How to approach women easily in any situation
Do you often feel like you really want to approach this one woman…if only you knew what to say to her?
Welcome to the #1. 1 problem of being a man today. In this article, I’m going to reveal to you why you’re even wondering what to say to her, what you should actually say to her (and you can apply this in any situation!) and what you should also do so that the toilet doesn’t get stuck in your throat and embarrassing silence occurs, but you two will actually have a flirty conversation.
The problem of missing words
There is a myopic community that prides itself on getting women laid. Let’s call it Pick-Up-Community. The problem with the pick-up community is that they make women into trophies. And if you consider something as a trophy, then it suddenly becomes a lot more valuable for you and you start to think about it. And as soon as you start thinking about something, you find it harder and harder to act.
Just think about an important competition or exam you were facing. From one moment to the next you are not the same anymore, you have shaky knees, sweaty hands and you feel like your future life depends on the next few minutes. The same thing happens to most men when approaching women. Thank you pick up community.
But that’s not the only reason why men find it so difficult to approach women these days…
When I told my father 6 years ago that I was now coaching men in dating matters, his exact words were "What’s the point? Nowadays, you don’t walk up to a woman in a disco and ask her for a dance? Son, please take your master’s degree and go into business like the rest of us".
Our reality has changed massively.
Because of feminism, vague gender roles, and the multitude of options that affect our current generation more than any other, this has also taken its toll on our dating behavior:
1. Women want more: Because women today want to make a career for themselves and are no longer satisfied with the role of a housewife, these speeches from the old days no longer work. Asking the woman for a dance represents one of these. Between the lines, this implies that the man is wooing the woman, and somewhere in all of us this still triggers that old understanding of roles that women are very sensitive to today.
2. Women have become more selective: Due to the fact that women are increasingly detaching themselves from the male gender and breaking down the dependency that has existed for millennia, women have developed a desire to enjoy their freedom. Add to that the many options modern life offers us (travel, jobs, working in many places, Tinder, Netflix& Co.), so women don’t commit as quickly as they used to.
3. Women are more suspicious of men: Emancipation has certainly led to many great and necessary results, so that men and women are on the same level with each other. The women’s movement, however, has also unfortunately had a strong negative effect, namely that women are more suspicious of men. As if men always want something bad when they are interested in a woman. Have you ever seen a woman curtly dump a guy, even if he was just flirting with her? I’m sure you can write a book about it. What man does not?
Because of all these developments in recent decades, it has become significantly harder for us men to figure out how we should behave when dealing with a woman. Well, and on the basis of this development, the pick-up community came into being, which, unfortunately, is going down a wrong path by turning something natural like getting to know someone into a highly unnatural pseudo-science, which mostly leads men to see women as trophies and end up feeling bad about themselves. But that’s a topic for another article.
But here’s the thing: Women want a partner too. In our time it is still the man who mostly addresses a woman. And especially in times of Tinder& Co. women are less and less often actually approached.
All these are important factors why we should definitely learn to follow our need to approach women.
So what should you do to make it not only easier for you to approach women, but easier for you to talk to women in a relaxed and flirty and to properly pursue your interest in them?
- Change your attitude
The first and most important thing you should do is to change your attitude. Here are a few mindsets you should change.
- Stop looking at women as trophies or you will make them too precious to yourself and thus unattainable.
- Stop trying to compete with other men. That’s right, because even though no man ever says it, we always feel like we’re competing with other men – to see who will be better with women and have a hotter girlfriend. That just complicates the whole thing and puts unnecessary pressure on you.
- Stop thinking of getting to know a woman as anything but getting to know her.
Get used to some of these ways of thinking instead.
- She is damn "just" a woman who likes to have someone to cuddle and more herself and also wants a partner.
- I’m not on stage or in a competition here. I just talk to someone I feel the need to talk to.
- I don’t even know what I want from her yet. I don’t worry about it here, because I don’t know them yet. Maybe she’s a total freak and I don’t even want her after talking to her for two bars?
And if you’re wondering now why the hell you should do that and when I’m finally going to tell you what to say – here’s why: the way you think about something defines your behavior.
So do you wear z.B. The conviction in you that you must perform and not fail when you want to approach a woman will make you come across as much more tense and unnatural. Not only will this make it much harder for you to approach the woman, but it will also make you much less attractive. Nobody likes tense or pretending people. Authenticity is attractive.
- Send your self-doubt on vacation
"What if she doesn’t like me??"
"What if she realizes I’m shy?"
"I’m just not in her league."
"Surely she has a boyfriend and I make a mockery of myself."
Do they seem familiar to you? I know they do. They sound familiar to all of us because we are all guilty of ever thinking such thoughts when we were interested in a woman and wanted to approach her.
The problem is that your self-doubt is no different than your attitude. They also define your behavior. So as long as you hold on to your self-doubts, they will make it much more difficult for you to simply approach a woman. You are making yourself small and unwanted and as long as you do that, you are holding on to a mental barrier that keeps you from just approaching the woman.
And for you to do that…
- Fuck the opinion of others
Many of us are concerned about what others think of us.
"What do my friends say when I approach them and get rejected??"
"What do the people around us think if I just walk up to them now?"
As long as you value the opinion of others more than what you want, you cannot pursue your interest and approach the woman. Only when you have made the decision to prioritize your need to get to know the woman over your need to please others, can you approach her.
So why don’t you start by trying to please others less so that your other (more important) needs move up the priority list?.
And when you have done that, then we finally come to what you can say to a woman when you approach her – and that in any situation! (Finally Lambert, I wanted to denounce you, because I thought I would not learn anything here.)
How to approach a woman
There are better and worse ways to do it. But there is no way that is guaranteed to give you what you want. Because one thing should always be clear to you: You’re just fucking talking at her. And like words can make up for being a social jerk.
I know there are tons of commercials out there telling you, "that you can get any woman, if you only say THAT to her". You can then put that down to the same realization where the Christ Child, the Easter Bunny and Batman are already stuck.
There are just umpteen factors that determine whether she finds you interesting or not (your looks, your intelligence, her relationship status, your intention, both of your ages, and more).
So be clear about what a pickup line really is – a way to open the conversation – and what the goal is: a pleasant conversation for both parties and finding out if you’re right for each other.
To hell with all the other goals that many men like to pursue: wanting to get her laid, get her number, make her laugh, please her, etc.
All these things have external goals – something you can’t control. If you try it, you build up unnecessary pressure, which makes it more difficult for you to approach her and makes you unattractive for her.
Here are some things you should not say:
- "Hi, can I have your number?"
- "Hi, you are so beautiful. Shall we exchange numbers?"
- "…" fill in the three dots with any pick-up line
- Macho talk
- Reducing to the physical
Women are very sensitive to all these things. Besides, they don’t exactly show an interesting personality.
So let’s look at an example that shows an interesting personality.
You are in the disco. She is standing at the bar counter and has this aloof look that says "Don’t even try it. I am the fuckin’ queen of the house".
Here’s what you could say:
"You know, I had been putting on the exact same facial expression as you for years because I figured it would keep away the annoying women who don’t realize what a profound flower I actually am, and you know what, it worked out great… Sorry it didn’t work for you."
You are smiling a bit? This is a humorous, charming variant. To be able to pull something like this out of your fingers at the decisive moment is probably only possible if you are a social, extroverted genius or if you learn to release your inner blocks so that you can be completely relaxed and easy-going. Then you can also think of such casual entrances.
Such introductions have the advantage that you give the woman the opportunity to get used to you and to talk to you, while with all the no-go variants you not only put the gun to her chest to quickly decide for or against you, but you also don’t awaken any need in her to talk to you.
If you are not that creative or you can’t think of anything at the right moment when you want to approach a woman, then you should the do – and you can do this in any situation:
Be direct and honest.
Say what’s on your mind and even if it’s making eye contact with her and then saying something like "I don’t know what you’re going to do" "Sorry, I am a little perplexed right now. Hi, I am YOUR NAME."
Even though this approach is much more direct, it will still make the woman perceive you as much more attractive than if you somehow try to show your interest or shyness by saying things or asking boring questions (like "Are you here often??") to whitewash.
The direct variant has an advantage and a disadvantage.
The advantage is that you will be perceived as more attractive due to your authentic manner and you will know very quickly where you stand with her. And that’s also the downside of it: By letting a woman know very quickly that you think she’s good, she’s inclined to get a quicker idea of who you are and whether she’s going to engage in this conversation.
And now it’s your turn to go for it!
You have now learned two ways to approach women. One that is tailored to a specific situation and one that you can just use all the time.
So, if you have always lacked the words to approach a woman, from now on just tell a woman what you are thinking. Some times you will fail and some times you will succeed. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
But, if you find that you continue to be unable to approach a woman, it’s because all the rest of what I’ve written in this article is a reality for you and keeps you from being loose and relaxed in your interactions with women.
In that case, you need to learn to change your attitude, shed your self-doubt, and empower yourself from within to feel strong and confident in dealing with a woman.
And if you’re ready to finally get this right, to feel confident enough to approach women and master all the next steps, let me give you all the tricks and insights you need to do it. And that’s what I do in my free email course.
Sign up for it right now and let’s get started right away so that you can soon pursue your need with women the way you’ve always wanted to.