Understanding and approaching women – it’s not that hard. However, it is and always will be a secret to many people. Because they simply do not want to admit that it is really easy. Because they are afraid. Because they are trapped in the belief that they always have to be nice and sweet. This article will help you understand how easy it actually is to approach women.
Addressing women – why many men find it so difficult?
- Are you afraid of their reaction?
- Don’t know what to say?
- Are you too shy?
- Are you afraid of what people standing around might think about you?
- Believe that she is too pretty, thus putting the woman on a "throne"?
-> Then this article will definitely help you! You will learn how easy it is to approach women!
You can learn how to approach women
I certainly don’t mean to suggest that all women are the same. Every woman has her own personality and every person is special. But in principle, women all tick the same, and it is not so difficult to see through them. You just have to know how.
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Why many men find it so difficult to approach women
Flirting is about bringing sexual aspects into a conversation. But in such a conversation you must of course first of all come. Maybe you are very nervous at the beginning when your dream woman suddenly stands next to you in the queue at the supermarket and you just don’t know how to approach her and what to say to her. And then, after a few moments, you pay at the cash register and are gone. And you will probably never see her again. In retrospect, you will think to yourself: "I wish I had approached her!".
This is the dilemma of our modern civilization: we still have primal instincts in us and these prevent us from being able to approach women without great fear of being approached (cf. the article on response anxiety). A few thousand years ago there were mainly small villages and only a handful of potential women who could be considered for a man. Now if a man tried to win a woman over, there was a big risk that he would fail and the woman would reject him. If this case happened, he had no chance with the other women of the village either. This of course built up a lot of pressure and tension in the man – today known as response anxiety. But in this day and age, men have the opportunity to meet thousands of potential women. Most of the time, if you don’t talk to a woman, you might not see her a second time in your life. So you have absolutely nothing to lose – yet the fear of being approached is still present in the man’s brain. But you can use it for the positive. I can show you how (see my Ebook Workshop offer).
You can only win when approaching women!
Put yourself in the place of a pretty woman
Many men think that women are something better than they are. You put them on a throne. They idolize her and would do anything for the woman just to BE able to be close to her. But let’s put ourselves in the position of an attractive young woman: Let’s assume we go to a disco with our best friend in the evening. We easily get past the bouncers, hand in our jackets and enter the disco. And immediately we feel the looks. The looks of the gawking men. We go to the bar and feel further that we are under observation. Like every time. Arrived at the bar, the first one dares to approach us: "Hey, can I buy you a drink??"Sure, why not?. So you get your free drink, say thank you and go on your way. On to the next bar. And the next one asks if he MAY buy you a drink. And it goes on like this for a long time. My goodness. Where do guys get the idea that just because they buy you a drink they have any chance with you?? Are you for sale? No, certainly not. But of course you like to have your whole evening financed. Every now and then guys try to engage you in a WAY more interesting conversation: "You have such great eyes" or "I think you dance very well" …*yawn*..
You will certainly not be able to impress a woman, let alone seduce her! Approaching women should be done differently…
Imagine you are approached 10 times every day, each time with the same crude sayings. How would you react at some point? How often do you think an attractive woman is approached like that on the weekend? Or how much "undressing" looks they meet alone. She thinks she has the free choice. If she wanted to, she could approach any man and later go home with him. Women have it quite easy. She knows she could. But she does not want to do it. She would much rather be seduced and conquered by her prince charming. And don’t think something like "I’m not attractive enough for such a great woman anyway". You certainly don’t have to look like a model or a bodybuilder. No! The only important thing is that you look well-groomed. How attractive a woman finds a man depends mainly on how he is and what he does. Whether you’re fat or thin, tall or short, none of that matters much. Women always say they want to have a boyfriend who has "that certain something". That certain something can be, for example, that you are different from the other men. That you are not one of those who just stare at her all the time – and if they are brave enough to approach her – then just ask if they can buy her a drink or similar stuff.
Put yourself in the position of a pretty woman…
How to approach them – the "basics"
First of all, just be different from "the others"! This is not only true when it comes to approaching women, but in all situations in life. Just because everyone is for something, doesn’t mean they are for the right thing. Don’t try to be like others. Be yourself. Be creative. If you want to approach a woman, think beforehand how you should not do it. Remember that she has certainly been approached numerous times on the same evening and that just about every guy comes up with the same ploy. Be different! Say something to her that no one has ever said before – often it’s a very open and casual "Hi" (my favorite pick-up line).
You have to make it easy and really approach them
How often do men sit in a bar and just don’t dare to approach the pretty lady at the next table?. And why? Cause they think too much. They go through the whole scenario in their head and ask themselves way too many questions. You ask yourself so many questions that in the end you manage to put the whole action out of your mind again. She might have a boyfriend, or she might react annoyed. And eventually she will get up and leave the bar. And now you think to yourself "Damn it, why didn’t I talk to her after all?. I’ll do better next time".
But unfortunately it will happen again the next time. And why? Because you have too much self-doubt in you. You simply must not think about it! If you see a woman you like, just talk to her directly! Immediately! Without thinking about it!
Approach women and overcome your fears
What do you have to lose? You can get a "rejection", that’s also the only thing. But usually this doesn’t happen at all. Even if she turns you down, you can think about what you can do better next time. Never give up! Even if you are rejected by the first 10 women, don’t give up! Believe me, you’ll get better with time and most importantly you’ll eventually lose the fear of approaching women. You loosen up and women notice too.
If you stand uptight in front of a woman and "stammer" your way through it, it will not necessarily come across as attractive to the woman. There’s only one thing to do: practice, practice, practice – because you can learn how to talk to women! And it is really easy. No hard physical work. Just talk. Entertain yourself. Meet new people. It is really unbelievable fun! All beginnings are hard, but believe me, it’s worth it! And don’t be afraid of the arrogance of a woman. Many people seem arrogant to the outside world and often you are treated arrogantly by them when you talk to them. But this arrogance she has built up only as a shield from the usual idiots. Break through that shield and you’ll see what she’s really like. Show her that you are different from the others. Make her curious about you and she will open up to you and show you her true side.
So stop thinking so much! If you like a woman, talk to her directly! And never give up! "Setbacks" often bring you further forward than you think. And Talking to women is fun!
Why eye contact is so important
Often underestimated, but enormously important: That you establish eye contact with a woman! You have to consciously put this in your head. Isn’t it terrible when you talk to someone but they never look you in the eye during the conversation? And if, only for a short second, to then quickly look away again… It seems much more relaxed and especially more confident when the other person can look you in the eye.
In the beginning you have to learn how to keep eye contact with other people. I always play a little game in the process. I look every person who walks by me in the eye. Who first looks away has lost the game! It’s a game that’s easy to win, because most people aren’t used to looking a stranger in the eye for more than a fraction of a second. Don’t make the mistake that most other men make. They stare after women all the time, but as soon as a woman looks them straight in the eye, they feel caught and quickly look somewhere else. What is the woman thinking?? It’s much better to maintain eye contact with her. You will see that she gets very nervous because she is not used to someone returning her eye contact for long enough. But don’t stare at them. No, look into each other’s eyes like two lovers do. When her eyes sparkle. And smile. A smile can open many doors for you! And when a woman smiles at you: walk up to her and talk to her! She invites you to do so.
Women are not (always) complicated. Understand this. They want a man who understands them, who knows what they want – and you can be that man. Pay attention to women’s signals, she doesn’t just randomly drop something in front of you and she doesn’t just randomly tell you that she would have loved to do "this and that" but never had someone to do it with before. Start reading between the lines.
Look at her and keep eye contact – but don’t stare at her
Learning to approach women
We all have primal instincts in us. These are located in the cerebellum. The cerebrum is responsible for the many thoughts that go through a man’s head when he sees an attractive woman and would like to approach her. If you wait too long to approach a woman, she may eventually leave the bar. And then if you think "Oh, she’s gone now anyway". Next time I’ll shift gears faster" you’re probably lying to yourself. It always follows the same pattern: You see a beautiful woman and your brain turns on and looks for reasons not to approach this woman. But in reality there’s not a single valid reason. On the contrary: You have nothing to lose – you will most likely not get a "basket".
SO RULE NUMBER ONE IS: STOP THINKING SO MUCH! IF YOU SEE A GREAT WOMAN YOU LIKE, APPROACH HER DIRECTLY!
It’s so much fun to approach and talk to a strange woman. I know that there is this tingling in the stomach, what many feel as "fear". But it is rather the well-known butterflies in the stomach that we are talking about here. This tingling sensation will become less and less scary, and once you have made a few attempts to approach women openly, you will really enjoy it. Just do not let go.
Do not put a woman on a throne
Another problem that many men have (especially when it comes to attracting women) is that they think women are something better than they are. You put a woman on a throne and idolize her. They would do anything for this woman, just to be near her. Do you think this is really attractive to a woman?? Let’s put ourselves in the position of an attractive woman on an ordinary Saturday evening. She will be gawked at by countless men in every bar and club and asked by some men who dare, if you can buy her something to drink. This is probably the least original thing you can say to a woman. Often she accepts the free drink, then moves on and shortly afterwards the next person buys her the next drink. But she is certainly not for sale. And even if another guy comes up to her and tells her what great eyes she has… She’ll have heard it hundreds of times before and will just go on autopilot.
That’s certainly not the way to impress a woman, let alone seduce her. She will not be interested in such men. She has the free choice. She could go up to pretty much any man in the bar and go home with him. For them, most guys are all the same at first sight. And that in a negative sense. But she’s still waiting for her Prince Charming to seduce and conquer her one day. This dream prince does not necessarily have to be particularly attractive, that really plays a subordinate role for most women. But he must look very well-groomed.
Be yourself – yes really!
A woman wants a man who has that "certain something". So your goal should be to radiate exactly this "certain something. This is exactly what I want to achieve with my workshop with you. Differentiate yourself from all the other men out there. Do not ogle a beautiful woman. Practice contact with attractive women so that dealing with them becomes natural for you. Do not ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. Do something that hardly any other man out there does: put on a sympathetic smile and say the best "pick-up line" in the world to her: "Hi!" – because it does not need much more. Now you have already won the attention of the woman. How you keep this attention now also on you, in order to be able to develop an exciting discussion, you experience likewise in my Workshop.
Rule number two is therefore: Be different from the others! And preferably in all situations in life, and not only in relation to women.
Put on a smile – but don’t overdo it 
In a conversation (whether with a woman or a man), always make sure your body language is positive and confident – for example, maintain eye contact and stand/sit comfortably but upright. In addition, a smile opens many doors very quickly. And when you are smiled at by a woman: Go to her and get to know her, because she has just invited you to do so.
This results in rule number three: Maintain eye contact with your counterpart and pay attention to a positive and self-confident body language on your part.
Women are not complicated. They just want a man who understands what they want. A man who knows how to approach women and who knows how to deal with women. Become that man! Women send out signals all the time, pay attention to it – she doesn’t drop something in front of you or tell you that she would have liked to do "this or that" for nothing. Read especially with women between the lines. And if you want to approach women, never forget what this is all about: fun. So be relaxed and go into a conversation exactly like that – then everything goes as if by itself.
Now get out there and put theory into practice! Approach women It’s not a high art, just do it!
How to approach women in the club – this is how it works
Approach women in bars and clubs
Do you know the article "How to meet women successfully" already? If not, it’s best to read this one briefly beforehand, as the following post is based on it. In this article I would like to show you the specifics when you want to approach women in a bar or club.
The club or an appealing bar is a special place – they are the typical "playground" for singles. It’s very easy to strike up a conversation with women in the club. But don’t assume that you will meet the woman for life there. Of course this can happen, but you better not assume it in advance.
In the club you have to be confident. The most important thing when you are in a club or bar is: have fun! Enjoy the time. Get to know new people – whether men or women. If you enjoy it, you will automatically be more attractive to women. People like to surround themselves with people who are having fun and spreading it. So be exactly this person.
When you approach a woman, do not ask her if you should (or "may") buy her a drink . The classic from many movies usually does not work so well in reality. Instead, be confident and just introduce yourself, "Hi, I’m…" – and you are already talking to her. The beginning of a conversation is usually easy in the club. Much more difficult is the following part. After all, the conversation has to continue somehow. It’s best to have a witty conversation and make sure you’re having fun. So just let yourself go and enjoy the time.
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Make friends with her friends
A good looking woman is usually not out on her own. She will probably be out with a few friends. They usually have a huge influence on her as well. So it must be clear to the entire group from the start that you are a good match. Convince her and make friends with her companions too. The easier it will be to isolate her from them.
Take the next step
Depending on your intentions with her, your goal should not only be to get her number. This in itself is often actually not a big challenge. Spend a date with her directly instead – take her away from her friends, go to a corner of the bar where it’s cozy and a little quieter. Get to know each other, talk and have fun. About what you can talk to her you will learn below. If you want to have a one night stand with her and you see that she is having fun and enjoying herself, kiss her. Seduce her, whisper something in her ear. Get closer to her. Touch her. Take her hand and look deep into her eyes.
As always, stay in control of what is happening.
This means, for example, that you have to be the first of the two of you to let go of the other person’s hand – not her. You are afraid to kiss her or you don’t know when to kiss her? The right moment is exactly when your body tells you so. Look at her alternately from the eyes to the mouth. If she does this too (or she does it without you doing it) she is probably thinking about how great it would be to kiss you right now. You are unsure? Just do it! The general rule here is: You can not lose, but in the best case only win.
Approach women on the street – practical examples
How to approach women the right way: In my opinion, the most beautiful way to approach a woman is spontaneously and directly. By this I mean that when you see a woman you like, you approach her directly and talk to her openly and honestly. Of course, you can also tell her a story you made up beforehand and pretend that you really only want her to give you an opinion about something, so you can talk to her "indirectly". However, I usually find this too awkward. I’ll go into more detail in another article, but for now, I can suggest that you use the direct way of signaling up front that you have an interest in getting to know her. Here are a few approaches:
a) "Hi!" (let them say hello back) "You look likeable! What is your name?"
b) "Hi!" (let her say hi back) "you look nice. Is it worth to get to know you?"
c) "Hi!" (let them say hello back) "I like you! What is your name?"
d) "Hi!"(let her say hello back) "I like you and I want to get to know you!"
e) "Wow – you have a huge charisma! I could not just go on!"
It is important that you go into the conversation with a very positive body language. Smile! And very important: eye contact! You should just come across as likeable and interesting.
You can of course approach a woman depending on the situation – if she z.B. just reading a book in a bookstore "Hi! Do you only know about romance novels or can you also recommend me a really funny book?". Or spray a good scent on your left wrist, and another good one on your right wrist in a perfumery, and ask a woman which scent she likes better. It is important that you realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with approaching a woman. If you have really big problems with it start small – ask z.B. only after the time or the way to the HBF. And then climb. Just ask her directly if she would like to go for a coffee with you. What do you have to lose? You can approach women everywhere. Not only in bars and discos. Especially in the city, in the supermarket or in the cafe you will find so many attractive women. And above all, they are not used to being approached in broad daylight – only a few dare to do so when they are not under the influence of alcohol in the disco, as is usually the case at the weekend. So stand out from the crowd and just talk to them! In the next days and weeks I will give some more examples how to address women in special situations.
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Conversation material when addressing women – ideal get-to-know questions
It doesn’t really matter what the very first thing you say to her is. It’s all about making the first contact. Much more important is actually what you say afterwards. I’ve already given you some tips in the small talk article, but specifically related to women, you can take a cue from the following:
a) Vacation: Do you have a vacation planned for yourself soon? Then tell about it, z.B. "I went to the travel agency today and planned a road trip through Australia with my best friend! I was recently in the USA and Mexico with him, that was one of the best times of my life! Do you remember what was your best vacation?"
b) Favorite..
- … music?
- … film?
- … eat?
- … drink?
- …place?
- …sport?
c) Goals:
- "What would you do with 1 mil. make euros?"
- "If you had three wishes, what would you wish for??
- "What is your biggest dream?"
- "What are your goals in life?"
d) Feelings:
- "What was the most beautiful moment in your life??"
- " What makes you happy?"
- "What scares you?"
- " Are you into romance? What was the most romantic thing ever made for you?"
e) About her character:
- "What makes you different from all the other beautiful women out there?"
- "What is your biggest weakness?"
- "Which of your characteristics do the fewest people know?"
- "If you could be a celebrity for a day, who would you like to be??"
That should be enough for you to start a conversation with them. Try to find out what she is like. And make sure that the conversation is relaxed and not interrogatory in nature. You yourself can decide how long it should go. "One should stop when it is most beautiful" one says so gladly. This is also true here. When you’re having a good time, you say that you have to move on, but she should write down your number and you should continue the conversation soon. Or if you have time and you like her ask her if she wants to have a coffee (or whatever). Then you have your first date directly. It all sounds easy? Yes, it is. Both in theory and in practice. But you have to put your foot in front of the door! So go outside and have fun!
You can do it!