When a partnership breaks up, the separation leaves its mark. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was short-lived or long-lasting. Apart from the personal mementos, there is always something left behind.
First and foremost a powerful emotional chaos. The pain of love can be very hard to bear. Sometimes even lead to acute mental illnesses. In this case only professional help can help. In general, lovesickness is neither morbid nor a disease and usually passes quickly.
At some point comes the phase in which you only wish never again something of the "unfaithful tomato" to hear and see. The desire to finally forget gains the upper hand.
But the past cannot be erased so easily. The once beloved person cannot be easily erased from memory. Logically, everything needs its time!
Get the fuck out of my life
Yes, how then? If you cling and hold on to the past, you can’t expect the person you previously shared your life with to suddenly disappear from that very life altogether. Letting go is the order of the day! No matter how painful it is. It must be! However, this is exactly what many abandoned people find difficult. Even if the relationship was violent, they can’t get away from the person with whom they shared table and bed.
Weeping, wailing, complaining and drowning in self-pity is perfectly normal in the beginning and also important for the process of saying goodbye. If there is no way back, no happy end in sight, forgetting is the best solution. However, you will not find an effective remedy for this in any pharmacy. Nevertheless, there are good ways to ease the pain of love.
The black list
Open notebook – writing pad also works – take writing utensil at hand and create a black list. In no case use the writing program of the computer, because files can be deleted quickly. This does not bring much in the case. If you keep a diary (not a virtual one), you can write everything there. But a separate list is much more practical. After all, a list can be put or hung up anywhere where it is always visible and always reminds you how good it is that your partner is no longer there.
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Indra handmade notebook with brown leather cover, S.
What good is a blacklist?
It is simply a matter of pushing the positive far into the background, which everyone has experienced in their (now failed) relationship. Partnerships are characterized by good and bad times. Moreover, every person has his own peculiarities. They are not always lovable, but the partner is not bothered by them as long as love is fresh and sunshine prevails. Often one comes to terms with the quirks of one’s loved one without really tolerating them, just so as not to jeopardize happiness.
The "black list is an excellent way to note exactly what was actually disturbing. The negative of the former partner MUST be brought to the forefront. Bang hard, without hesitation. It’s hard to believe what comes out of this and it’s very amazing how fast the blacklist fills up. Especially when the pain of separation is still dewy. This is the perfect time to make a "negative catalog" to create. As soon as the shock has subsided, the anger has faded and the lonely evenings evoke longing, or provide for gloom, nothing more becomes of it.
Does it make sense to simply destroy all mementos – photos, gifts, love letters, and the like? This question can be answered neither with a clear "yes" nor with a clear "no" nor "no answer. It is better if the mementos are first shipped to a moving box, which is deposited in the attic or basement. The main thing is that everything is out of sight, out of mind for the time being. What is good for the "healing process with lovesickness is. Because everyone knows what happens when he constantly has the things in front of his eyes that remind of happy times.
So away with the photographs on the bedside table, away with the rest of the clothes that are still in the apartment, with the make-up utensils, the shaving stuff and everything that reminds you of him or her.
Just don’t throw everything away in a fit of rage, because later you might get angry about it. Therefore, the moving box, where there is room for all the belongings to disappear. Once everything can be viewed with some distance, the time has come to think about what to do with the remnants of the old relationship.
How to avoid the former partner?
It is not always possible to completely avoid the person you want to forget. Either because you go to school together, even to the same class, or because you share the same workplace, or because children have come out of the relationship, who ultimately have the right to see both parents. It is not uncommon to have a common circle of friends and therefore be invited to undertakings or parties, where you always meet with the person you actually do not want to see anymore.
Ways to limit contact as much as possible:
- Not to communicate with each other at work more than necessary – and if, then only professionally.
- The same applies at school – after all, there are many teenagers who suffer from heartbreak, and see their lost treasure every day).
- Only accept invitations from friends when it is certain that the person you want to avoid will not be there (helpful shortly after the breakup, though it doesn’t have to be permanent).
- In the sports club, if possible, change the team and complete the training sessions with other athletes.
- Change your favorite restaurant to avoid running into your ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend).
- When "children visit day" In the beginning, relatives or good friends should be present to hand over the child/children and take them back later.
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Tips, tricks and advice to ease the pain of separation
It is advisable to first delete mobile numbers and phone numbers, so as not to be embarrassed to call or text the woman or man, if the longing is too great. Likewise, delete email addresses immediately to prevent contact via mail.
It is also advisable to delete one’s own e-mail address and create a new account in order not to receive any more messages from the former girlfriend (boyfriend). In Internet forums and social networks, it is possible to block people with whom you do not want to have any contact or to put them on the "ignore list" to put.
So that the evenings do not become too long, the loneliness does not cause even more tears and love pain, it helps to meet with friends who, if possible, do not belong to the common circle of acquaintances. Otherwise, it is useful to ask the friends not to talk about the person who is responsible for the heartbreak.
If you don’t want to hurt yourself, don’t try to find out if you have met a new partner. To gain distance, it is important to distract yourself. If you have shared an apartment, you should renovate it as soon as possible, rearrange the furniture or buy new furniture. Changes do good. In addition, activities, which include wallpapering and painting the apartment, somewhat distract from the heartbreak.
The worst is still the "homecoming". There is no one left waiting at home, perhaps having already lovingly set the table and prepared a delicious menu. If you can’t stand the loneliness, you should get a pet. First of all, there will be someone to care for, pamper and love. Secondly, pets are good therapists. If you get a dog, you can get out of the house faster and meet new people while walking with your four-legged friend. And who knows, maybe among them is a person with whom you soon get along more than really well.