I want to become chancellor!

Olaf Scholz is Chancellor. It was about time! The true dimension of the master plan that brought him into office has only now been revealed. Ulrich Kuhn reflects.

by Ulrich Kuhn

It is said about Olaf Scholz that he only says what is necessary. A close "yes, when the president of the Bundestag happens to ask if you want to be chancellor – poof, you’re in office. Impressive.

Everybody dreams of something else

Here we see again: The most banal insights are the best ones. All people are the same, but somehow also different. I read this recently, and it could be true. Example: What did you dream of when you were twelve years old? There you go, there you go, everyone is twelve at one time or another, but everyone dreams of something else.

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I dreamed on my twelfth birthday out to the window of the children’s room. I felt a new thought: It may never be as carefree and beautiful as it is now. I had an inkling of the hardships of "puberty. And made me aware of the happiness of being a child fading away.

Very different Olaf Scholz. Well, it may be that he thought similar things. But there was much more, a wish, a goal, a life motive: I want to become chancellor! Yes, he must have thought that. It was one of the sharpest insights of the week, wasn’t it?? The chancellor-election-and-swearing-in-brimorium has been sung about wonderfully by the best feathers in the republic, but the real sensation remains: Olaf Scholz’s dad has revealed that Olaf made a resolution at the tender age of twelve to be chancellor later in life. Et voilà! "He is now approaching this with the feeling that he can do it. And he makes it", says Papa Scholz.

Self-fulfilling prophecies

When I heard that, I immediately thought about what goes wrong in most people’s lives. Apparently, what matters is what you plan for the rest of your life at the age of twelve. Too little attention is paid to this. They are self-fulfilling prophecies: If you’re standing at the window and you suspect that things aren’t going to be easy, you’re in for a treat. And who has the plan to become chancellor is pushed into office by a friendly Bundestag president fairy. Say "yes" briefly, and everything is clear.

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Okay, there’s a catch. A little time can pass between wish formulation and wish fulfillment, let’s say 51 years. So you need patience, have to get through all the children’s and port birthdays of life. You get a good beating in the process, especially in the SPD. Not everyone is comfortable with that, some prefer to shake the chancellor’s office fence right away. But this is risky. One comes then perhaps purely, but at the latest in the elephant round after the next but one election one schrodert embarrassingly out again. Smarter is not to betray your own ambitions with a dying word. Until one day the president of the Bundestag – you know the score. Then you admit it briefly, and bang. Well, before that it is election campaign, so it is necessary to tell it. Abe that’s not a problem, anyone who starts at 15 percent definitely doesn’t give the impression of really wanting the job.

Olaf Scholz – A fox and chancellor

There is a third strategy. It consists of persistently trumpeting that one is not at all attracted by this office. Like in the old fable of the fox who can’t get to the high grapes: like, grapes? Och no, they are terribly pissed, am absolutely not interested.

About Olaf Scholz it is said that he can be a fox. Now he is also a chancellor. It will be exciting to see which grapes the chancellor will reach for and which he will declare sour.

Next time we will learn Baerbockian

So. Now you know, thank me, how to crack the new chancellor. You’re welcome! And next time we learn Baerbockian. Quote from the new foreign minister’s first trip: "What could be better for a foreign minister than to be in Paris on her first morning in office?." That may work on you, in all the Freudian turning power of the words. It remains eternally fine in these crazy-slippery times. And somewhere someone is already twelve and wants to become Scholz or Baerbock one day.


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