If you have just been dumped and can hardly stand it because of heartbreak, your thoughts are probably very often about how to win back your ex(s). I can understand that very well, because I went through that myself, for a very long time! And because I always get the question why it is not a good idea to try to win your ex back, I would like to answer it for you today.
You are wasting your time
That your relationship broke up has a reason – probably you can’t see it (yet), but it exists. I can tell you from experience that the time you invest to win your ex back is wasted love, at least for now. Just ask yourself these questions:
- If I win him/her back, what will change??
- Why should I be happier than before?
- Would our problems (read: the reason for the breakup) vanish into thin air?
Your relationship will not change
Nothing at all would change in your situation, only that you would feel safe again. And this is also one of the most reasons why we want to win our ex back: We’re afraid of being left alone, and of what all is in store for us.
In fact, uncertainty scares you because uncertainty causes insecurity and insecurity scares us because then we have no control and let our thoughts run wild – which usually results in imagining the worst scenarios in our head.
Answer the following questions honestly and preferably in writing and you will see how much better you feel afterwards:
- What would my life be like if I could change my ex(s)? never would win back?
- How would my life look like without my partner?
You will see that your life would not look nearly as dramatic as you imagine it to be.
He/she will not change
Often we wish our partner back with the silent hope that he/she will change and that the relationship will work better than the last time. I can tell you one thing for sure: your ex will not change! He/she will only change if you are him/her SELF Want. You can’t force someone to change, nor can you rely on them to eventually do so. The only person you can change is yourself!
You lose even more self-confidence
If he/she has left you, then your self-confidence and self-esteem are already suffering enormously. Now, if you keep trying over and over again to win your ex back, you will forgive more and more of them and you will feel worse and worse about yourself. Right now, it’s incredibly important that you do things that will boost your self-esteem and not break it even more!
You deprive yourself of the opportunity to grow
Life always gives us what we need. And if you’ve been dumped, it’s not an easy situation, but still you should learn something from it. If you invest your time in your ex, then you take away the valuable chance to grow in your personality. Answer the following questions for yourself:
- What can I do for me do instead of investing my time in him/her?
- What have I always wanted to do and never took the time to do it??
- What is the best way for me to move forward right now?
- What is good for me right now?
Once you have answered these questions, take the first steps and put them into practice! Do something for yourself, because you are the most important person in your life<3
One more question..
Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you??
If you have to use weird strategies to convince your ex how lovable you are, then something is wrong. A relationship should be based on both of you wanting to be with each other, not one having to convince the other.
I know how difficult and painful this is, but believe me, it will be even more painful if you chase after him/her and get turned down over and over again.
It’s a silly but fitting saying that’s always true:
Better an end with horror than horror without end!
When you could be a couple again
Yes, you could become a couple again – but the chances are very small, at least from my point of view. Why? Because you could become a couple again only when you have worked on yourself and don’t deign to run after your ex. Only if you learn to love yourself and discover your self-worth!
And do you know what happens when you do that?? You don’t want to win your ex back, simply because you see that he/she doesn’t deserve you!
Your heartbreak and longing turn your whole life upside down, I know that. But try to stay strong and make your life on your own and work on yourself. I can promise you it will be worth it! And as soon as you decide Consciously If you have decided that you want to go your own way and not get your ex back, your life will change.
If you feel like you can’t get through this alone and need someone by your side to support you along the way, check out my online coaching program! There you will get access to our Facebook community (only women) and me, so you will have a coach by your side 24/7.