In the beginning, everything was quite simple: When Marie was hungry, she was given the breast. If she was dirty, I changed her clothes. If she wet her diaper, it was just changed. So. But now my mouse is no longer a will-less baby. She’s in the autonomy phase (some also call it the defiance phase). That is, it develops its own will. Their own life plan. And nothing is easy anymore. Not even changing diapers anymore!
Singing, playing, changing diapers
When Marie was younger, "diaper butt!"We announced it in a happy, chuckling voice, laid her gently on the couch and then – sometimes singing, sometimes babbling, sometimes silently – changed her diaper. Without any magic. Most of the time I used the diaper changing break for a nice finger game, like the "10 fidget spinners". She was lying so nice on her back anyway. We can’t do that anymore. Now when I announce "Marie, let’s do the diaper poop" she grins, says "No!" and roars away.
I certainly concede that she can decide that I can’t invade her private parts at any time. It is her body after all. But I also have the duty and responsibility to make sure she has dry diapers on her bottom regularly before her bottom gets painfully sore. That’s just the way it is. But what to do? In the past – with Claire – we made a mistake. A huge mistake. We forced her. If she didn’t want to have her diaper changed, we still put her on the couch. Often we had to hold them down.
The pressure was great
So we not only used force (by holding her), but also deliberately overrode her will. On one thing that’s totally important: Their physical self-determination. That sucked. Really really sucks. But we didn’t know any better. We were under pressure to be "good parents". And good parents make sure that the child always has a clean diaper and does not get sore. Correct? If it must be, just under duress. The end justifies the means.
Today I know that this is nonsense. That the biggest problem was not the dirty diaper, but the pressure I had put on myself. But before, I just wasn’t ready yet. Claire my darling: I’m sorry! Really incredibly sorry that I passed you over. That I violently changed your diaper when there are so many better ways to do it. Gentler methods. Ways that don’t violate your self-determination.
No means no
You may think to yourselves now, I exaggerate. After all, she was a toddler and "that’s just the way it has to be!". "Kids forget things like that yes". But the fact is that it is not true. They realize that their needs are being overridden. They understand that their needs are not important at that moment. And it burns itself into them.
And that can be fatal. Especially in the wake of the no is no debate, a no should be able to come from the bottom of your heart. Claire and Marie must be aware that they alone can determine what happens to their bodies. There I must not – even as a mother – override it. At least not permanently (YES! there are exceptional situations. There are always).
No to diaper change
But what do I do now, when Marie says "no" to the diaper change, but this is bitterly needed? I have several strategies by now. One always works. In the beginning, for example, Marie’s wish was not to have to lie on her back. She has finally learned to stand up on her own, walk. She wanted to look at the world from above, not lying back down.
Of course she resisted when she was lying down. I then simply decided to change her standing up, if she had only peed. I put the changing mat under her, put her on it and then changed her standing up. Was great.
Of course, it’s a bit impractical when having a bowel movement (especially with a nursing chair). There I have done a real outrage! I put things in her hand to distract her: Her sister’s sparkly comb, favorite stuffed animal, my keys, or – when all else fails – my cell phone! Oh God! The high mothers society will now scream loudly and talk about electrosmog and brain damage.
I, on the other hand, am happy to have found a way to change the diapers without violence. And better hide the fact that Marie consumes media with her big sister from time to time anyway. In the end, I still have Child Protective Services at the door&
Patience, patience, patience
The changing in the standing position does not always work out. What else could be done? Be patient. I always announce a diaper change. "Marie, your diaper is full… I want to change it". If a "no" comes, I wait. Most of the time she is in the middle of the game and doesn’t want to break off. That is of course stupid.
I tell her again after a few minutes that it’s time to do the diaper now. Sometimes she gives in. Sometimes not. Often I then offer her to decide for herself where she wants the diaper changed. She is "only" 20 months old, but already quite clever. She understands that well.
"Marie, we have to change the diaper NOW (emphasized). Otherwise your butt will get sore. Let’s go to the couch or the floor?".
Cooperation through decision-making power
At that moment she often gives in, because she probably realizes that it is important, but she still has a decision-making power somewhere. Sometimes I offer her two different diapers, or tell her that she can put cream on her bottom right away. She is allowed to wipe herself with the cloth or or or. I show her that it is important to me, that it has to be done, but that she is not completely at my mercy and that she can participate. That often works wonders.
What also works again and again is to involve Claire. Being changed by her big sister, Marie finds somehow cool. She’s happy to go along with it. Maybe because she sees how lovingly she always diapers her dolls? &
What is the motivation behind the no?
In the meantime, in 3 out of 5 cases, I say "Marie, diaper bum, please lie down" and she immediately lies down on the floor or couch and stretches her legs up in the air. This works without me ever forcing her to change the diaper. I think we are on a pretty good path there. It is simply important to look behind the motivation: Why does the child not want to have the diapers made?
- Is it still caught in the game?
- If it feels ignored in its needs?
- If necessary. Pain because butt is sore (and doesn’t want to be touched?)
No matter what reason is given, it is important not to break through the wall with your head. Possible ways could be:
- Swaddling standing up
- child with a special toy (which it has z.B. only during diapering) distract
- Getting the child in the mood for diapering by singing/finger play
- Give the child a say (diaper changing location, diaper, timing – to a certain extent (!)…)
- Letting the child "help" (putting cream on the bottom, undressing and dressing, wiping – after pre-cleaning has already been done…)
- Make diapering palatable by diapering a doll
- Involve big brothers and sisters and let them change
What to do when it burns?
But now we come to the point with the exceptions. What if I don’t have time because that’s exactly WHEN the stool ends up in the diaper when I have to rush to an important appointment? I don’t want to say that it’s okay to change the baby against his will. However, I am then also a little more emphatic and tell Marie quite clearly that we now have to make the diaper quickly – and then press the cell phone in the hand.
So far (!) it has always worked. I cannot say how it will go on. I hope that the muse will kiss me again and that I can develop ideas to make diapering not a power struggle. In any case it needs a good portion of patience! A LOT of it. And a good time management, which allows me to stay patient.
We test HIPP Babysanft diapers
And what are we using for swaddling? You may have noticed from the pictures that we use different diapers. You probably don’t know them yet, because they are brand new on the market. They are called HIPP Babysanft diapers. Yes, HIPP also makes diapers. They make not only baby food& I was also surprised, because I have never associated HIPP with diapers. We have been sent the new diapers in advance for testing and would like to give you some first impressions.
The clothing size counts
And the next surprise follows directly. For the first time – at least for me – the diaper size is determined by the clothing size. Otherwise one must orient oneself only at the weight, however that is not correct always behind and in front with us. With the new size indicator we get along better.
Marie wears clothes in size 86/92. That’s why I decided to use diaper size 5. Size 4 would also fit, but it is too tight for me. During the day, if I can change the diapers regularly, that’s okay. At night I play it safe so that the mouse can sleep undisturbed for 8 hours at a time – without me fiddling with her diaper. So far this has also worked well.
The size chart at a glance
- Size 1: Newborn (weight 2-5 kg, clothing size 50-56)
- Size 2: Mini (weight 3-6 kg, clothing size 56-68)
- Size 3: Midi (weight 6-10 kg, clothing size 62-80)
- Size 4: Maxi (weight 8-14 kg, clothing size 74-92)
- Size 5: Junior (weight 11-17 kg, clothing size 86-104)
No perfume and co.
Probably the most important feature of the diaper should be its skin compatibility. Especially for children who are particularly sensitive to diapers and added substances, the Babysanft diapers could be a good alternative. Free of perfume and lotion, they contain no irritating substances. This would certainly have been ideal for Claire’s vulnerable bottom, which was unfortunately constantly sore.
Besides, the diaper is very soft. Do you know the scene from "Asterix and Obelix" in which the detergent on Olympus is advertised? One pile of laundry is quite hard, the other cuddly soft. That’s about how you can imagine it with diapers too. In direct comparison, the surface of my drugstore diaper seemed quite rough. The surface of the HIPP Babysanft diapers feels as if a fine fleece was laid over it.
Soft as a cotton ball
But even more important are the inner values. I was very surprised. Imagine it like this: My drugstore diaper feels like a cheap handkerchief. Not particularly hard, but not really soft either. The Babysanft diaper is as soft as a cotton ball. This is actually a difference you can feel, feel free to try it out.
The new HIPP Babysanft diapers are from 1. April 2019 on sale – no kidding&
Good for sensitive children?!
Possibly the Babysanft diapers are also a solution for children who otherwise reject diapers. A fit closure should allow them to be flexibly adjusted to the tummy and legs. Possibly it pinches and tweaks less and the diaper is not perceived as a disturbing factor? It is worth a try I think.
No matter which way you will go, always keep in mind: diaper time is limited. At some point, getting dry comes all by itself. So stay patient and relaxed.
Do you already know the HIPP advisor website??
EDIT: In the meantime the info page about the Babysanft diapers has been launched. You will find an overview of the different sizes, all kinds of information about diapering, instructions for a relaxing baby massage, the new HIPP Diapers App (with the possibility to collect points to get bonuses) and many cool contests (check out the news section). So feel free to drop by and maybe you’ll feel like joining the baby club – sweet gifts for your little treasures await you there&
[Many thanks to HIPP for providing the Babysanft diapers for testing.