Do i love you, or do i love you?

Some almost never say "I love you. Others use the phrase often and with pleasure. Many say him to their child, for some he belongs only in the partnership. Do you mean the same thing when you say "I love you"? says? Traced the three (or four) big words.

What love statement for whom?

Mother holds up little girl laughing

In a forum for foreigners who want to be naturalized in Germany, a woman asks irritated: "What is the difference between ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you’??" A German user answers her: "There is a very big difference between the two. ‘I love you’ means it’s really love. Like: I love my husband. But ‘I love you’ is more friendly. I love my best friend for example." So the matter seems clear, the questioner can sit back with satisfaction.

But another user wants to explain it in more detail: "When you meet someone and you have feelings for each other, you say ‘I love you’. Then when the relationship is going well, at some point you say ‘I love you’." Aha. Does this mean that you love your partner less if you only say ‘I love you’ even after the getting-to-know-you phase?? And what about the love for children, is an ‘I love you’ too weak??

In another answer someone tries:"’I love you’ is mostly used in couple relationships. Of course, parents also say this to their children, and one can also love brothers and sisters." Oh so. You can literally see how the foreign questioner scratches her head in irritation.

Couples favor the classic

Obviously there is a lot of confusion in this country about love. Let’s leave the theory and take a look at the practice, maybe things will become clearer then. Let’s start with the seemingly simplest thing: How do male and female profess their love to each other?? If you ask this question in a partnership forum, the classic "I love you" has the most followers!"I love my freedom and I also love my dog. But I love only one, the woman with whom I want to live", a man gets to the point. "My husband and I say ‘I love you’ to each other, and ‘I love you’ to the children.", says a woman.

But some people also measure the momentary temperature of their passion by their choice of words: "Well, after a wild night of love, I would find an ‘I love you’ kind of a turn-off, thinks a female user. On the other hand, most of them do not find an electronic confession of love to be a turn-off: "My sweetheart writes me several times a day via text message that he loves me. But he also says it to me, and I to him" reports another woman.

Do I love them? When the three big words remain unsaid

Some people, however, do not use the three magic words at all. "It’s too theatrical for me, a la the Oscars, when the stars yell into the mic: ‘I love you all!’", says a woman shuddering. Some have involuntary inhibitions: "I’m a talkative person, I just say things". But why the hell do I have a problem telling a woman I love her??", asks one man in despair. Those who have a hard time with the canvas-ready confession can sidestep it: "I always say, ‘I love you very much!’", another man solves the dilemma for himself.

But how do you say ‘I love you’?? Obviously, shying away from the big words doesn’t mean that love is any less because of it. It is to be hoped, of course, that the other partner also knows this: "The fact that my boyfriend doesn’t say ‘I love you’ feels stupid. Because I can also love my car", laments one woman. Another even makes her relationship dependent on it: "My boyfriend wants to have a child with me and for me to move in with him, but he still can’t tell me that he loves me. I told him that I couldn’t do all that if he wasn’t able to tell me how he felt."

Love messages to the child

So the sensitivities about love are delicate, and the wrong or missing love word can lead to serious crises. But surely with your own children everything will be much clearer, after all this form of love is already less complicated by nature, isn’t it?? "I say to my children, ‘I love you’", because I say ‘I love you’ only to my husband, the other way round I would find it strange", explains a mother, hitting on a feeling that many parents have. But this distinction is increasingly dissolving, especially among people under 35. "Sure I tell my children that I love them. What’s funny about that?", a woman asks in surprise. "I say to my three children ‘I love you’, that is for me the strongest expression of the feeling", also explains another decidedly.

My own parents usually kept a lower profile

While most adults in their childhood never heard the phrase "I love you!" it is frequently used by young parents today. Why is that?? On the one hand, this is due to greater openness in emotional matters. On the other hand, there is also the glut of American TV series: They have the "I love you" confession, which is extremely popular in the USA, The words that are traditionally used to describe children are carried into our living rooms and then into our mouths.

This change becomes particularly clear when adults remember their own childhood: "My mom often says ‘I love you’ to this day. I never got to hear anything like that from my father.", tells a mother. "Mom always said ‘I love you’ to us kids, but ‘I love you’ was reserved for my dad", tells another woman. "Such emotional outbursts were rather unusual among us", jokes a third. "My parents have never said anything like that to me. That’s why I tell my children regularly", stresses one forum woman, and another reflects: "I don’t remember my parents saying ‘I love you’ to me. Although I had a beautiful childhood."

"Mom, hdgdl!"

But what do our children actually say to us? "My children often say ‘I love you’!’", tells a woman. "My four-year-old son often says to me, ‘Mommy, I love you!", says another mother, touched. In a few years, however, both will probably no longer easily understand their offspring’s declaration of love. Parents of teens get at most a "hdgdl" (for ‘love you very much’), not in person, of course, but by SMS. And only if they are lucky, because the addressee of the love message is often rather the friend on Facebook.

When the love breaks the differences

Some people don’t care what you say anyway. "I say both phrases, ‘I love you’ and ‘I love you’ – they are equal to me. Love is love!" finds a woman. "Doesn’t it matter how you say it?? As long as you also mean what you are saying?", another signs, and a third says: "In our family, the spectrum ranges from ‘I love you’ to ‘I love you’ and even ‘I like you, too. We always decide this according to gut feelings." "We all love each other here too. I say ‘I love you’ to husband, children, parents, sister, brother and girlfriend. Even in other languages. Only. When I say it to my husband, I usually look differently", reports a user amusedly.

Declarations of love – are they really necessary?

So there is love up and down the country for all it’s worth, at least verbally. But does this really mean that love is greater, that the lovers or even the children are happier than in times when declarations of love were used more sparingly?? "The lip service ‘I love you!’ is either redundant, or insincere.", says the Cologne philosopher Andreas Tenzer provocatively. Meaning: Where there is real love, everyone involved feels it, and it doesn’t have to be said separately. Tenzer’s opinion is perhaps too radical, but it contains a grain of truth. Because words of love cost nothing, as is well known, but love above all wants to be lived. "What good is all the blessing of love if it does not take action?, asked Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Children in particular measure love less in words than in how much time you really take for them.

Whoever wants to wear his heart on his tongue should do so naturally, absolutely even. After all, words of love make good feelings, both in the sender and in the receiver. But if you are more of the reserved faction, you should not have to squeeze out the classic confession of love and otherwise be accused of a lack of love. Those who show their love are understood in any case, whether by their life partner or by their own child. Because there is a universal language between people, which is clearer than all words. And their love messages always get through.

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