficulty making friends.

Oh my god, I get scared. I have a feeling it could be my daughter writing it. It’s just not that simple. To say the mother is to blame is just. Just all the time in between until a child is able to grasp this thought is a long way. By then the relationship is screwed. I understand the mother, I understand the daughter and somewhere in between I find myself.
But I speak from my point of view. It is a burden to raise a difficult child. One NEVER rests. It’s like being permanently in the expectation that something bad is going to happen and it does happen.

Hello Elina1994,
Wow, your comment totally gets under my skin. This view of a child, so reflected, I have not read before and totally touches me.
How did you come to this clarified opinion?? Have you read books on this? Have you been to a therapist? Would be very happy to hear from you.


I don’t have such a problem myself; get along quite well with my two boys (ages 11 and 7). Maybe your daughter is acting out the suppressed aggressiveness of the family. As an antipole, so to speak. Do you let out anger/hate properly and do you allow yourself these feelings or are they suppressed? Your partner?


Like Elina above, it also reminds me of my childhood. I don’t want to minimize how you feel. and it is for sure super exhausting when a baby never comes to rest and cries all the time, but!
Already the headline is sad. I overheard my mom on the phone say "I love my kid, but". " when I was about 15. This "but makes the one before that broken and almost unusable. It is a limitation. It puts conditions on parental love. I love you, but only if you are not demanding. I love you, but only formally as my child, not as the person you are. I love you, but you are a burden. My mother must have told me every day that she loves me. But I always had the feeling that it is not about me. When did she ever ask how I feel about something? Or asked for my opinion on anything? Showed real interest in me.

Regardless of the causes, maybe you can access your daughter about this "but" find. by compassion. What does a child feel that "but"? Feels? Sadness, helplessness, distress, fear, anger?

For me it rather led to over-adaptation and conflict aversion. This is the other strategy, where children at first sight are nice and quiet and inconspicuous. See Jesper Juul and Helle Jensen "From obedience to responsibility", especially cape. 13 Working with challenging children. In this respect it could also be a chance: You know that something is not right and you can look for other ways to shape the relationship.
Can you find anything about your daughter that you appreciate? That maybe she can get absorbed in an activity? That something is important to her, like animals or fairness? And focus on that?

In any case offer a lot of movement! Several times a week something sporty, exercise, preferably outside! You can get rid of a lot of anger with that. And don’t be nice yourself all the time first, but be completely honest (not only when she ticks off), and clearly say "this annoys me when you do this", not "you annoy me"! Registering your own feelings and making them clear. Could help. I found the book "so that little assholes don’t become big ones" very helpful to better understand a lot of what goes on between me and my child.


Hello dear desperate mom,

your account is from a while back. I would be interested to know how it has developed since then.

I have great respect for the fact that the relationship between you parents obviously survives the difficult times and that despite everything – as you say almost never – you become loud towards your daughter. Maybe your daughter has something that needs to be diagnosed, maybe not. I think it can be totally harmful for the development of her personality in the latter case, if she is always only as a problem in the center of attention. Imagine someone dragging you from doctor to doctor and therapist to therapist so that the problem you are finally gets a name. The little girl sees herself only as a problem, I can imagine? She knows that no one can find her behavior good, but they don’t find her good anyway (parents somehow secretly, the teacher, classmates) – how is she supposed to get out of it on her own? Personally, I would sit down with the child, maybe over ice cream or anything that brings joy, and say "So far, things aren’t going really well with us; we both don’t feel really good about the way things are now, we want to change that. What do you wish from me?"Maybe it takes her a while to find an answer, but if you show her that you are totally interested and curious, an answer will come. If her wishes are respected, she may be more willing to respect other people’s wishes.

I wish you all the best!


I married my wife with her 4 children 2 are already out of the house and 2 still at home the younger one is 14 the bigger one is 17 and with her it is also like that with all the other grandma auntie mama no matter she is also the would like to be ruler but in reality she just needs the attention she misses she gets along with me great even though I am the step dad she talks to me about everything and has her heart on the right spot often it is just better even if it’s just the stepmom or stepdad that you approach the child no matter how badly it behaves it times in the arm takes and times asks what’s going on eigendlich with our big has worked it is then with time itself approached me and it got better even if she is to grandma and mom still the same she has someone who gives her the security she needs and with time it got better and better and she is on a good way even if she doesn’t realize it herself it helps her in all situations that the stepdad is there for her and to him she is meanwhile quite sweet and normal as it should be I think everyone deserves a chance no matter how bad and unpleasant he is

Is the girl maybe highly sensitive and just overstimulated or overwhelmed when she gets angry?


Without getting too close to anyone, I would also think of a dissocial personality disorder. It does not have to be psychopathy or sociopathy, nevertheless these people exist umpteen times, if each 100. has one of these faults. If a person does not feel anything, it is still possible to counteract with a lot of love in order to steer the child’s later life in a better direction. I am not a therapist either, but I am the daughter of a psychopath. Some people can’t be changed and given therapy. Have a good look at your daughter.


I think your daughter is completely normal. Probably highly sensitive and intelligent. Accept her as she is. It can become a lot.

No idea of spelling and grammar! How can you publish such texts! I get sick and tired when I look at all the internet scribbling like this .

Bea Best

Hi MWB, I admit, as a blog owner, I have also learned the German language myself, and it is not always easy for me to find mistakes made by my guest contributors. I have already improved a lot. I left some things because I felt it was stylistically right to leave it authentic – also expresses feelings. What would interest me at this point: What are the strong feelings behind your comment? Why does that make you sick? Many greetings, Bea

Evelyne Duezel

I don’t know if you read this novh. and you have already received so many good tips and advice.. why ever your big daughter is behaving like this, I am sure she also feels bad about it and simply can’t change it.
Know your feelings well and I also don’t think there is THE recipe.
My idea; if your daughter would get a dog or a cat? Self-selecting might (or co-selecting).
So she would have a friend she could always talk to, who is faithfully there for her and gives her a sense of being protected, not being alone, feeling understood, feeling loved, warmth. and she would have a task and responsibility, only she – because she is the big one.
Best wishes and much love and strength to you. You are a super loving great mom!

I think I am crazy. A dog or a cat. a child can take for such a living being my responsibility and an animal, he n so highly sensitive animal, like a dog or a cat or at all an animal into such a dissoziale family to bring. Impossible suggestion. Also an animal has a right to a harmonious life, fair to its species. There must first see the people, wei they get along with each other, before one forces another Mitlebewesen in such a Konstrllation.

Please accept that loving and liking are two different things. And autism is too variable to be tested&.
Who is loved can also understand that one does not like him because of certain behaviors. This is how I manage it with my children. I love her but I like her only temporarily. &


Absolutely times on the KISS or. KIDD Syndrome should be tested by a specialist for it. That sounds very much like it to me. There are only a few KISS/KIDD specialists in Germany, it is best to go to the group for KISS children on Facebook and ask for one in your area. There should be a doctor who treats according to Gutmann.
Otherwise I also know a child that was a writing baby and later also had problems with aggression and no social connection etc. and was then finally diagnosed with Asperger’s.

Tanja Schwager-Kyburz

I have not read all the comments. Only 1 question for you. Have you tried aromatherapy? With my son it worked incredibly. Lg Tanja [email protected] me otherwise.

Sandra Klein

I would have the same problem with my daughter. She is now 8. We went to a psychologist and it turned out that she wants to educate us as parents.

She has reversed the roles. Because her brother came into the world and it was a difficult birth we took care of him very intensively. Gave him a lot of attention in the first place. Our little one had felt neglected in the time. She quickly became independent. My big mistake was that every time something went wrong I always blamed her. But I never noticed myself that in the end I rebuked her more than I praised her. The more I reprimanded her the more she was terrible. She observed how much we treated the little one differently from her. She realized that we expected too much from her when she could still give at her age. It was our mistake.

Now I take intensive time for her. I took her cell phone away and we don’t watch as much TV anymore either. I look for things every day for which I can praise her. Even if they are small things. When I put them to bed I always lie down with her. I used to lie down with her brother only because I thought he was so small and needed it more, but that was not true. She was just as much a child. I am ashamed and hate myself for it. Since I spend more time with her and show her by little things how important she is to me, our relationship has become better.

And by the way sid loves her brother so much that she only wants to sleep with him in the same bed. And when someone teases him, she protects him.

You can do this


I’m sorry, but a child doesn’t swap roles by itself, parentification comes from parents who are (temporarily) not in the adult role. That’s what I wanted to note. I hope that everything will be better for you now! :)

Hello together,
I don’t have children myself, but I work with them every day. I know similar cases, also with the negative autism diagnosis. It might be worthwhile to get another opinion on this matter. But there is also the possibility that I have already encountered. There are people who are highly sensitive, respectively. are hyper sensitive, d.h. they are permanently flooded with stimuli, the scene with the loud music would also be white on it, then the little one can focus on it. It would explain why she can’t relax and why she is so off the grid seems to fall. It could be that she feels every day and always too, as if she had to walk through New York with flashing advertising boards. That would be too much for anyone and especially for such a young child. It is unfortunately far too often that this is not diagnosed or diagnosed very late.


How good it is to be able to exchange ideas with those affected.
My daughter (11 years) is also such a specimen that triggers ambivalent feelings in me. She is very ornery, doesn’t take no for an answer, doesn’t accept my boundaries, has no friends because of her impulsiveness, so spends more time with me than is good for either of us, is easily offended and terribly demanding.
On the other hand, she is fond of animals, polite to other adults (who are not in a relationship of authority with her), intelligent, adventurous, curious, creative.
I talk to her about boundaries, about how to deal with each other and that it is not good for me and for her if one of us constantly overruns the boundaries of the other. She sees that in the moment but 2 days later she falls back into old behavior patterns.
She breaks off attempts at therapy, she refuses to accept it. When people ask her too many questions, she blocks and closes up like a clam.
Her stubbornness causes me worries and fears. Where others do not distinguish themselves enough, she distinguishes herself too much. On the other hand, there are probably always attempts to gain sympathy from classmates through sweets, which of course is not durable. Have talked my mouth off that this is not a good way to make friends. When the kids shut her out again afterwards, she is angry and disappointed.
I must say that when I compare our childhoods with each other, the tears come to me. Up until my teens (when it became difficult for me) I always had a few very good friends and was always out and about. My daughter on the other hand, by her stubbornness, stands more or less alone and lets her frustration out on me.
She has been in 2 sports clubs for years and even there she can’t make any lasting contacts because her ego is too big.
Yes, I am now at the point that I am glad when she is out of the house.
I have read so many guidebooks and visited educational counseling centers, but it doesn’t get us anywhere.
In the meantime I have to be very careful that she does not feel my rejection too strongly. I love my daughter, and I always will, but I don’t like the way she behaves.


Dear Mom, we are in a similar situation and I am increasingly exhausted. Even though it’s been a while since your post, maybe you could report back on how it’s been going for you guys, or rather how it’s been going for her. perhaps you are interested in an exchange? I would be very happy to hear from you and of course I hope that the situation has changed for the better in the meantime.

I’m also in a really desperate situation right now and would like to exchange ideas.
It would be much too much to write everything down here to be able to express my worries and especially fears.
But I know that sometimes just the exchange with a "foreign" person can help immensely and because I myself am and was always a helpful person I hope that now something comes back.


My heart just opens – I could cry! I feel so bad sometimes. My child certainly notices regularly that I don’t like – I’ll put it gently – various qualities about her. I always thought that I was completely alone in this. It is so good to know that several parents seem to feel the same way. Even if I can’t seem to find a solution – at least I’m not alone. And that alone is a balm for my soul!

Bea Best

So sweet and so encouraging also for others when you write this, dear Britta!

Babse Richter

You should ask yourself why there used to be such "screw ups" hardly gave children.
Instead of letting the children become violent adolescents and then adults for years, just pull through a strict (NEEDED) education and period.
I know, the outcry of the "Heititeitieltern" is great, but children who are not educated, do not know any strict limits when they are like this, will ALWAYS assert their childish head against such helpless adults (parents) – and even use violence against the parents/grandparents.

Bea Best

Hello Babse, there was "before" also no blogs where you could comment so fast and off the cuff. Greetings, Bea

Jeannine Filusch

Hello dear ones, a healthy and relaxed new year wishes you all.
I too have a son (18) with whom it has always been very difficult. He was a so called writing baby. There was no approach to him. Early on I started to encourage and challenge him, was strict as a sergeant. short concise instructions. So dear Babse, it can’t be because of that, since it was like that from the beginning. Six years after that I had another son and lo and behold. a completely different CHARACTER! Since I became aware of this, I have changed my approach. The big one was still difficult (until today) but little by little I learned that it is not against me and he only understands if I continue to approach him openly, he can come to me with everything, I just sometimes tear myself apart than to "chalk it up" to him. Our relationship is still straining but he is now a smart, self-confident, young man with good high school diploma and he will go his way :o)
Hang in there and lots of love, attention, listening, expressing interest, taking seriously, then it will be alright.
I hug all moms and hang in there. Jeannine

Bea Best

Thank you dear Jeannine for this wonderful experience! Best regards, Bea

Jeannine Filusch

Dear Bea, if my last name could be removed I would be very grateful and if someone here is looking for direct contact with a mom with the same experience I would be open-minded. Best regards, Jeannine

Bea Best

Dear Jeanine, I can always change something in your comment if you wish, but not the name under which you are registered, only you can do that. If necessary: delete comment and post again with a new registration. Love, Bea


Wow, I can hardly believe that there are other mothers who feel the same way I do. My daughter was a screamer. After that she was just exhausting. She did nothing without me and actually did little without protesting. She does not give, she only takes. She makes demands without ceasing and always wants to attention: I’m thirsty, the blue cup, not the red, apple juice, not water. While trying to do that – I’m hungry, mommy, I want to. – Mom, why. Without a break. I have called it the endless loop of demands. That is why I had a second child. Everybody said it was my fault that my child was like this. But the second is different. He gives love back and he can play by himself and he says ‘I can do it, I’m already big’. My daughter has never said that. She is 5. I’m still cleaning her ass. I can’t stand it anymore
My marriage is suffering so much because we are both completely burnt out and not getting enough sleep. The doctors say she is just very smart, but normally developed. We should be stricter or more lenient – opinions vary. I have beaten her before. So the classic ‘pat on the butt’. I am totally drained after days where I couldn’t even go to the bathroom by myself. I can’t put the second child to bed because the first one is going crazy again. Three people suffer because one can’t give rest. I feel so bad because I don’t want to hit my kid. No punishment, no good coaxing, nothing helps. She giggles, runs around, provokes, hides our things, annoys her brother, doesn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise, grumbles, nagging. I feel like a failure.


My son is sometimes like that. I think he is highly sensitive and very emotional. He can reflect his feelings very well in conversations and is also very thoughtful and deliberate in other ways. But dealing with his extreme feelings is difficult for him.

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